In Which We Haven't Covered That Yet

The kids had an assignment from church last week. They all remembered when they walked in this morning. They were supposed to think of something Jesus or Paul did that they should do as well. (Coming off of Paul's words about if you have seen anything in him, imitate him....etc.) So the older girls thought of something and wrote it down. I was working with Baby Bee to think of something.

Me: Tell me some things Jesus or Paul did in the Bible.
Her: Jesus died on the cross. He rose from the grave. He walked on water. He gave a promise not to flood the earth. I don't know Paul.

:) Well...to be fair, we are still reading the Old Testament and she's only 3! We'll get there!

This week in school I have some goals. One of them is to, you know, DO school and FINISH things every day.

I know. Wow.

But the other is to keep up with Sweetheart, who was given some freedom and trust last week and decided to completely skip both Biology and Math all week! So, back to babysitting in a hard way. I surely wish we had another set up so that I could be beside all the girls at once. Need a bigger house! And not just because of homeschooling either. This floor plan just isn't working for us anymore. But...here we are. Until the Lord makes a way for us to move, we are here.

I've been brainstorming about rearranging but haven't come up with a solution just yet. I can assure you when I do, it will be easier to just do it than talk to S about it first. Even though we are going to have some major school work going on this summer, I am still getting in the mood to rearrange, paint, and fix things up around here! We don't have any plans to go anywhere much so I should have plenty of time!

In Which the Ages are Getting to Me

I'll tell you, there are SO many blessings of having kids ranging in age from 3 to 16. BUT.....sometimes it is not so good. The 12 year old and the 3 year old have especially been grating on my nerves lately. I truly understand how mothers used to say in olden times that their nerves were rattled. When I read about mothers whose nerves were rattled in old books I always think, "what a wienie." Like women who used to have to go lie down whenever something stressful happened. Please.

But as I'm typing this, the very energetic 3 year old who never stops ever not even for a nap is pelting me with wads of stuffing. They are "snowballs". About the 5th one that hit me in the face started me to twitching. Oh she rattles my nerves some days. She just has so much energy and needs so much attention and we just can't. The big girls are doing school. I'm doing school with them. Or I have to pay a bill. Or I'm trying to switch the laundry. Or I'm trying to load the dishwasher. I mean, I have played with her today. She will need more of that because she doesn't have a sibling close in age. I wish sometimes she did! I know I will need to play with her more but it's never enough. She never wants me to stop. So I have guilt about her needs.

Little Bee in the dentist chair yesterday.

And the 12 year old has issues. I mean, some things truly bother her. Today Bee was putting her hand on Little Bit's jeans. And it was making her crazy because she said Bee's fingernails were kind of scratching her jeans and it was giving her goosebumps. See? Issues. Those kind of things she cannot overlook and get over. So there is a constant balance between asking Little Bit to put up with something (I mean, Bee was leaning over on her while she fixed her show--she wasn't exactly doing anything wrong) and getting onto Bee because I know Little Bit has reached her breaking point. It's a hard balance.

Bee, Me, and Little Bit. So pretty.

And Little Bit needs things perfect. And just so. And Bee is anything but "just so." She is like a tiny Tasmanian Devil. A whirl of words and motion and movement and constant doing things. And Little Bit wants to direct her and tell her no. And tell her to watch out. And tell her to stop. And it's going to be the death of me. Of course Bee reacts to bossy sister by doing the annoying thing more.

Sigh. Hard balance.

Good news? Sweetheart got her learner's permit today! Which means I did the paperwork right! It was a huge job gathering every little thing and I'm so thankful they accepted what I had brought. Facebook friends were very helpful with the advice.

When we left the DPS office I handed the keys to Sweetheart and told her to act like she was driving home. We did it just to watch Little Bit's face. She panicked. She doesn't want to ride with Sweetheart "until she's a professional." Her words. Can't blame her. I sure wish my van had a brake on the passenger's side.

As we were at story time today before the DPS office, I was watching a mom with a newborn and a little 3 year old boy. How different her world than the one where you have a 3 year old and a driver.

Hmm.

Love them all three.

Even when Mama's nerves are rattled.

In Which Spring Break is the Middle (for some)

Well, since we got such a late start on our school year (Dad in the hospital most all summer, his funeral, recovery from that) and started after Labor Day, we are JUST NOW half-way through with the school year. Well, Little Bit is anyway. She would be a little further but we accomplished exactly one week of school before her tics reared their ugly head.

We went to a psychologist for the first time for her a few weeks ago. She's seen a neurologist twice, but the neurologist heard she had been dealing with anxiety and said the psychologist could help with that as well as the Tourette Syndrome. I was very unimpressed with the clinic, but the doctor herself was great. She said she would give grief at least a year before she would worry about treating the anxiety (which has since gone away) so that was reassuring.

Climbing on the rhino that sticks out of the building at the zoo.

The other good news is Little Bit will being doing some training this summer to learn a method which the name escapes me right now but basically it is learning to re-train the brain to ignore the tics. She said we will have to go to about 6 sessions, with homework and then we should be good. That is good news as well.

While we were at the psychologist's office, we got into a brief discussion about Sweetheart and her ADD. We had tried meds last year but they didn't work. I was telling the doctor how the doc who prescribed the meds wouldn't put her on a stimulant due to her sister having TS. She said that was ridiculous and she absolutely could have stimulants. So....to medicate or not to medicate?

OK, maybe Sweetheart can help Little Bit.

Well, earlier this week Sweetheart was going to make mac-n-cheese to go with our supper. She messed up and put the milk, butter, and noodles all in the boiling water. OK. Read the directions, slow down and think about what you are doing. Certainly not her first time to make mac-n-cheese! Then she messed it up again! That's two boxes of food down the drain if you are keeping count. The next day she messed up something else she was cooking. I made it for her the next time. That's five boxes of food we went through for 2 side dishes. She's 16 and she's pretty comfortable in the kitchen. She can make a lot of things. This really concerned me. For goodness sake one day this child may need to feed herself! If she can't even concentrate long enough to make something as simple as noodles, that's a problem! Not to mention how behind in school she is or how long it takes her to get something done. Not to mention her room.

SERIOUSLY I'm not going to mention those things!!!!!

They aren't good for my blood pressure.

Hang on, Bee. You seem to be backwards.

For now I shall concentrate on the fact that my 6th grader is half-way through with school. And I will rejoice in that.
We're gonna give "year round school" a whole new meaning this year, that's for sure.

Whew. There were about 25 other pictures in this series. They crack me up.

So I Have Some Things To Say...

And I remembered I had a blog where I could say them! Isn't that nice?

Sheesh. Life is too busy. Little bitty two year olds make a big difference in the house.

So I found out today how easy it is to score drugs for your kid. Sweetheart is drowning in 9th grade. We are barely keeping her head above water. And if it were public school, she would NOT be keeping it above. Only because homeschooling is flexible and able to be fit for each child's personality and needs is she still here today.

S and I talked about meds for the first time a few weeks ago. I've known for a long time that she probably has ADD. No hyperactivity on her part. She a little impulsive, but nothing that would warrant grave concern on that side of the equation. But the inattention? Oh yes. She's there. So I called her pediatrician, who gave me the numbers to four psychiatrists in the area, explaining that the pediatrician's office just doesn't handle ADHD referrals. No problem.

After some shuffling, we were finally seen this morning. Through a series of events, I don't believe the doctor even was aware that we were coming or what we were there for. But within about 40 minutes of our arrival, I walked out with a prescription in my hand for stimulants for my child. Easy peasy.

Then I came home and started researching side effects for the particular drug we had been given. And I got scared and chickened out. As much as I long for a magical pill that will suddenly make everything easier--room more organized, school work completed and in a timely manner, things not constantly lost....etc., I just cannot bring myself to go this route just now.

So I'm researching more natural alternatives and dietary changes. That won't be a quick fix and that annoys me, but oh well. It was funny while the doctor was asking "Do you....?" "Do you ever...?" questions, Sweetheart's eyes got kind of big and I could tell she was thinking, "How do you know me?" Because oh boy was that doctor describing her!

And next time I'll share with you our recent medical journey with 10 year old Little Bit.....

Little Toot

What do you do when Mama says, "Stay on the hard floor to eat your muffin. Don't get on the carpet"?

Well of course you go stand right on the edge. 

In Which We Try to Undo Sloppy Habits

Yesterday I was asking and wondering about instilling good character qualities in our children. I posted on a Facebook group I am in about what resources there are to use for character training. Boy, I got a lot of responses! I'm going to be going through those and posting the ones I find interesting on here a bit later. As soon as I have time to look up all the links. Sounds like a good summer school study, don't you think? I could incorporate reading (books and stories about characters with good...um...character), possibly writing, and maybe even some good old movie watching could be involved.

We rode the ferry Saturday. Free and fun!

S and I talked about this over the weekend. He and I were trying to remember when we started to "take over" doing things of our own initiative. It was hard to remember. The reason? Because we did things because we had to do them. There was no choice. You came home from school, you got a snack and immediately started on homework. You did the dishes after supper and when everything was done, your time was your own. For him, that meant going outside to play basketball. He was motivated to get finished with his responsibilities before it was pitch black outside.

So we decided that's how things needed to be around here. Playing will happen when you are done with everything else. Now we did take recess yesterday at 10am like we are supposed to. The girls and I all went on a 30 minute bike ride. So it's not like they didn't get a break.

Bee was really excited to be on a boat. Little Bit loved watching the birds. 

Before breakfast I expected them to be up, dressed, hair fixed, and bed made. And their pajamas put away. They were already frustrated with me before we even ate. Then, before school they had to clean up their breakfast, brush their teeth and have anything else done that needed doing. It made the whole day run smoother. 

I know you're thinking....Brenda...this is not revolutionary news. I agree. I was trying to think how we even got into sloppy habits like the girls not making their beds in the mornings. I always make our bed. I always had to make my bed before school growing up.

Did a little rearranging this weekend. Surprised? Now Little Bit has her own desk. She's happy. She has to have things neat.

I believe it began with a pregnancy test. That year I was pregnant with Baby Bee...whew! Mama was tired. We did the basics. Then, of course, I had a newborn. The girls had to be pretty independent for a while there. They got breakfast themselves, they took breaks when they wanted to (I was sleeping or busy with a baby so I didn't fuss). All that to say, I think they slipped into some sloppy habits over the last few years.

So I am staying on them about picking up after themselves at every turn. I will insist responsibilities be finished before playtime. They're going to love me.

Now everyone has somewhere to work. 

This girl sits across from me now. 

But I think it will go a long way towards them looking like responsible people. And perhaps those habits are what turn you into a responsible person down the road?

Dreaming and a Question

Can I go to work today, please?

Can I just drop the kids off with someone else, get in my car by myself and go sit in a quiet little office and work on the computer and file things and copy things? Please?

It really sounds nice today.

Instead, today I must handle a crazy (albeit cute) fit-pitching toddler, educate a 10 year old, and nag a 14 year old to death.

I am very grateful to be home with my kids! I know I am blessed. Just not looking forward to today. Is that OK?

Now I have a question. How do you instill character qualities into your children? I can make my kids do things, but how do I ensure they develop the character quality that will help them to do the things they need to do even when I'm not standing there making them?

I think it's initiative I need to instill. Plus self-control, attentiveness, diligence, responsibility, thoroughness, and dependability. Yeah, how do I instill those things?

Is learning about them enough? Does memorizing the definitions of  the character qualities produce them in your children? Certainly it would help them in recognizing good character vs. poor character. It's been a few years since we really studies character traits. Perhaps it's time again.

But will that do it? When does this transfer take place? When can I expect them to do what they know needs to be done without my direct involvement or a command?

Early Monday Morning

S has been very helpful and supportive with my homeschool concerns lately. He's home enough now to see for himself the problems I have with keeping Sweetheart on task and on schedule and not distracted and not losing things, etc. When he had his mowing business he was gone a lot. I'm thankful that preaching-as-a-second-job allows him to be home so much more. He's very helpful!

It always surprises me when I give one of the girls a direction and they are whining or begging for some other thing and he cuts in with, "Go do it!" to the girl. Ah. So nice and refreshing to cut all that jabber and just have them go obey.

I know I could/should cut them off every time and have them obey like that, but honestly it is very tiring to always be the one giving directions. I think that's one thing about homeschooling that's exhausting---the directing all the time. To be the one constantly re-directing, checking on, getting on to, encouraging, instructing, keeping on task....

Does that tire you out too?

Maybe that's just parenting.

It's easier to ignore them and just think, "I don't hear any sounds of violence coming from their room so things must be good." It's easier--but not better.

So he said he would get Sweetheart up at 6 every morning so she can have time to get ready and get her physical therapy done. Her stretches and exercises take 45 minutes twice a day--a real time sucker! This morning Bee happened to call for me at 6:15 and that was the first any of us knew it was morning. Thankfully, I got her up and she got going. In fact, she's in the living room getting Bee dressed now. So nice for her to have time to get her stuff done AND be helpful!

Mondays are choir days for us. Choir is about 30-45 minutes away. We have to pack school work, choir stuff, lunches, toys for Bee, and stuff for me to do. It's an endeavor let me tell you. And then when we get home there is more school work to do.

Which is why I love Tuesdays. Tuesdays we stay home. ***big smile***

But first I must make it through today where I set the timer for every single thing Sweetheart does to keep her on track, assign homework for what is not finished, keep after her to pick up after herself following any activity, while also teaching a 4th grader and managing a 1 year old.

A one year old who scratched me on Sunday morning. I said, "Why on earth did you do that?" and she said, "I a tiger."

Then when we got to church she ran 15-20 laps around the auditorium. We were hoping that would tire her out for during church but ha ha. Needless to say, I made use of the cry room on Sunday and there was crying. And I wasn't even trying to make her sit! I was letting her play! Some days it just isn't happening. She was in such a fine mood. After church she walked across the big field by our church and then when she got back to the car she was hanging from the door handles saying, "I a ooh-aah!" (monkey). Oh it was quite a morning. I should have known after I took this picture Sunday morning before church:

One day THIS one will be my 8th grader.

And you know what? I can't wait.

 Because I love every single one....

 ...of these girls....

...so stinkin' much!

Even early on a Monday morning.

Raising Up Hackers (Part 5)

One of the things I want to do to overhaul my daughters' education and make it more meaningful is to allow them time and resources to pursue their own interests. A child who is motivated to learn say....first aid...is going to learn SO much more than a child who has been assigned something to learn.

Of course there are things my daughters have no interest in learning that they still must--Math being king around here. That's not even up for discussion. Math is required by law. You need math to graduate. Math is happening. Within those parameters, we can play around a little. We will get into that next week.

Yesterday I asked you what your children chase after. What are they drawn to in their spare time? If you answered "watching TV" then we may have an issue. That certainly would have been my answer for Sweetheart about 5 years ago. She had definite couch potato tendencies. Getting rid of our TV was an excellent move for her future. So perhaps part of having time for children to pursue what interests them is having an environment that encourages that as well.

Sweetheart trying to learn math with Bee helping. 

In researching all of this, I found myself on a lot of unschooling blogs and websites. I have to tell you, reading about unschooling makes me twitch just a bit. When we first decided to homeschool and I was learning about it, I read Learning All the Time by John Holt. I remember I closed the book and said, "You know, I agree with what he's saying.....for little kids." I just couldn't see how my then 7 year old would EVER come to me and say, "Mom, I'd really like to learn how to do long division please???" Not happening. If I just totally let my children go with the attitude of "it doesn't really matter what they are doing because they are learning all the time!" I would have some seriously stupid kids. I do agree that Bee is learning all the time. Even the most mundane of activities helps her pick up new vocabulary and new concepts. Last night while I was rocking her before bed we  had to discuss the heater she heard come on, the air vent the heat comes out of, and the difference between heat and when we turn the fan on. With my 20 month old.

Captain Baby Sword

The Bible tells me that foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. Also that God is a God of order. That ramble around homeschooling lifestyle didn't seem wise to me. My children would not make wise choices. They would make easy choices. And their learning would be very disorganized.

Now before I get attacked by some unschoolers, let me say this. I KNOW there are unschoolers who have raised up successful, smart, awesome kids. Graduated them and sent them out into the world and it all worked great. I also think that that would work on some kids no matter what. But it's a percentage of children and families who could successfully do that--not everyone. Also, I know that unschooling families differ greatly in their methods. Some are truly hands-off, go on with life and leave the kids to their own thing. Others are very intentional about leaving the right resources lying about and guiding their children into learning. There is interest-led, delight-directed....all kinds of descriptions for what goes on in an unschooling homeschool.

But it got me thinking about the right environment. I think that is key. If I want Sweetheart to pursue writing, for example, then I need to provide her time and physical space to write! She has a school laptop she is writing her book on right now. Her dad has shown her how to do some things on the computer to make it easier. We make sure the girls keep their room cleaned up and the desk area straight. She has access to a camera to make the pictures for her book. Whatever she has asked for, I have tried to help her get. (She needed a board for a picture prop the other day.)

Little Bit working hard

If my child were interested in a topic, I would need to get them to the library and help them find resources. Or perhaps I would need to find a field trip for them to go on. I would need to help them search the web to answer questions they had. Knowing that some questions will require 5 minutes online and then they are satisfied, and some things might take days or weeks to pursue.

I thought about what I have done as an adult when I am interested in a topic. Here comes my super nerdy confession. I've kind of learned not to talk about this stuff because I always have gotten strange looks and yes been made fun of as an adult. We went to see Apollo 13 when it came out in theaters. I had never, I mean never heard of this event before! We went straight home from the movie theater and asked both S's mom and my dad if they remembered it.

Then while Dad was talking I was confused about the difference in the Apollo program, the Gemini program and the Mercury program. So I went to the library. Lost count of how many books I read. Watched documentaries on it. Watched an HBO special. Read more. Then I found myself sitting on the floor in "the stacks" at the old library thumbing through the bound copies of LIFE magazine that featured the articles on the astronauts and their wives and families. Man I miss the stacks. Point is, I LOVED learning about the early space program. Totally intriguing to me. A friend's Dad worked at NASA during the Apollo 13 event and he brought me a file folder with the entire transcript of every radio conversation between Mission Control and the spacecraft. SO awesome.

I can think of other things I've researched and learned about because I wanted or needed to. I read Consumer Reports at the library before I purchased a car seat for Sweetheart. I went to a car seat check up when she was tiny to have them help install it correctly after reading that most are installed wrong. The guy said, "Let me just check to see if there are any recalls on this car seat." I said, "Well, there shouldn't be. It was the top rated one in Consumer Reports." The guy and girl working there just looked at each other.

Yeah, I'll keep my nerdy mouth shut from now on.

The point is, I had time (pre children HA!) to research and read about what I was interested in. I not only loved every minute of it, I could tell you more than you ever want to know about the early space program. I learned and retained because I was interested.

What do you think we need to do for our children to be able to pursue their interests? I'm not talking about buying a horse because my child wants to ride horses. I'm talking about, for starters, Sweetheart picking something she wants to learn and learning it. Maybe it's something your child wants to learn to DO like juggling. I will almost say "this is part of your school day--do it."

Check out this awesome link I found last night. The 20% Project sounds like something we could easily do in our homeschools. It might begin what I want to become a habit and way of life around here. And help Sweetheart to wrap her head around what I'm asking her to do.

What do you think? What needs to happen for kids to pursue their own things?

Raising up Hackers (Part 4)

Sorry I didn't blog yesterday. Bee has a double ear infection and we went to the doctor yesterday morning. Also we managed to get school done and clean the house. AND that's the pretty much the full 16 hours I'm awake during the day. 

Now we get to the title of this series. If you watched the TED Talk featuring the 13 year old boy that I linked to previously, you know he talked about "hacking" his own education. He did say that he studies the basics. And then the rest of the time he spends learning what he's interested in. THIS is the part of our daughter's education that is lacking.

We started toward more independence a few years ago when Sweetheart began 6th grade. I wrote a post back then about how I had realized something was wrong with the way we were doing school. About how the homeschooling sun rose and set with me. It was because of the curriculum choices I had made really, but Sweetheart was waiting on me to do every subject. The only thing she could really do independently was Handwriting.

And that is why we switched to Sonlight in her 6th grade year. It really has helped too. Now, in 8th grade, the only things she needs me for are discussion/questions, help with math as needed, and spelling. And of course help with questions at any time. But I'm not actively teaching her all day. Light years away from where we were in 5th grade!

Now, in preparation for high school next year, I've got her doing so much there literally aren't enough hours in the day. Not good.

So there are really two parts of this education overhaul:

1. Teaching my kids to hack their own education.
2. Changing the way I do a few of those "non-required" subjects so that they still love to learn. (more on that later)

I really, really don't want my kids hating school. I dont' have a problem with them thinking of it as sort of a chore that has to be done. But I would like to them to intermittently get excited about it. Those two items listed above are both going to play into that I hope.

So I started texting Sweetheart because I wanted a record of this conversation for later. Plus she was all the way in the other room.

Me: What do you want to learn about? What interests you but you have no time to learn it?
S: Well I have lots of interests....like I want to be a painter, a dog owner, writer,  horse rider and so on and so on and also how to create a business.
Me: What kind of painting? You skip art every week!
S: What art?
Me: I used to put art lesson plans in your planner every week but you kept skipping them so I stopped!
S: Oh yeah
I'm just so busy with school! I don't even have time to do things I want to do cause we clean the house on Saturday and then on Sundays I don't have time
And I can't get a dog
Or a horse

(Yep, she summed it all up pretty well!)

Me: That's why I'm asking. Daddy and i are trying to knock school down to be more manageable. So what would you teach yourself if you had time?
A unit study?
S: What's that?
Me: Where you pick a topic and then learn all about it. Let's pretend you picked deer. Although why would you? But for fun let's pretend.
Then you would read books about deer, watch movies and documentaries about deer, learn to sketch and paint deer, go visit a petting zoo that had deer, etc.......
You just learn all about something you are interested in.
S: Well, I really want to make a book. It sounds fun and that's what I would like to do in my spare time. I looked on this website the other day and it had links to show you how to publish a kids book.
Me: Yes, writing is definitely something we need to focus on since that is your interest and talent. But I also want you to learn to be a self-directed learner.
S: ?????
Me: Here's the thing, unless we spend 20 hours a day doing school there is NO WAY I'm going to be able to teach you every single thing you need to know for life, right?
S: Yeah
Me: So do you agree that even after you have graduated there will still be lots of things for you to learn?
S: yes, you learn your whole life

(Ding ding ding!!!! good answer Sweetheart!)

Me: Right!!!
S: Okay so I have to teach myself to do things when I'm older sooooo....
Me: How will you do that if Mommy has been holding your hand every minute telling you exactly what to do and when?
S: Read?
Me: Reading is good. The point is you need to know how to learn yourself and teach yourself things you are interested in.
S: How do I teach myself something I don't know how to do?
Me: Unit studies!

We continued that conversation later. The point is, Sweetheart couldn't wrap her head around just having time to learn whatever she wanted. I'm still not sure she has grasped it.

I guess I will just have to make time for her to find out. Long term goal here. See, I know she said "writing and publishing a book" but that will almost be something we do in school. Or as a part of school anyway.

What do your kids chase after? What are they teaching themselves right now? What are their outside-of-school interests?

Next time I'll share my really nerdy side.

Raising Up Hackers (Part 3)

So I told S everything I was thinking and how I was very overwhelmed. He asked me, in his always calm manner, "Brenda, what are we required to teach them?"

So I read the state law to him. In Texas, we are required to teach reading, spelling, grammar, math and a course in good citizenship.

He said, "Then teach those things....and Bible...and let the rest go."

WHAT???

My mind immediately starting arguing why I HAD to teach _______________, and ___________, and _______________. It literally took me two days to wrap my head around just teaching what was required.

Why do we have to make everything so hard?

I told him all the reasons why I couldn't/shouldn't/wouldn't skip certain subjects. He told me I could do what I wanted, but if it were up to him, certain things would just be hit once a month or so. Teach them, but not daily.

Hmm. So I really had to think all this over. When it was time to make lesson plans, I sat down and made a list:

What I teach that's required: reading, spelling, grammar, math, good citizenship. 

What I teach that's extra: history, geography, writing, handwriting, typing, science, art, current events, Bible. 

Do you see an issue there? That doesn't even include the time we spend on music education (which I don't teach), physical therapy, vision therapy, and homemaking skills, etc.

How would a sane person think all of the above was possible, with two students, a one-year-old, a house to run, and a husband who works 2 jobs? I mean, why would I think I should have enough time in the day for all that?

Now remember...all those links I posted yesterday were still buzzing through my head. Especially the theme of children loving to learn and being able to learn what they are interested in and how it really doesn't all have to be about college prep.

What to do?

All the things I have studied and learned about homeschooling high school tell you to tailor your child's education to their interests and talents. If your son is very interested in a certain career, lean heavy on the math and science or whatever will be required of him for that job/degree. If your daughter wants to work with animals, get her into a program at the zoo or local vet.

The problem was, up until a few months ago, Sweetheart showed no special interest in anything. The question of what she wanted to be when she grew up was a big ol' question mark. But recently she has been writing a book. She talks about it all the time. She works on it any spare moment she has. She has her friends involved in it. And the thing is, she's still working on it! For months this has been going on.

Sweetheart, historically, has changed her mind as the wind blows. When she was 10 she begged me to decorate her room in pirates. She read about pirates, she played pirates, she drew pirates.

For 2 weeks.

I knew her well by that time. Well enough to know we would not be decorating her room in pirates. So this writing thing has pleasantly surprised me. She loves writing. She loves reading too. She's even told me she needs to learn to spell better so her writing will be easier. Wow.

So S and I talked about what a waste of time it was to spend time every single school day on science for her. She loves doing experiments. She hates slogging through the book and writing out answers on all the little flappy things I print out (a notebooking companion I bought). Come to think of it, Little Bit hates writing on those flappy things too. But she LOVES going outside to look at the stars. (She's studying astronomy this year.)

Am I killing my children's interest in science by the way I'm teaching it?

Why yes. Yes I am.

If I'm really serious about having my children love learning, I need to change up the way I am doing a few things. 

It took me nearly a week to be able to say that. That notebooking companion I bought is GOOD. And it helps them retain! And I was so proud we're making it through that astronomy book on schedule. Look how much we've done! Look how much I've been able to check off! I think we're actually going to finish the book this year! They just need to stop their complaining. I know what's best for them. Sweetheart NEEDS to do this book because it's getting her ready for high school. It's only going to get harder/worse from here so she better get used to it. It's just what you have to do!!!

Says who?

That little voice has been getting louder. Who says we HAVE to do it this way? Every homeschooler I know uses this science curriculum in 7th or 8th grade. It's what you do. Really, Sweetheart should have done this book last year. Really, we're behind!

So this week we just left science off completely. Mama hasn't had enough time to process it all into a plan of action just yet. The wheels are still turning.

My next step was to find out what Sweetheart was interested in learning (besides writing). I'll share our conversation with you next time.

Raising Up Hackers (Part 2)

So I was feeling really overwhelmed and decided school was the main culprit. I remember our first year of homeschooling. Sweetheart was in 2nd grade. Little Bit was 3. We used ABeka curriculum and added in lapbooks and unit studies and we were still finished by lunchtime every day. My children had tons of time to play and explore. I remember watching with delight as Sweetheart figured out what things SHE liked doing....not just what had been cool in first grade among the popular kids. (Turns out she didn't really enjoy Littlest Pet Shop nearly so much when she didn't see other kids with 50+ pet shops playing at recess every day.) The point was, they had time to do things they wanted to do AND get school done.

Now granted we weren't involved in very much that first year. We did go to gym days and field trips and parties with our homeschool group. We still do that. But over the years we've added in piano lessons and choir and now Toddler Time at the Library for Baby Bee. So we run a bit more than we used to. That won't change any time soon.

And of course 8th grade and 4th grade are a bit meatier than 2nd grade and no grade. Obviously there is more school.

But why should my homeschooled children spend their whole day doing lessons just like public school kids? Where is our benefit? Sure, they can sit on the couch or lay in the floor instead of sitting in a desk.....but that doesn't seem like enough difference to me. Shoes or no shoes? Small potatoes.

So in the midst of my dissatisfaction, I saw this article someone posted on Facebook. What I took away from that article was, "Shoot. MY kids are unhappy in school. THEY have lost their zest for learning!" Some of the descriptions of the public school kids rang true about my own daughters. I didn't like that. 

Then, my husband clicked on this TED Talk. I'd seen it before, but as I sat across the room listening to it again, it only solidified what I was thinking.

Untraditional.
Time to hack their own education.
Time to explore what they are interested in.

These these were not true of our homeschool. They weren't happening.

WHY???

And THEN, I read this blog post. And now my wheels were really turning.

Everyone says it's OK for your kids to not go to college and I totally agree. I suspect a lot of homeschoolers agree with that. Yet, we really still feel that we owe it to our kids to educate them as though they ARE going to college. I mean, you're supposed to. We don't want to write off their fate in the 9th grade and have a child graduating who doesn't have a transcript that will help them in their future! What failures we would be!

Plus, so-and-so's kids are studying ______________ and _______________! Is it really asking too much for my kids to study ________________? I mean, that's not even 1/4 of what this friend's kids are doing! And on the field trip, that kid knew so much about _______________ and asked such intelligent questions and my kids were just standing there looking dumb! I have failed them! We haven't done enough! We haven't learned enough! Must. Add. More. Courses. Must. Hit. (fill in subject). More Often!!

****deep breath****

And that's pretty much how we got to where we were at the beginning of this month. We were doing every single thing we could possibly fit in. And still I was lashing myself for not having Sweetheart spend time on that vocabulary app I downloaded. Because her vocabulary needs work. I know because she took a standardized test last spring. How can I fit vocabulary in? I know! I can have her do it while she's in the bathroom!!! Otherwise that's just wasted time!

OK I'm kidding. But that's how crazy we can get. Maybe it's just the pressure of being completely responsible for our children's education. Maybe I'm starting to crack.

But those three items started my wheels turning. And that started a conversation with my husband.

Next time....

Raising Up Hackers (Part 1)

(By the way, we made it through December.)
(That's what my last post was about and I was told I should update all my readers.)
(So there.)
(All 3 of you can consider yourself updated.)

I hit a wall this last week. I laid in bed Sunday morning completely overwhelmed. Like, to the point where I just laid there and looked at the ceiling. It's all I could do.

I was so overwhelmed by everything I really couldn't even think what to do. What would help?

Would it help if we weren't so busy? Well, not really. Our schedule is do-able.
Would it help if we had a maid? Well, of course it would...but that's not exactly in the budget.
Would it help if I had a mother's helper? Well, yes...but what would I even have her do?

I decided what I needed was a nice, older woman like Michelle Duggar had that comes over to do my laundry. And my dishes. Where are my Titus 2 older women???

Then I decided it was school that was killing me. It's simply taking too many hours lately. My whole day is filled with that.

You know, pioneer women might have taught their children to read, but I know they spent precious little time on that compared to daily chores.

Housewives in the 1950s spent their time on the house. But their children were in school.

Working moms have to do a lot (it's hard, I know), but their houses look better because everyone is gone all day long.

Homeschoolers are the only idiots trying to completely educate their children and completely keep house at the same time. And about a million other things.

It's just not possible, I tell you. Not when we're doing school pretty much like the public school system.

It's time to think outside the box. I was OK with that in elementary. I had no need of school being exactly like the classroom when the girls were younger. I absolutely would take them to the museum and consider that checking off several subjects at once for the day.

But approaching high school has kind of got me freaked out. I thought, "It's go time. No more taking it easy. It's time to get real!"

Yes folks, as if we haven't been doing "real" school all along!

So I left the Christmas break with a renewed purpose. It was the second half of 8th grade and I had to get with it. High school is 6 months away! I haven't been practicing keeping records! I haven't been grading! We're all of us going to starve!!!

OK. Whew. I'm calmer now. Sorry.

So we launched January by getting up at 6 a.m. every morning. Sweetheart is doing physical therapy now but that was no matter. We had to get serious! And for about a week we got every single subject done. My checking-boxes-off self was very pleased.

And I was exhausted.

And the kids were unhappy.

And then I read or listened to three things.

...to be continued...

Repeat After Me: I Do Not Have Schoolwork. I Am the Mom.

Do you take on the stress of your child's work load too? If you are behind schedule or one certain subject is stacking up on you, is your child concerned about it or only you? If there is a big project due this week, like us, does the stress to complete it fall on you or them?

I'm kind of bad about this. Some mornings I remember to tell myself, "Hey! I've already been to 7th grade! This isn't my problem!" Other mornings I feel like I'm the student and I have a huge workload ahead of me that day!

Forgetting, of course, that it is my child who has the school work to complete. I am the mom. I have a house to keep and a baby to care for. I have to read to them, yes. And directly teach them at times.

But I am not the student!

I must remember this daily.

But the big projects are complete now and the presentations are today. It's voluntary, you know. We don't have to participate in our homeschool group's project fair. But we love it. The girls have done it nearly every year. Last year Mama said NO because Mama was very, very pregnant.

This is our first year to not do a science-related project. That would be because not a terrible lot of science has gone on this year. We are about half-way through our book, but not nearly as far as I'd like to be. There's still time.

I'm excited about their presentations today and I can't wait to share them with you afterward.

But first, I must go and be a MOM NOT a STUDENT.

Repeat to self.

P.S. Little Bit slept in her room last night sans marsupials. It was lovely. I rearranged her room and we turned all the wooden cubes that her dollhouse sit on towards the wall so there are no more openings for possums to cuddle up in. I dreamed about possums last night.

So When They Ask Me, I'll Remember

**Thanks, everyone, for the comments on my last post!

I've asked several older women about their younger years as a mom. I've asked them "how did you manage when your kids were little?" and questions like that.

They have all given me similar answers:

I have no idea.
Those years were a blur.
I honestly don't remember.

Well. I want to remember how I handled life and what we were doing when I had 3 at home. So today I thought I'd track our day. It was work. But now I've got it for posterity's sake. Can't say this is a "typical" day...but it was a day.

7:30  Wake up. I usually wake up at 6:45, but S got up early and it threw me off. Oh well. Lay in bed and check e-mail, Facebook, etc. Rather, lay in bed and squint at screen because I don't have my glasses.

7:45 get up and feed Baby Bee in the recliner.

8:00 get the roast going in the crock pot, make breakfast (canned biscuits, oatmeal, and green smoothies). What is that smell? Take out trash in kitchen. Oh. Its actually the burnt sweet potato that dripped in the oven yesterday. Nothing like sweet potato biscuits. Put stamps on bills and mail them.

--girls are dressing Bee during all this.

8:30 Sweetheart out of shower and getting dressed. Little Bit playing. Bee is in high chair. Oatmeal is cooling. Biscuits are baking.

Eat breakfast. Have pep talk with girls about Dad's declaration that the weekends are for FUN and the house shall be clean by Friday evening with groceries bought and errands run. Discuss picking things up as we go and how little things add up. Girls leave table immaculately clean.

8:50 My turn in the shower. Sweetheart finishing breakfast and taking care of baby. One of the perks of having olders and baby at same time.

9:10 I'm out and dressed. Bee is ready to nurse. Little Bit is playing school with her dolls. Wants preschool workbook. I remember preschool computer games. Find CD and direct girls how to install it while nursing. It works. Can't believe it--it's from 2002.

9:30 Start school.

10:25 Bee falls asleep in my lap during reading.

10:35 Sent Little Bit for play break while I work on reading questions with Sweetheart. She does not remember what she read. I send her teary-eyed back to re-read. Note to self: girls need to go to bed earlier tonight.

11:10 Bee wakes up. Time for math--both girls at once. Otherwise known as suicide.

12:15 Sweetheart is half done with math. Little Bit all done. Play break for all!
Bee plays in her bed while I clean out her drawers. I notice Sweetheart never made her bed which was huge part of our pep talk at breakfast. Sigh.

12:35 Lunch. Leftovers from restaurant for Little Bit, leftover hot dogs for Sweetheart and me, sweet potato and applesauce for Bee. Work on trying to get Bee to use her left hand to pick up cereal. Girls are cheering for right hand. Suckers.

1:10 It stopped raining. Outside to ride bikes because Mama has been thinking Sweetheart needs more exercise.

1:20 Down to Grandpa's house to see if he can raise Little Bit's seat and handlebars. He does, after much searching for the right sized Allen wrench which we find in S's toolbox. Now she can keep this bike a while longer.

Girls ride through rain puddles and get very wet. Bee is at Grandma's playing with her in the floor.

1:45 Back inside for more school. Time for Bee's nap. First, girls must change wet clothes.

2:15 Finish feeding Bee and lay her down in her bed.

2:40 Finish reading and history with Little Bit. Sweetheart finishes piano.

Switch laundry.

2:45 Spelling with Little Bit. Sweetheart working independently.

2:50 Done with school for Little Bit and she is in tears and doesn't know why. Remind self children need to go to bed early tonight. Baby still sleeping. Sweetheart still working. I clean part of kitchen.

3:00 Decide to get read-aloud done while Bee is sleeping.

3:55 Finish reading (we are behind so we read a long time). Finish kitchen. Sweetheart finishes school.

4:05 Bee wakes up. Little Bit practices piano. Sweetheart still finishing school. We didn't finish all the subjects but we seem to have run out of day. Oh well. Tomorrow.

4:20 Bee is finished eating (again). Clean off our bed of all the stacks I made while cleaning Bee's drawers. Finish drawers.

4:30 Girls have abandoned baby to go play. Hear her fuss because she is alone in room. Go sit and play with her.

4:45 Go check on neighbor who is 80, a widow, and has an infected tooth. I worry when I don't see her car move for a day or so. She invites us in. It's a marvelous, breakable, fancy Christmas wonderland in her house. My children are in awe. Little Bit is scared of the dogs though and shakes for several minutes even after neighbor puts them out.

5:05 Home to pick up living room. Contact senator about UN treaty.

5:20 Sister is here. She eats with us every Monday night. She plays with Bee while I peel potatoes for dinner.

And that's it. S got home at 6:20 and we all ate and well...you know how the evenings are. The girls didn't get into bed particularly early, but hopefully they will sleep well and be less teary tomorrow.

Also I think I've figured out why the housework doesn't get done.

And why it can all turn into a blur if we don't slow down and enjoy it.

In November...

We are getting ready for Little Bit's 9th birthday this week! I can't believe she's going to be 9! We're just having a family party this year as she has had big friend parties for 2 years now. Family, and hopefully a trip to somewhere she has been waiting and waiting to go!

We are also trying to make plans for Thanksgiving. S and I LOVE Thanksgiving. It's the least stressful of all the holidays. You just go somewhere (or stay home) and EAT. Easy and simple! But our extended family never seems to know what they are going to do until right before. Trying to be proactive this year and make a plan.

My Dad has begun his chemo again. This time he's in a medical trial and recieving both a shot and a pill. The only real side effect so far has been some pretty bad mouth sores. I've made applesauce and pinto beans for him. They are better now and I'm thankful he feels so good still.

Other than that stuff, we just plug along each day doing school. We never get everything done, but we get a lot done each day. At some point in the day I just call it. "We're done!" You can only work so much.

Especially with all the help we get.

This precious little girl is such a joy. She learned to sit up last week. Just. Like. That. In one day. The other girls worked for weeks to learn that. She just up and did it.

She is such a distraction and everything she does is cute. In speaking of the recent (at the time, upcoming) elections, we had to discuss abortion at our house. Yes, my kids are sheltered. I told them, very basically and without a lot of detail, what abortion meant. They were horrified. Horrified! Little Bit marched right over to where Baby Bee was sitting and hugged her. "How could someone do that to a little baby?" She was indignant. I told them I didn't know....I had wanted all of them so badly I could hardly stand it. Later Little Bit asked, "But Mommy, what if the baby is born cute?" Exactly. How do you explain the sin in this world that allows abortion to be normal.

 

Thankful for my blessings. Even if I am 41 and tired most of the time.

 



The Strategy Was a Success

Well, today was the day I was determined to be ultra-productive!

And, if you remember, I had a little strategy planned to get a certain child moving in the mornings.

I'm sharing this not to shame my daughter, but to offer encouragement to any other mamas who might have a child like mine. The kind where organization is an issue. The kind who need training. I get her. I AM her. It was a mystery to me how my sister kept her half of the room so clean and mine always looked like a bomb went off. A real mystery.

Our brains just don't work the same way as other people's brains do. But that isn't an excuse! It's just a reason. I firmly believe that I can train my daughter and help her to figure out more organized ways of being before she leaves this home. I don't want her to struggle with this her whole life.

And I might feel guilty and like I'm a real parenting failure....except I also gave birth to S's mini-me. Our other daughter keeps her room practically perfect with no prompting. She will never need to be  taught how to be organized--she was born that way.

But for us more creative types--organization can be a mystery. And I? I have unlocked the keys to the universe for my daughter.

I sat up last night and typed up a little sheet with 2 columns:

Place & Activity

I listed, for example, "BATHROOM" and then in the 2nd column, all the things that one should get done while in the bathroom including "take your dirty clothes and wet towels with you when you leave." Then, I listed all the things one should accomplish in their bedroom BEFORE they come to breakfast.

After her shower, I looked into the bathroom and saw this: (cue angels singing)

No puddles of water on the floor. No dirty clothes or towel. No stuff all over the cabinet. Shower curtain closed. Shampoo bottles not laying in the middle of the floor. (Seriously.) That bathroom was left company-ready!!!

And when she came be-bopping to the breakfast table, dressed, hair fixed....I peeked into her room:

Bed made. NOTHING on the floor. Desk ready for school. Oh my word y'all!

Here is the most amazing part: That girl was ready in about 30 minutes and we started school at 9:00am. There was no back-tracking. She did everything that needed to be done in one area before moving on to another area. She was so proud too. I know I always felt relieved when someone helped me be organized. I felt lost on how to get started until someone showed me. I get her.

I don't know if it was a one-hit wonder or the start of something grand, but that little list made a WORLD of difference at our house today.

Just a little help ordering her motions was all she needed. A little logical thinking that would have never occurred to her on it's own.

Thankful and happy tonight!

Tomorrow I'll share about how our plan to be super productive panned out...

New Week = New Strategy

I have such cute pictures to share with you. I just have to go into the other room and get the cord, attach my phone to the computer and load them. Then, I have to insert them into the post. I guess you can tell I'm willing to type all they out more than I'm willing to DO it.

Tomorrow is the start of a new week! Even though it should be week 4 of school, it'll be week 3. We lost a few days in there somewhere. But I'm glad we are starting fresh at the beginning of a new week. We don't have very many places to go this week, so I'm looking forward to being really, really productive!

One certain child of mine is usually the first one up and always the last one ready to start the day. Why? Because she wastes motion. She showers and then leaves the bathroom to go get dressed. Then later she has to go back to the bathroom and wash her face. Then, after breakfast, she has to brush her teeth.

Folks, our home is only 1500 something square feet, but she's walking MILES every day! So I'm going to start working with her on doing things in a more logical order. This is not something you have to teach every kid, but this one? Yes. Back when they had checklists for their "morning chores" or "morning routine", I did this for her. She just needs a little reminding is all.

Also, I'm hoping to spend significantly less time looking for things this week. Do you want to know where we finally found her reading book? UNDER the rug in her room. How does one even DO that?

I'm looking forward to a fresh start, lots of good school work completed (who cares in what order) and lots of time spent with my girls every day. I love my family so much and am so thankful to be here with them. What a blessing!

Tentative Title for Next Post: Reality Hits

The Myth of Independence

I recently turned down an invitation for a birthday party and sleepover for Sweetheart. It was for one of her oldest friends, but a friend we don't see very often anymore. I guess that's mostly because this friend goes to public school and everyone just gets so busy.

After I said she couldn't go, I felt bad. I have to tell Sweetheart today that she was invited but isn't going. I have to explain why---well, I don't HAVE to, but I will. How do you explain to a 12 year old all the complex reasons that her Dad and I understand, but she likely will not?

It hurts to do things differently than others. I know so many children Sweetheart's age who go and do tons of stuff apart from their family. It seems in other families that by this age, really...she "should be" more independent.

But we are a family. We are her parents. WE are responsible for her. WE are called to teach, protect, and raise her. I know that doesn't mean she can't ever leave our presence! But it does mean we must use wisdom in who we let her spend time with, where we let her go, and how much we let her be away from the rest of her family.

My beautiful Bee--photographed by H-Mama. 

The problem is, I don't buy this whole "independence thing."

I first ran across this when Sweetheart was 8 (our first year of homeschooling) and she was in a homeschool Girl Scout troop. Overall it was a good experience. But then I found out that the end of year camping trip was one which parents were most assuredly NOT invited. I wasn't comfortable letting my 8 year old go an hour or 2 away from home with only a few adults who I didn't know all that well in charge. So I volunteered mid-year to be a leader. It was a pain in the neck, but it allowed me to go on the camping trip with them. The camping trip where 20-30 little girls slept in a cabin all by themselves in 30 degree weather. (And the older girls were in cabins by themselves too.) The adults all slept in a separate cabin.

That was all fine, but it was the explanation I received from one of the leaders that concerned me. 

"Parents aren't allowed to go camping with them because our goal is for them to learn 

to be independent of their parents." 

Hmm. See? That's wasn't one of our parenting goals. Don't get me wrong--I understand that one day our daughters will grow up and move out. They may get married. They will not live with us forever. I know this. But is independence the goal? 

Little Bit and Sweetheart enjoying the water.

A friend posted on Facebook the other day about her baby still waking up several times a night. Of course everyone was telling her in the comments to let the child cry it out. One of her friends said, "It's the first step to teaching them independence." Really? A 9 month old baby needs to start learning independence? 

Even if you think a baby doesn't need to learn it, most people think at some point a child needs to. I know many people think that a girl needs to be on her own a few years before settling down. She needs to go to college. Get her own apartment. Have a career. Go on trips. I don't know what they think. But I would be perfectly happy for my girls to go straight from our house to their husband's home. I went to college. I had an apartment. It was kind of lonely. I felt unprotected, honestly. I was homesick. 

Now this isn't to say that we will have our thumb on them until they walk down the aisle. A child can remain living in their parents' home AND have a job, go to college, etc. They can live as a young adult in our home, and still be a part of this family. I have visions of Sweetheart attending college, and then also helping with the dishes after supper. Not because she'll get grounded if she doesn't (!) but because helping with the dishes is something you DO when you are part of a family. 

And then when/if our daughters get married, they will be a part of a new family with their husbands. They will be a part of a church family. I don't see a whole lot of "independence" in the life of a Christian. We have fellowship with one another. We are called to be part of a family. 

Does this mean it is wrong for a child to move out on their own? Well, I think the answer might be different for boys and girls. Call me sexist, it's what I think. But no, I do not believe it is wrong for a girl to move out of her parent's home. I just feel it isn't all that necessary most of the time and certainly not imperative. 

So the question is, how to raise daughters who do not grow up believing their rights are being violated. How to keep their hearts from rebellion. How to keep them from feeling hurt/left out by our decisions that go against what we see around us. It's much easier when you have like-minded families around. I have several friends who I know would have turned down this same birthday invitation had it been for their daughter. I don't feel crazy--I'm just worried about how our girls will feel the more our path seems to deviate from the norm. 

The thing is...this birthday could just as easily be celebrated with families. That's how I hope for my girls' parties to be--families coming together to celebrate. Isn't that how it would have been done a really long time ago? When did things change? When did 12 year old girls start being independent from their families? Is that healthy?

Your thoughts?

Keepers of the Home

Not really sure where I first heard about the Keepers of the Faith clubs, but I'm sure it was from blogs. A good friend was also aware of them, having some real life friends in another state who had participated in them. This last fall we decided to start a club for our (collective) 6 girls.

The boys' club is called "Contenders of the Faith" and the girls' club is called "Keepers at Home." The different thing about these clubs is they are parent-run. There is no national or local organization over you. They are completely autonomous. Very appealing to me! You know we did homeschool Girl Scouts for one year. Shudder. And thought seriously about doing American Heritage Girls. While I was a fan of the IDEA of AHG, we weren't a fan of sending our 4th grader (at the time) off on multiple camping trips away from us. Families, just like in GS, were not invited and I have a problem with that.

We kicked our club off in October. There are SO many badges the girls can earn. And that was Sweetheart's favorite part of GS--earning those badges! The great thing about Keepers is that it is for girls ages 4-18. So everyone can participate together. We decided since our families were going camping anyway, we might as well have the girls earn their camping badges.

We had them meet the requirements (setting up a tent, planning meals, helping pack, unpack, and clean up camp) and they were having so much fun it didn't even seem like work. (the 6th child was only 1 1/2 on this trip so she isn't an "official" club member. But try telling her that!)

From there, the other mom and I just got together periodically and planned badges that the girls could meet requirements for quickly. I'm pregnant and we didn't have a lot of time to plan before we started so we were all about getting them some easy badges this year! We found a few they had already met requirements for (hers, because they participate in a music co-op and ours for pet care) and presented all their earned badges in December at a special ceremony.

We mostly worked on crafty-type badges this year (plastic canvas, rubber stamping, etc.) but there are SO MANY other kinds of badges I want to explore next year. There are personal goal badges like organization, Bible study badges, skills (first aid, etc.)...all kinds of things!

We ordered the sashes this year and presented them with their year end badges last week at a restaurant. It was really neat to have the Dads there to pray over them and affirm how hard they have worked on learning skills that will help them as wives and mothers.

I'm excited about next year with this club. We will most likely have some new members. We will definitely be better planned. We did a good job this year, but we learned a lot along the way. These clubs have so much potential and you can just take them in any direction you want to--focusing on what is most needed for your children and family.

Here is the website if you are interested!