The Myth of Independence

I recently turned down an invitation for a birthday party and sleepover for Sweetheart. It was for one of her oldest friends, but a friend we don't see very often anymore. I guess that's mostly because this friend goes to public school and everyone just gets so busy.

After I said she couldn't go, I felt bad. I have to tell Sweetheart today that she was invited but isn't going. I have to explain why---well, I don't HAVE to, but I will. How do you explain to a 12 year old all the complex reasons that her Dad and I understand, but she likely will not?

It hurts to do things differently than others. I know so many children Sweetheart's age who go and do tons of stuff apart from their family. It seems in other families that by this age, really...she "should be" more independent.

But we are a family. We are her parents. WE are responsible for her. WE are called to teach, protect, and raise her. I know that doesn't mean she can't ever leave our presence! But it does mean we must use wisdom in who we let her spend time with, where we let her go, and how much we let her be away from the rest of her family.

My beautiful Bee--photographed by H-Mama. 

The problem is, I don't buy this whole "independence thing."

I first ran across this when Sweetheart was 8 (our first year of homeschooling) and she was in a homeschool Girl Scout troop. Overall it was a good experience. But then I found out that the end of year camping trip was one which parents were most assuredly NOT invited. I wasn't comfortable letting my 8 year old go an hour or 2 away from home with only a few adults who I didn't know all that well in charge. So I volunteered mid-year to be a leader. It was a pain in the neck, but it allowed me to go on the camping trip with them. The camping trip where 20-30 little girls slept in a cabin all by themselves in 30 degree weather. (And the older girls were in cabins by themselves too.) The adults all slept in a separate cabin.

That was all fine, but it was the explanation I received from one of the leaders that concerned me. 

"Parents aren't allowed to go camping with them because our goal is for them to learn 

to be independent of their parents." 

Hmm. See? That's wasn't one of our parenting goals. Don't get me wrong--I understand that one day our daughters will grow up and move out. They may get married. They will not live with us forever. I know this. But is independence the goal? 

Little Bit and Sweetheart enjoying the water.

A friend posted on Facebook the other day about her baby still waking up several times a night. Of course everyone was telling her in the comments to let the child cry it out. One of her friends said, "It's the first step to teaching them independence." Really? A 9 month old baby needs to start learning independence? 

Even if you think a baby doesn't need to learn it, most people think at some point a child needs to. I know many people think that a girl needs to be on her own a few years before settling down. She needs to go to college. Get her own apartment. Have a career. Go on trips. I don't know what they think. But I would be perfectly happy for my girls to go straight from our house to their husband's home. I went to college. I had an apartment. It was kind of lonely. I felt unprotected, honestly. I was homesick. 

Now this isn't to say that we will have our thumb on them until they walk down the aisle. A child can remain living in their parents' home AND have a job, go to college, etc. They can live as a young adult in our home, and still be a part of this family. I have visions of Sweetheart attending college, and then also helping with the dishes after supper. Not because she'll get grounded if she doesn't (!) but because helping with the dishes is something you DO when you are part of a family. 

And then when/if our daughters get married, they will be a part of a new family with their husbands. They will be a part of a church family. I don't see a whole lot of "independence" in the life of a Christian. We have fellowship with one another. We are called to be part of a family. 

Does this mean it is wrong for a child to move out on their own? Well, I think the answer might be different for boys and girls. Call me sexist, it's what I think. But no, I do not believe it is wrong for a girl to move out of her parent's home. I just feel it isn't all that necessary most of the time and certainly not imperative. 

So the question is, how to raise daughters who do not grow up believing their rights are being violated. How to keep their hearts from rebellion. How to keep them from feeling hurt/left out by our decisions that go against what we see around us. It's much easier when you have like-minded families around. I have several friends who I know would have turned down this same birthday invitation had it been for their daughter. I don't feel crazy--I'm just worried about how our girls will feel the more our path seems to deviate from the norm. 

The thing is...this birthday could just as easily be celebrated with families. That's how I hope for my girls' parties to be--families coming together to celebrate. Isn't that how it would have been done a really long time ago? When did things change? When did 12 year old girls start being independent from their families? Is that healthy?

Your thoughts?

Homework or Life

I don't know why I continue to be shocked by this every year, but I do. A child who was born the same year as my Sweetheart (actually her mom and I shared a first grade classroom the year they were both born--yikes--2 maternity leaves!), is in 6th grade this year just like my daughter. Only she is in public school.

The bus usually drops her home about 5:00. Yesterday her Dad picked her up, so she got home earlier. And at 9:00 last night, she still wasn't finished with her homework. She had stopped for supper and a bath. Her Dad was working with her the whole time. She's 11.

This, after a full day at school. Another friend who I used to teach with has a daughter in 11th grade AP classes. She reports her daughter routinely stays up until 2:00am to complete her homework. Not sure when she gets started. I know many children in high school don't get started until after supper because they are in extra-curricular activities until many hours after school is out.

No wonder these children grow up and do NOT QUESTION why they must work long hours, 6 or 7 days a week. No wonder they don't think twice about going to school for 4-10 years after high school. Our niece works a full-time job and has just gone back to school for a Master's degree. This, after working her way through college and graduating just a few months ago. She's not married. She doesn't have children. She's in her mid-20s. Does she know there are other options out there besides just work and school?

Work. School. Work. School. Schoolwork. It's all the same. It's what we're made for, right? These poor kids don't even seem to question it.

I shudder to think how I would be handling it if my children were in public school right now and carrying such a homework load. Would I let it get in the way of church? Family time? Scripture memory work? Service? Chores? How is there time for anything else but school?

Oh I pray for families today. I wish people knew there was an alternative. I could list and list the things that happen in our day that would NOT be happening if my children (and therefore our family) were under such a burden.

I am grateful for each and every one of them. And I wish more people knew.

Applying the Standard

You guys have made me kind of nervous. I thought I would get a lot of feedback (positive or negative I wasn't sure) on these movie/TV posts, but you have been eerily silent. So, I shall continue.

If we all agree that Christians should concern themselves with what is set before their eyes (and the eyes of their children), then we have to figure out how to go about that. It may seem like a very simple thing to do, but I imagine if you were a new Christian, and had previously watched whatever you wanted, this would seem a daunting change to make.

First, some practical things. There are several places where you can go to get good reviews of movies from a Christian perspective. My go-to site is www.pluggedin.com and I look up anything I can there. They even have reviews of video games. Julia also shared a few in the comments section of another post: www.americanvision.org/movieology and www.movieguide.org . Does anyone know of other sites that give reviews?


I have learned my lesson about reviews. We picked out a Mary Kate and Ashley movie from Netflix for the girls to watch called Billboard Dad. It looked cute....it's MK and A for goodness sake....it'll be fine. It was old and Plugged In didn't have a review on it so I read the Netflix reviews people left. AND IT WAS RATED G. So I thought all was well. In one scene, the dad is getting ready to go on a date and the twins ask him, "Dad, do we need to give you the safe sex talk?" Needless to say, this Mama almost choked on her lunch. I will be more careful or pre-screen from now on. 


So you might think the answer might be to just watch educational things with your children. Documentaries will save the day, right? Um, I have a sinking feeling that is not true either. 


I will say I have found older movies to be better. I'm talking about Shirley Temple old. Roy Rogers old. OLD. Morals were higher back then for the most part I suppose. I would still look into it, but you are probably safer with older movies than more modern ones and some of them are so charming. 


Of course ask friends if they have seen a particular movie. Christian friends whom you trust. After all, we don't all have time to sit around pre-screening things for our children. We can help each other out. 


The last thing I want to say is this. You will be hard pressed to find a movie or show with no "sinful things" in them. In movies there are bad guys and bad guys do bad things. I think the difference is, does the person doing the bad things get away with it? Or are there repercussions from their actions? For example, if a movie showed someone robbing and lying--I would want them to be caught and punished. Old westerns are great about this. In some movies, the characters act perfectly horrible and life just goes on. We cannot have a flippant attitude about sin. I wasn't allowed to watch The Love Boat growing up. Later my mom told me it was because people slept together who were not married to each other. Mind you when I was growing up, married people on TV shows did share a bed and it was even implied that they were going to....um, really share the bed. But if they were married characters then my parents were fine with that. (I'm talking about prime time TV here-nothing graphic-like Hart to Hart. Oh my word I'm showing my age.) 


There are a lot of lessons to be learned from seeing bad guys do bad things on TV. My mom was always really good about making comments like, "Oh that horrible man! He just lied right to her face. That was wrong!" I also think discussing movies and shows afterward is important. 


Am I saying it's OK to watch people engaged in all sorts of sinful behavior in movies? No..I'm not saying that. Obviously sexual sins are a bit much. But watching a bad guy who stole something get caught and go to jail? That I can handle. That we can discuss. There is good and bad in the world and I would rather my children learn about alcoholism from an episode of Little House on the Prairie than from real life experience. Especially with time to discuss it afterward. 


I would like to wrap up with some thoughts from Erin and her husband. She left a comment on my last post that I thought just beautifully wrapped up this whole topic. I'd like to share part of it here:


"...it came up in our family devotion time, not by me, but by my husband! The point of discussion during family devotions was that it's not necessarily about setting "rules", but more of drawing close to God and seeing His beauty and preciousness so much that this other filth becomes just that in our eyes - filth. Guidelines (rules) and parameters/restrictions are beneficial and helpful, but as Christians, our goal not to be just "moral" people, checking off our "what we do right" list, but instead being transformed by our intimacy with the Holy Spirit so that our hearts no longer desire or are attracted to sin.



Amen! I couldn't have said it any better! So...some practical ways to have guidelines...and a reminder that it's really about loving the Lord. 


NOW. I'm done. Any other thoughts?

The Standard Is High

In my last post, I talked about how I realized that our standard for what we watch and read should be very high. The Bible is very clear about the Christian's relationship to sin....we should have no part of it.

⁹ Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, ¹⁰ nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. ¹¹ And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God. 1 Corinthians 6:9-11

We are not the same as we once were. We have been washed, sanctified, and justified...we cannot continue to walk as we once did.

Little Bit watching TV a few years ago...

Now let me take a moment to step aside and add something to my discussion on conviction. If God's Word is unchanging, then how are there possibly Christians who do NOT feel convicted to ________ or to not _____________? I do not think there are as many choices as we think there are. It cannot all be "I'm OK, You're OK." If a Christian is content to watch movies or TV full of sin and all the things we are supposed to not have anything to do with, then I think there is a problem!

The folks who raved about the awful movie on Facebook are young Christians at best. Perhaps they do not know? Perhaps they have not read and understood God's Word? Maybe they need to be taught. I certainly know that I was a young Christian once who watched things I should not have. I remember all too well. I am not trying to stand on a soapbox and look down my nose at others who are not doing as good as I am. (please read that with all the sarcasm you can muster) That is not what I am trying to say. I realize that convictions come at different times in people's lives.

I will set nothing wicked before my eyes;
I hate the work of those who fall away;
It shall not cling to me. Psalm 101:3

What I am saying is that many American Christians have lowered their standards as far as the entertainment world goes. The entertainment world has lowered its standards after all, and I'm afraid that many of us have bent a little too far.

But I'm not participating in these sinful behaviors....I'm just watching fictional characters do it.
It's a movie. It's not real life.
I can hear those words and not start saying them. After all, I'm an adult. I know right from wrong.
It was a really good movie. I just wish they had left out _________. Could have done without that.
It's fine for grown-ups but it's not good for the kids.

What else do we say about TV and movies? What excuses do we make? How much sin have we let into our homes through the television set? How desensitized have we become to the things that God detests?

I am talking to myself here too! I think we really, truly need to ask ourselves these questions. And even if, by some miracle, we truly were NOT affected in any way by what we see (which I doubt), how much good have we missed out on?

Am I saying that watching TV or movies is a sin? Absolutely not! I am saying that we need to think very, very hard about what we have been watching and if it lines up with the standard in God's Word.

Next up: We'll discuss the really practical part of deciding what to watch.

Any thoughts so far?

The Standard

Face book shocks me sometimes. I have learned a lot about people that I maybe did not want to know. As I shared with you last week, some folks (who I happen to know are church go-ers) had raved about a movie they had seen that I, personally, did not think Christians should be seeing at all.

And so I ranted a bit to a friend via e-mail. And we got into a really good e-discussion about just what is the standard. I mean, sure...I thought these people should not have seen that movie, but maybe I've seen movies that other people think I should not have seen. How are so many different Christians coming up with so many different ideas about what is OK? Is it really all up to us to decide? Can we really all walk around saying, "Well, that may be OK for you, but I have felt convicted to ______________" ?

Will the Lord convict us all of different things? Isn't He the same yesterday, today, and forever?

I'll tell you, that was a lot to think about! But think I did, because that very night in church (two different churches by the way) my friend and I both heard messages that pertained to our very conversation.

So, you want to know what I decided, right? Well, first I had more questions than anything. Questions I think we should ask ourselves.

• How close can we be to sin without sinning? Just observing it? Accepting it? Watching it? Talking about it? Spending time with those who participate in it?
• How can we know if we are doing things right? One person has one idea and another person has a different idea. Can we all be right?
• What does the Bible say about convictions? Can we be led to do one thing while someone else is led to do another?
• What is the standard?

So before we really get to movies (a practical example of this all), we have to think about conviction. I looked up the word "conviction" in my concordance and found some verses that talk about it.
John 16:8
Titus 1:7-9
Jude 1:15

In all these cases, it is the Holy Spirit who convicts of sin. And how does He convict? God's Word. The Gospel. Look at 1 Corinthians 14:23-25....

²³ Therefore if the whole church comes together in one place, and all speak with tongues, and there come in those who are uninformed or unbelievers, will they not say that you are out of your mind? ²⁴ But if all prophesy, and an unbeliever or an uninformed person comes in, he is convinced by all, he is convicted by all. ²⁵ And thus^[c] the secrets of his heart are revealed; and so, falling down on his face, he will worship God and report that God is truly among you.

How is the unbeliever convicted? By hearing the Word of God. How does the bishop (in Titus) exhort and convict those who contradict? By sound doctrine. God's Word.

Therefore, I do not want to hear about how someone "felt led" or what "the Spirit told them" to do or not do. I care what God's Word says. Because His Word, my friends, is our standard.

(I'm not saying the Spirit of God cannot prompt people. I just think the "Holy Spirit excuse" might be over-used.) It matters what God's Word says. God will not prompt you to do anything differently than His Word says. And yes, the Holy Spirit reminds us of all we have been taught (God's Word).

Therefore, I went to God's Word.

That night in church we studied Ephesians 5 which starts out, "Therefore be imitators of God..." Then it goes on to list some bad, worldly things and says, "let it not even be named among you." Later on it says, "...have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness." Another version says, "But among you there must not be even a hint of....(sinful things)" and "Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness..."

So. Let it not even be named among us. Have no fellowship with. There must not be even a hint. Have nothing to do with it.

Friends, our name and sin should not even be mentioned in the same sentence! We are to be imitators of God. That is a pretty high standard!

The Bible also tells us what we are to be about. Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things."

(Remember, we're thinking about movies here.)

So if these are the things God's Word says, then is that the barometer we've been using to help us decide what to watch? What our children watch? What we read? What plays we go to? (In historical times the theater was considered raunchy and horrible!)

What barometer have we been using?

Next up: We will discuss this a bit more (you didn't think I could do it all in one post, did you?) and hash out some practicals of this whole movie/TV business.

The Movies

I have something to say tonight. I will NOT be watching Mr. Popper's Penguins when it comes out later this month. I am so disgusted. Have you seen the trailer? If you want to go watch it...go for it. I refuse.

If you have read the book, you know that Mr. Popper is a poor house painter who dreams of the Arctic and loves all things Polar exploration. He is delighted to get the penguins in the book. It seems in the movie, Mr. Popper is a businessman who is pretty well off in a slick apartment who spends at least part of the movie trying to get rid of them. And let's just say his family is not eating beans all winter.

And the names? In the book the penguins are named Captain Cook, Greta, Columbus, Victoria, Nelson, Jenny, Magellan, Adelina, Scott, Isabella, Ferdinand, and Louisa.

In the movie, they are named Captain, Nimrod, Stinky, Loudy, Bitey, and Lovey.

How intellectual are today's movie-goers?

Can I stand outside the movie theater and interview people and ask them about the names of the penguins in the book? Do you think they could come up with even a few of references? Huh? Can I?

Look, if I had never read the book I am sure this movie would be perfectly entertaining. I understand the need to modernize old books. I thought they did a pretty good job with Ramona and Beezus. I don't mind that it's been modernized--but Mr. Popper was POOR! And he was well-read. And he was delighted about those penguins.

Which is probably why it is such a delightful book.

I'm skipping it. That is all.


Now, while we are on the subject of movies...I have a question and tomorrow I'll answer it.

What is our standard for deciding which movies we watch as Christians?  (annoying made-over-book movies are not the issue here)

And lastly, I just wanted to give God the glory. My friend in real life was hit while driving her van last week. She is pregnant.

The inside of her van. She jumped out of the passenger side door.

And both she and the baby are fine. FINE. A little sore...but safe. Praise God! (The driver who hit them is fine too.)

Guarding Our Children

This morning S sent me an article he'd run across. This one made me mad. (Not at S!) I spoke yesterday about how we need to guard against the lies that are out there and stick with what God's Word teaches. It's true. But in light of that article, I think we need to be even more purposeful about guarding our children.

This is subtle, and yet, not so subtle. I guess it depends on how much you are paying attention. While it may appear to just be "two days out of the whole school year", you have to know this is being taught/promoted more than just on these scheduled days. And only 3 children were kept home that day. Three. Out of 350 students. And it isn't like those 3 students aren't going to get filled in by their friends.

We need more than just teaching our children, "God made 2 distinct sexes." This is all being taught to our children (it's NOT just California....and it WILL be in many other places in a few years) in the name of "acceptance" and "anti-bullying." That word acceptance is a buzz word. Watch for it. See what things fall under the word acceptance. (That book was part of the 2 days of lessons.)

I wrote about this trend in public schools a long time ago. (The first year I blogged actually.) We used to do a "multi-cultural" unit in December when I taught 3rd grade. We studied Christmas Around the World and each child was put in a group and assigned a country and at the end of 2 weeks they had to give a presentation on how people in that country celebrated the holidays, complete with food, costumes, etc. Multi-cultural was a big, big thing in the early 90s when i was a teacher. The music teacher had the 3rd graders do a multi-cultural musical. A preacher friend of ours was at the performance because his wife was a teacher and his son was in 3rd grade. After it was over, I remember him muttering about how he was sick of this "one world thing." I remember being totally clueless about what he meant. I got it later.

Community. Acceptance. Diversity. Anti-bullying. Differences. Non-discrimination. Safe schools. Oh people, SO MUCH is being slid under the door under these names. If your child goes to public school, please investigate. Pay attention. I would like to believe, like many seem to, that your children are JUST learning math, reading, writing, etc. at school. But it isn't true. They are parenting your children. And it might not jive with your beliefs. (And even if it DOES jive with your beliefs, I do not think it is their place to teach.)

How can Kindergarten students be expected to see this teaching for what it is? How can elementary students hear this from their teachers and not begin to believe it? How can homeschooled students be prepared to deal with this when they are out from under our care?

How much teaching is required of us in the home to counter-act this? To prepare our children for a world where this is normal? What do we do?

Something to Guard Against

I read an article on yahoo yesterday that I could not get off of my mind all evening. You may have seen it. It was about some parents who are not revealing the sex of their 4 month old baby. They are attempting to raise the child in a gender neutral (GN) fashion.

I don't know why that article stayed on my mind so much. Are they radical? Yes. Many people would not go so far as to do what they are doing--or to allow their sons (they have 2 other children) to shop from either the boys or girls section in clothing stores and decide if they want their hair long or short. But that doesn't mean that many people do not agree with these parents at some level.

So I kept reading and googling. Apparently, some folks think a GN world would be just about perfect. They can't wait for the day when society stops placing biases and limits on people and when others stop drawing a line and saying "choose." I don't think they just want a "third category".....I think they'd like there to BE no categories.

Anyway, as a Christian this topic gets my attention and it should yours too if you are a Christian. I'll tell you why in a minute.

As I googled and read, I began to see some major categories popping up where GN is becoming main stream. In case you haven't thought much about this, perhaps these links will be eye opening.

Fashion. I already have thought about this several years ago. Children go to school wearing standardized dress of khaki or blue bottoms and a polo style shirt on top all their lives. Then, they get a job at Target, or the bank, or wherever and guess what? They wear khaki pants and a polo style shirt! There is precious little difference in how the men and women look at many places of business. The styles of military uniforms have also changed. I spoke about all this here.

But it seems to be going a step further now. Fashion designers are actually designing clothing that is intentionally GN. This means it is designed to be for EITHER sex to wear. Especially where children are concerned as there isn't as much difference in their bodies.  Check out the store sign on this article. Here is a slide show that was interesting.  If you need help figuring it all out, there is help available.

Dorm rooms. I don't remember which college started it, but it has caught on. Now it is PC to offer GN living arrangements. Many colleges are offering this type of dorm. And if you are going to offer living arrangements that are GN, then of course restrooms will follow suit. High schools are already dealing with this. As well as prom situations, homecoming situations, etc. All this is being done in the name of anti-bullying. These students must have a "safe" place. So, we must offer these arrangements. Oh, and they cannot be discriminated against.

Can you follow this path further down the road in your mind? Where does this lead? What will your local elementary school look like in a few years? What will be taught? It's already being taught in many places.

Which reminds me: children's books. Be careful at the library because there are a lot of children's books being written to address these issues. They are also being read to classes in many elementary schools.

Another major category is GN language. You know, we must say actor instead of actor/actress, etc. This, of course, moves us into GN Bible translations. Oh, don't even get me started. Read. Be aware. Be informed. The version you love may have been edited recently. Research before you buy because this one is serious. Altering the Word of God to be more "inclusive" and PC??? Not good.

So it seems this is the way our world is going. I cannot even imagine how things will be in 20 or 30 years. Obviously, we must teach about this to our children. God's word says:

 "So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them." Genesis 1:27

God created two sexes. Distinct and different from one another. Plain and simple. And because my Lord did this, and said that it was good, I will continue to believe that there should be a distinction. Especially among Christians because if the world is going GN, then we should stand apart from that. What does this mean? It means my girls and I will be wearing a lot more skirts and even when we wear other things, we will make sure to look as feminine as we can. As much NOT GN as possible. It means men should look like men. I know this varies from culture to culture, but there should be a distinction--both in our dress and our behavior!

And I will pray. I do not hate people who are confused about their gender, but I do hate that it is common in our world. Children are hurting, they are committing suicide. They are miserable. They have been lied to and the Liar is deceptively confusing many people. God is not a God of confusion. These people need to know the Lord and Savior. They need prayer.

So as a Christian, I will guard against the rising tide of GN in our world, I will teach my children the truth, and I will continue to speak the truth. God did not mess up. He did not make a mistake.

What do you say about all of it? What should our reaction as Christians be?

Garbage In...

When I was in high school, our youth minister was really big into talking about what music we listened to. And what books we read and what movies we watched. He told us we should guard our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus. He told us, garbage in...garbage out. I heard it a lot.

I still listened to "secular" music sometimes, but mostly I tried to listen to contemporary Christian music.

I grew up listening to country music. That's what my parents listened to. And by the way, I read once that children in the 40s listened to whatever kind of music their parents listened to. There was not separate music for different ages. It was during the 50s when "teenager" became a marketable notion, that music began to be sold and made and marketed just to them. Suddenly, children thought their parent's music was no good, and insisted on listening to "their" music. The divide remains.

Anyway, looking at the whole thing from a wise old 39 year old viewpoint, I can see what a racket it all is. Justin B. is a good example of this. You may have never heard any of his music, but by golly, you've heard of him. Most children know about him. He is well marketed. And he seems to be a clean teeny-bopper kind of kid. What could be wrong with his music? Lay you ten to one most parents have never even checked it out. There may not be anything wrong at all with his music, but it is being produced by adults. Who know what they are doing.

I do not have children who are interested in music just yet. Sweetheart got a little MP3 player for her birthday and S loaded it with some Christian music we had on our computer. It's not exactly a hip play list from a worldly point of view. She hardly ever listens to it. She just isn't "into" listening to music. Whatever I put on in the car is fine with them. And my kids still don't know who Justin B is. I know because I overheard a 1st grade boy ask Sweetheart if she knew Justin B. and she said no. He was shocked. I wonder, how does HE know?

I'm thinking about all this today because my nephew listens to some bands I've never heard of and when I look up the lyrics I am not really happy. A teen at our church told me a name of a band recently and I looked them up. Yeah, not impressed. It isn't really even what they are saying wrong but that the lyrics make really no sense. Throw in a few cuss words and I'm really not impressed.

Now I know I sound old saying the lyrics make no sense but really...I am literate. I minored in English. I am left reading the song and thinking, "WHAT is this song even about?" Sometimes it's quite obvious what the songs are about and that Christians should not be listening.

When I was a teenager, I differentiated between songs...not singers or bands. I might say, "Well, this one song they sing has bad words, but most of their stuff is OK." I really didn't buy CDs (OK OK---cassette tapes) of groups or singers that much so I was pretty much left with what was being played on the radio or MTV. And no, we weren't supposed to watch MTV but we did when my parents were gone.

I want to get a grip on all this before my children start caring about music. It's funny to be thinking about a topic from a parent's point of view, FULLY remembering how I felt about the topic from the other side.

As Christian parents, what should we say and do about music in our children's lives?

Tell them "Christian only" and enforce that at home?
Buy them itunes cards for Christmas and choose to not listen to their ipod to see what they downloaded?
Tell them it's up to them but don't make the rest of us have to listen to it also?
Look up the lyrics to every single song and read over them with our children before putting a band on the good or bad list?
Make them listen to classical music until they leave home? :)

What do you think?

In the Dark

It's been nearly a year since we got rid of our TV service. This weekend we went to "the trailer" (my parent's country home, if you are new here) and they have TV there. The main thing we watched, besides football and some cartoons, was Extreme Makeover Home Edition. I wanted to watch that because it was about a homeschool family from Texas. OH how I wanted to see the beautifully done, totally wonderful homeschool space they would create.

But they never mentioned it. They DID, however, make mention of the girls liking "fashion" about 8,000 times. If you were watching, there was an alphabet on display in the old home where I assume they did some of their homeschool work, however at the new house they never even showed a room that would have been for homeschooling.

They did build a runway in the upstairs hallway so there's always that.

At least I don't need to be jealous of the awesome homeschool room now.

Anyway, MY POINT is that I was a bit shocked by some of the commercials that were shown during EMHE.

Here's one example: (don't watch if your kiddos are hanging over your shoulder. I unchecked "show related videos" but it still was so I'm changing it to a link.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GoRbDm644E8&feature=related


Um. Wow. That used to be p*rn.

Also there were ads for Desperate Housewives which were inappropriate. That hasn't changed in a year's time.

And then today I read this summary of the new fall season.

Maybe it's because we've been away, but I'm not used to having to change the channel during commercials. Do you watch this stuff in front of your kids? Even if you are watching an OK show like EMHE...the commercials alone are not acceptable to me.

So, you guys with TV service, do you just DVR everything? Wait until the kids have gone to bed? Only watch cartoons? What? How do you deal with all the blatant smut on TV today?

Is is just me? Am I in the dark or have things gotten pretty bad?

The Eye-Opening Conference

So I told you that Saturday our youth minister had coordinated a seminar on sexuality in today's culture. Kind of a "here's what our kids are up against" report.

Wow. I am really out of it.

When we sat down, we had several packets to leaf through before things got started. One packet included the lyrics to a few currently popular songs. I was embarrassed just reading them. But I'm glad I did. It made me remember a friend in high school whose mom was upset he was listening to "Jump" by Van Halen. At the time, we all rolled our eyes and laughed and wondered what on earth was wrong with that song. He said she was afraid it was about suicide. We laughed some more.

I'm not laughing about the song lyrics I read on Saturday. They make Van Halen look like the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. These links are NOT to the videos but rather to the lyrics if you should like to see what some kids today are listening to. (Caution: do not click these if your children are hanging over your shoulder!) "3" by Britney Spears, "Rude Boy" by Rihanna, "In My Head" by Jason Derulo, and "Bedrock" by Lil' Wayne were the songs given in the packet. I'm sure they are just a sampling.

So the first speaker went over the purpose of sexuality. His answers were: 1. Pleasure (Gen. 2:23, Song of Solomon), 2. Procreation (Gen. 1:28), and 3. An image of Christ and His church (Eph. 5:22-33). Then he started talking about sexuality in technology and media.

One thing I learned on Saturday was how p*rn*graphy has changed. He told the typical story of finding some one's Dad's magazines at a sleepover. Yep. That's true for me except it was some one's older brother's magazines. Well, it ain't like that anymore. P*rn falls into three categories today: er*tica (which would be the old-school magazines), hardc*ore, and sm*t (r*pe, death, besti*lity, and children). It's WAY more depraved and WAY more accessible. They gave a lot of statistics and basically nearly every school-aged child has encountered p*rn on the internet in one way or another.

He went on to discuss how music (see above), movies, the internet, and "s*xting" (sending stuff via texting) has affected our culture's and our children's view of sexuality. Everyone had stories of stuff sent to their teens on their cell phones, solicitations made while playing X-Box, and just the hundreds of ways our children are encountering an ungodly view of it all. Boy is it out there and it is rampant and it is depraved.

A middle school counselor was the next speaker and he talked about several things. One thing that really struck me was the report that a female coach (PE teacher) at his school doesn't let the girls shower after class because she's afraid of what would go on in the showers. Seems h*m*sexuality is very common and kind of popular among the girls.

And that is where I wrote on my notes NOTE: CONTINUE HOMESCHOOLING.

I'm not saying I can protect my children from everything because clearly, it's everywhere. But I can say I will not knowingly put them in a situation to be affected in that way. But our children, yes even our dear sweet innocent homeschooled kids, need to be prepared to deal with what is out there. I believe that begins by knowing exactly what God's Word has to say about it all as well as being told what to do when they encounter it in their real life....which they will.

Any thoughts?

Pop Culture At Our House

Notice I'm not writing a post about pop culture and homeschooled kids....because I can only speak about what I know. That is, I can speak about my family.

I think my daughters are very oblivious about pop culture. I would love for someone to come up with a little quiz about "Things Tweens Know and Love" and let me give it to 10 1/2 year old Sweetheart. I think she might fail. She doesn't know who Justin Bieber is. She's never watched American Idol or Dancing With the Stars. She hasn't read Harry Potter or Twilight. She could not list one single Jonas Brothers or Taylor Swift song if you offered her money. She doesn't have a cell phone or a Facebook account. I have no idea what popular things I am leaving out.

This isn't entirely because she's a homeschooled kid. 'Cause we know plenty of homeschoolers and many of them would know every single thing I just listed. Sure, it comes into play. She isn't around a roomful of her peers for 8 hours a day so she simply does not know what is popular at the moment. If she did, she'd be all in. She's always been sway-able. It used to really concern me. When she went to private school there was a popular girl in her class who was really into Littlest Pet Shop toys. Sweetheart HAD to have them. She worried about how she only had ____ when (popular girl) had ____.

Know what happened? As soon as summer hit, those Pet Shops went by the wayside. The whole first year we homeschooled I was delighted to watch my little girl realize what things SHE was interested in and spend time pursuing those things. Things I know she might have been ridiculed for liking by school friends.

That's just an example. It still happens. What little things Sweetheart does know about what's popular usually comes from church. She came home talking about The Diary of a Wimpy Kid the other day. Told me who all at church had read it...who had seen the movie...how much she wanted to read it. So, I looked into it and set her up online reading at this website and after a while, she was done. She hasn't mentioned it again and I'm not sure it's something she really liked or just thought she should like. It's hard to tell.

There's nothing wrong with hearing about something everyone is talking about and being interested. Truth is, now that we don't have TV, all the talk about TV shows on people's Facebook statuses bore me. I know what show they are talking about, but I'm not INTO it...so....boring.

And yes, I really do think the lack of TV is causing seriouse lapses in my children's pop culture knowledge. They used to know who Hannah Montana was and oh that's the girl from (fill in name of Disney channel show). But now, nearly 4 months after turning off all TV service, we are clueless.

Magazines? Uh, we have Golf Digest and my mom's hand-me down magazines. Books? We go to the library mostly instead of the bookstore (or to the used bookstore) so they don't even see the big displays that scream HERE IS WHAT YOU SHOULD WANT TO BUY! Movies? There is so little worth going to see. We used to get Netflix so we stayed up with what was out there a little. I'm pretty picky and look everything up on Plugged In Online.

And we don't parent based on what other parents are doing. Your friend has a cell phone? That's nice dear. If you need to make a call, you are more than welcome to use mine. You want to get on the internet? There is your favorites folder, call me if you want to search for anything and we'll do it together. You want to watch TV? Run down to Grandpa's house...I'm sure Tom and Jerry is on.

Today I'm not going to talk about all the WHYS behind our decisions. That's another post in itself. The only point I'm trying to make is we are really out of it over here and we have no idea what's cool.

And I like it that way.

Driving Foolishness Away

Lately I've been thinking about foolishness. There are many foolish adults in this world and many more foolish children. You can see them everywhere. I am constantly amazed by the way some children are allowed to behave. I don't want my children learning from their example and I have been thinking about HOW to raise children that are NOT fools.

The answer, of course, is found in God's word. I just flipped back to my concordance and found a plethora of verses on foolishness. Proverbs is full of this topic. I think we will be studying this in school. As we read what the Bible says about fools, the girls will form a picture of a fool in their heads. Hopefully, they will remember this character, "the fool" and recognize him when they see him in real life. Hopefully, they will recognize foolish behavior and know how important it is to stay away from it. And to not behave in that way.

The Bible tells us foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. It also tells us how to get rid of that foolishness. And I believe it. I don't even need to debate it with anyone. The world's wisdom tells us that this method will psychologically scar our children and lead them to be violent but I know better.

It isn't only about driving it out---although that is an important part of the deal--it's also about instructing. It is important. Very important. And it starts here.

This article, however controversial the author to some people, has really good things to say about it. We must guard what media is being fed to our children. We do not want them having fools for role models. That includes real-life people they are around too. Which is why middle school makes less and less sense to me every day. :)

The more I think about it, the more Proverbs becomes a gem in my mind. I have not been studying God's word with my girls they way I should, but these thoughts about fools has reminded me of the importance of it all.

NOT Cattle

We had to drive to a local Bible bookstore this weekend which just happens to be located near the biggest mall around. Oh my word, the traffic.

We drove past most of it to get to our destination but I couldn't help but stare at the LONG line of cars all trying to get into one lane and one place at the same time.

It reminded me of cattle. Moo. Get in line.

I went to college in a country town and the agricultural department had cows out by the highway. At milking time, the cows just automatically got in line to be milked. No questions asked. Moo.

May I just say......we are not cattle. Get out of line!

I was so glad we weren't in that line for the mall. And I was so glad to read this article today too.

Why are you doing what you are doing? Not just at Christmastime, but in all aspects of your life? Are you just in line doing what the other cows are doing? Or are you depending on God's road map for your life?

Who Decides What We Wear?

This was originally posted January 21, 2009.

In the 1920s, upper class society and their social calendar set the stage for what would be fashionable each season. In the spring and summertime, the wealthy had grand balls, the races, garden parties, and art exhibitions to attend. So the "fashion houses" launched their new lines of clothing for each season...and the rest of the world watched.

Clothing designers were almost exclusively housed in France and that is where America got their fashions as well. After the new line was launched, America reported on it, and women got busy getting in style.

This was no small task! For the wealthy, many changes of clothes were required for each day as not only the season determined what was appropriate to wear, but also the time of day. Even maids had "morning" uniforms and "afternoon" uniforms! I know how exhausting it can be to change clothes several times a day because I used to do that when my babies would spit up on me several times a day! :) OK--I'm no wealthy, upper class woman!

Later, during World War II, Paris was cut off and American and British designers became the trendsetters for a time. New York became the fashion center and while Paris did regain their influence later, it was never exclusive again.

But in the 1930s, American women transitioned from watching Paris for all their fashion clues, to watching the movies. Many designers followed along and offered designs based on movies rather than whatever it was Europe was doing.

In fact, so strong was this "Hollywood influence" that pants became acceptable for women to wear in part because of two actresses photographed wearing them! One was Marlene Dietrich and the other was Katherine Hepburn. (here is an interesting letter written at the time--go to the 3rd paragraph of her post) Later, jeans (called dungarees) became popular with young people after Marilyn Monroe was photographed wearing them.

How easily molded are we?

More to come!

The Royal Influence

This post was originally from Jan. 21, 2009.

This would be the longest post EVER if I tried to write it all at once. And since there is no way I can find that much uninterrupted time anyway, I'm going to do this in pieces today, OK?

Most of my research focused on this century, but if you go a bit further back, you will find that royalty was a major influence on fashion. I had a real DUH moment while I was reading. I never realized that "Victorian" referred to Queen Victoria's era. I know--I was appalled too. Queen Victoria did indeed have a major influence on women's clothing during her reign. Even black became fashionable when the Queen was widowed and began to wear her mourning clothes.

Even in the 1940's, young girls carefully watched what Princess Elizabeth and Princess Margaret Rose wore. (Picture here.) In our own time, we have been witness to the influence of Princess Diana. Royalty has truly influenced fashion for a very, very long time.

In light of yesterday's events (that was the inauguration)...I think it's clear that America's answer to royalty is sometimes seen in the First Family. I've already heard enough of what Michelle is wearing, as well as her daughters. I can see it already--more influence is coming. Certain other former First Ladies have greatly influenced women's dress as well.

So, influence #1? Royalty. More to come!

A Distinction

I'm re-posting this series I did on Women's Fashion. This post originally was from January 12, 2009.

I've been studying and researching women's dress for a while now. I guess it really started about 2 or 3 years ago, but lately I've really been interested in how we got where we are today.

When I first began reading blogs, the argument of "dresses only" was brought to my attention. I had never heard of such a thing except in thinking of our Pentecostal friends growing up. I was completely unaware that there were many Christian women who considered pants to be sinful. This really was news to me! I studied the scriptures and looked at the arguments they presented. I couldn't come to the same conclusion. Oh, I agree that many, many pants are immodest and some skirts are too. I know for some it is an issue of (believed) Biblical mandate, and for others, modesty is the cited reason for their wardrobe choices. I laid the issue to rest, satisfied that I had studied scriptures about it.

But I haven't been able to completely shake it from my mind.

And it's not because I gained some new insight into scripture and guess what? it really does say we are supposed to wear only dresses! because...I don't believe that.

Still, there was something about it all. What was it?

The first time I heard that pants were sinful I was really thrown for a loop. WHAT? Women have worn pants for as long as I can remember. I was photographed with Santa when I was nearly 2 wearing blue corduroy overalls. (And yes, Santa did think I was a boy.) What exactly is the issue? Women have "women pants" and men have "men pants", right?

Then I heard about distinction and things started making a bit more sense. God created Adam and Even differently. I'm thinking since they were originally wearing no clothes, that distinction was glaringly obvious to them! There was no shame in their nakedness until sin entered the picture. So imagine, if you will, Adam in his birthday suit. He's been working in the Garden for a while now, he's named all the animals and no suitable helper was found for him. He was incomplete. God caused Adam to fall asleep and took one of his ribs and formed the woman. Now when Adam wakes up, there is beautiful, soft, curvy Eve, also in her original birthday suit. How beautiful she must have looked to Adam! God created her to be attractive to him, no doubt. He also made her to be a suitable helper for him--a purpose completely different than Adam's.

Can you agree with me that God made the two sexes distinctly different from each other? Not only were Adam and Eve looking at physical differences between the two of them, but they were created for entirely different purposes! When they were punished and sent out of the Garden, they were given entirely different curses. These two people...representative of all men and women to come...were very, very different from one another. God recognized this, and surely so did Adam and Eve.

Now let's flash forward to today--to 2009. The women's liberation movement has left it's big 'ol footprint on our society in so many ways that honestly, we don't even recognize it sometimes. For women my age and younger, well, we grew up with feminism. "Anything boys can do girls can do better!" is what we sang on the playground. When I was teaching they sang, "Girls rule, boys drool." Heaven knows what they are saying now! Feminism has affected our families, jobs, marriages, country, churches, government, children, the statistics of our population, and yes...our fashion. It's not even possible to discuss women's clothing and not include a study on the history of feminism.

But today I only want to make one point: God created men and women differently. Originally, there was a distinction. Guess what? There still is no matter how badly some would like to erase that fact. No matter what we say goes in marriage and family--only females can have babies--and you still need a male to participate in the making of that baby in some capacity. Physically, we are still different although we try to hide that fact with our clothing.

Do you suppose if women could totally mask the differences seen with the naked eye, then they would be treated as equal? Of course not! Women who join the military must have some things different. No matter how much they would prefer to be treated "just like any other soldier", women have their per*ods while they are in combat. I cannot even imagine that! Women who are soldiers get pregnant. Women who are soldiers are NOT able to do the same physical tasks that men can do.

You can dress like a man, talk like a man, walk like a man, hold a job like a man....but you are still a woman. We have smudged it, but it cannot be erased.

That's my point today. BUT, the crazy, mind-blowing part of all this is....

...people saw this coming!

I borrowed a book called Women Are Wonderful! A History in Cartoons of a Hundred Years With America's Most Controversial Figure. I'm giving full credit for this book, which was published in 1956 and edited by Cole and Robinson. I would like to share a few cartoons from this book with you.

The caption on this first one says, "In some cases it's hard to tell whether they're boys or girls--except by the earrings."

That cartoon above is from the late 1920's and was making fun of "the short skirts and boyish figures" popular during that time. Of course women weren't actually walking around looking that much like men, but the cartoonist saw the road ahead. Perhaps they thought they were only joking!

The woman in this next cartoon, from 1945 says: "I bet you're glad to see an American girl after those horrible savages in the Pacific." And of course, the young man is stricken. I have to say, this cartoon was just a bit convicting. I understand completely how this young sailor would have loved to come home to a lovely feminine girl and just look what he got! How is that different from my husband coming home at the end of the day? Gulp!

Amelia Bloomer popularized the baggy pantaloons worn under skirts that were intended to allow women to participate in more activities. They didn't catch on quite so well at first and were quite shocking to many.

Interesting to me that this cartoonist from the late 1800's saw much further down the road. I would have really thought that women were just fighting for dress reform. But if a cartoonist could see the end result of these changes, did the women (and their husbands) involved in the reform efforts also see the end result? It is entitled "The Bloomer Girl's Wedding."

And the book says, "A picture to put the fear of God into any man in 1896." But really, are you that shocked by it today?

Some think of it as purely a fashion thing. But I think it speaks of so much more.

What do you say about distinction between the sexes?

A Journey of Octobers

A few years ago we began to change the way we did things. As a newlywed, I decorated a really cute Halloween wreath to hang on the front door of our apartment. S told me he didn't like it and he didn't really think we should be celebrating Halloween. I, of course, thought that was the silliest thing I'd ever heard. I ended up throwing the wreath away, but when our kids were born, we started them off celebrating Halloween just like everyone else. Oh don't get me wrong....we didn't do "scary" Halloween. So it was okay, right?

I thought I would post some of my older posts about this. It's interesting to see how our family has been transformed these last few years.

2007--Changing is Hard

2008--A New Tradition

2008--The Tea Party

I have found our new tradition to be very satisfying. The kids get a costume. We make sure there is some candy involved in the activities (but I can control how much!). They get a day of fun. And it has nothing to do with Halloween. There are no Halloween decorations--nothing scary, nothing evil, nothing gross. AND they learn too!

This year's theme is Pioneers. All the girls will have a pioneer dress, provided we finish sewing them in time and they will do pioneer era activities that day. I can't wait!

Anyway, two years later I no longer find it hard to do this. Halloween is NOT something we participate in. The kids are used to it. We have no desire to celebrate Halloween any more. The thing they really liked about it (the costumes) have been preserved. It works.

Sometimes I guess you just have to practice a bit.

A Place for the Husband

Dads get a bad rap on TV. Sitcoms as well as commercials depict husband/fathers as really big dolts who can't think past the end of their noses.

And many women are really willing to agree that it is so in their life.

If you don't watch out, you can find yourself rolling your eyes at your own husband although you would certainly be VERY UPSET if he were to roll his eyes at YOU. Attitudes are contagious. I don't want my girls growing up thinking "girls rule, boys drool." It won't play well into their future marriages.

This weekend my husband was sitting on the couch with the laptop, Bibles and commentaries spread all around him as well as the coffee table, studying for the Bible study he leads on Sunday evenings. The fan was blowing every page so he had various heavy objects trying to weight down the books and Bibles he had open. It wasn't a very comfortable study spot.

He said something about, "I sure look forward to the day when I can have a study or a home office."

Hmm. Poor man. The dining room table was full of my sewing stuff. The homeschool table is always covered in stuff. There really isn't any other place in the house for HIM. He leaves to go to work and we take over the whole house.

Instead of lamenting our little house and feeling discontent, I prayed. I prayed for help thinking of a solution. The sewing room, even if it were clean, is really too small for him to work in. He has the garage for his woodshop. We really need the homeschool room. Hmm. Hmm.

Then I got an idea! I was very excited. I told the girls my idea yesterday and they cannot wait for Daddy to come home tonight and see the surprise we have for him. All it took was a little rearranging.

My nightstand goes to the toy room to put Little Bit's dollhouse on. I don't use a nightstand really. Sweetheart's old desk comes out of the garage and into our room. The dresser and small bookshelf switch places.

AND.....TA DA!!!!

A study for Daddy. (S, if you are reading this you better fall over with surprise when you get home!)

Why is it so important? Because we think he is important. He isn't some useless dolt who wanders around our house. He is the head of our family. And he deserves a place to study.

Now My Planning Will Come to a Halt So I Can Think

If you can carve out 20 minutes any time this week, PLEASE watch this speech.

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/ken_robinson_says_schools_kill_creativity.html

This talk was given at a conference by Sir Ken Robinson. He is extremely enjoyable to listen to, and funny. He is speaking about the need to change how we educate our children. I am sure he means "within our school systems", but that isn't really the focus of his talk.

I will not go into the possibility or non-possibility of our school systems ever being reformed, but trust me when I say this made me think about how I educate my children at home.

Some of my thoughts:

• Why does homemaking get dropped down to last place? Why is that something I have to work so hard to fit in?
• Where have the arts been in our homeschool?
• I must be prayerful about what to focus on....not just follow the models given to me by society.
• Even within the arts, the focus might should follow each child's lead...rather than what I think is important. Again, prayerful.
• I am suddenly reminded of how far behind Sweetheart fell while in public school. I remember the meeting when it was suggested we might want to "test her further" in a few months. I've given those talks--I know what was being suggested.
• I am suddenly amazed by how well she is doing in homeschool. And how much art plays a part of her learning. If she can draw it, she can learn it. They don't allow that in public school so much. Unless it is "art time."
• How many other children could be saved?
• And how perfectly horrifying it is to think of strip mining. I've seen strip mining. Is that really what is happening to our kiddos?

If you do get a chance to watch this, please come back and let me know your thoughts.