Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Taking Back the Reins

I like hashing out parenting problems with my husband. Last night I had one for him. I'm mainly the one who deals with the problems all day, but he has a different perspective that I like to hear. Plus, he backs me up.

One of our children, who shall remain nameless, is not taking to responsibility as I would like her to. I thought she was getting old enough to tell her, "don't forget, you have to practice piano before Daddy gets home" and then let her decide when to do it.

The problem is, she will never do it. I know every child is different and there are probably 4 year old who can do that and 17 year olds who cannot. We decided in talking last night that she simply is not there and still needs to be told: "you will practice piano at 4:00." I think, even though she would not admit to this, that she will prefer operating like that.

I have also realized I need to step up the responsibility expectations. In part, because of this video:

OK, I'm only slightly kidding about that. But really, husband had one complaint/concern and that was that the girls seem only interested in playing all the time. They jump up from supper and run off to play. I told him that we do chores before he gets home, but all he sees is the playing. So, I need to get better about involving them in more things like having them help me cook and also clean up the kitchen afterward. It would be best for them and for me--I just really hadn't thought much about it. Honestly it's kind of nice having them GO play away from me and I can just clean up in peace.

But harder is better sometimes.

Also, he is going to start inspecting their bedrooms before bedtime in the evenings. This is a HUGE help to me as I don't have to be the one always dealing with that. They will fully know the expectations of keeping their rooms picked up.

I'm spending today following around after them making them put every single thing up when they are done. We have some bad habits to break around here.


Go visit my other blog and see what I got rid of in my kitchen this week!


  1. Okay, as I further progress in my disease, those are the kinds of things that would be helpful in a dog! I have to make some dog treats and get started training my silly lazy dogs : )

  2. This is the way it goes with children, Brenda. Keep up the good work you are doing. It will eventually pay off. Our older son is in the military and at 23 is just now being able to do for himself as far as self-discipline goes, but he is doing it now. Our 21 year old had just this year, as a senior in college, gotten into the self-discipline mode and we no longer have to ask him if he is doing his college assignments. And, they were well disciplined and regimented at home. We didn't expect that it would take so long for them to be self-disciplined (early 20's), but hey, some people NEVER learn this, so I consider that we have been a success, lol. Girls maybe learn this sooner, I don't know.

    If your daughter seems to thrive and work well if you set down times and rules, keep doing that. That is my advice. It is better than giving up the piano entirely. Yes, there are some children that can self-discipline early in life, but that is not the norm.

    Keep doing what you are doing. Your kids sound normal!! They will eventually do it for themselves, really, they will. It may be later than you wanted, but that is life. They will eventually do it. Self-control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. Keep doing what you are doing; pray for them. Blessings.

  3. Oh, and I think it great what your husband is doing.

  4. Hey there:) "Harder is better sometimes" ... Yup, I can relate to that one:) Some good thoughts in your post today... I like the idea that your Husband is checking the bedrooms before bedtime! His willingness and active interest in what goes on during your day is a blessing...not all wives have that :)

  5. I wish your husband would talk to mine. I am tired of always being the parent who makes the kids do school and chores but I do appreciate that I am the parent who gets to stay home.
    My 14 nearly 15 year old had to go to public school for drivers ed it opened his eyes to being more responsabe for himself.I also learned about areas I have been falling short in.Handwriting and speed.LucyT

  6. I am also noticing some areas that we need to train a little more in.

    I loved that video. Heck, I wish I was that motivated myself.

  7. I just found your blog today through links on another blog (or two).

    Anyway, this post is exactly what I needed!!! I am going through such similar things with my daughter that I feel like all I do is correct and fuss at her about things. She's such a good kid, really, but it's as if she just doesn't care about anything.

    You have helped me greatly! Thanks so much! I'm subscribing to your blog so I won't miss any more of your wonderful points of view :-)

  8. Go Baby, Go, and Train those Children! You'll be SO glad . . . even if it's harder now. Honest!

  9. It is so easy to sometimes just do it yourself to get it done. We are all guilty of that. I had to make a chore chart for my kids' sake as well as mine. It just helped mine to see it on a chart. They each have to make their beds, straighten their rooms, and put away their clean clothes each morning. In addition, there are three more chores...garbage, dishwasher, and pet...that they rotate doing. It has really worked well for us and taken so much off of me!!

  10. With my recent naptime struggles with our 3-year-old (I know, some don't need a nap anymore at this age, but she DOES), I became even more thankful that we live close enough to my husband's work that he can come home for lunch. He was able to adjust his lunch schedule last week to come home a little later and take over the duties of laying her down for a nap. I was just DONE and out of energy to deal with this matter. He put it perfectly: "Knowing what to do and having energy to implement it are two different things."

  11. Such wisdom! I am afraid I too often have felt that the girls needed to play and have free time, when they should have been helping and acquiring responsibility. You have the right idea working on this earlier, rather than later:-)

  12. We had problems with keeping the rooms clean and getting the chores done until I instituted our new policy. "If you haven't done your chores by mealtime, you don't join us for the meal". I mark the chores as Morning chores (done before lunch) and afternoon (done by dinner). Not surprisingly, it only required one missed meal for the point to be taken :). We haven't missed our chores since then.


I don't get to talk to a lot of actual grown-ups during the day, so your comments make me really happy! :)