Friday, March 26, 2010

Helping Our Husbands With Work

Before I start in on today's topic I just wanted to give you an update on my pajama situation. I finally got a chance to ask S about my pajamas and to my surprise, he said my pajama pants were fine. He just would rather me wear a tank top than an old t-shirt. OK, that makes sense. My friend told me where they sell lots of cute tank tops (not just undershirt-looking ones). Also, JulieMom is planning to put up a tutorial on sewing pajama pants. If it looks easy enough, I might try it. She's going to sew some for her and her girls out of feminine fabrics. I think that would make a difference. Nice, new feminine print pajama pants and a matching tank top. Sounds like a plan to me!

Now. My husband works a lot. If you read this blog there's a good chance your husband works a lot too. I just happen to know that a lot of my blog readers (well, the ones I KNOW OF anyway---ahem lurkers) stay at home or homeschool or are trying to make it on one income. That naturally means that your husband works hard. If you also work outside the home, this is even harder for you. But I still think it's important and biblical.

The Bible says that Eve was created to be a helper for Adam. I believe that when I married S, I became his most important helper. And, this is the hard part, me helping him is more important than him helping me. See, when I was a full-time working mom with a little one I was angry inside. I remember kneeling beside the bathtub bathing Sweetheart, after fixing supper, still looking forward to stacks of papers that needed to be graded, and a house that needed to be cleaned, counting how many times I had bathed her since she was born. What I was doing was making a mental list of how many times he had NOT bathed her. In my mind, I deserved a husband who helped out more since I was so busy all the time. Heaven forbid one of my friends or co-workers should mention some thing that their husband always did for them!

I'm wiser now. I read Debi Pearl's book Created to Be His Helpmeet about 4 or 5 years ago and it REALLY changed me. It changed our marriage. I know some will say that book is controversial but I'm here to tell you that it blessed us tremendously. No one had ever opened up scripture and just flat out explained to me what it said about being a wife.

So, now that I had a proper perspective and knew that helping my husband pleased the Lord, and that my husband wasn't put on earth to help me, it got easier.

This weekend my husband will be working both of his jobs. I can't actually go to work with him (and would be precious little help if I did) but there are things I can do to help him this weekend:

1. Make sure he comes home to a clean house.
2. Have meals ready and be flexible if he doesn't want to take time to sit down and eat. (pack it up for him, etc.)
3. Have the clothes he needs washed and ready to go.
4. Go shopping with him for supplies he needs for a job.
5. Take care of things around the house that he won't have time to attend to.
6. Show and teach my girls a grateful attitude for Daddy's hard work (instead of teaching them to pout because we are alone "No. We can't go do fun things because Daddy has to work.")

I'm sure there are others. Just knowing that things are taken care of here, and that I'm a phone call away if he needs me to do anything for him (I'm willing, and able since I'm not busy with my own job now) is a great help. He can relax and focus on his job knowing that he has an awesome helper at home.

I might have added in the adjective there. But I'm SURE he's thinking it.

How do you help your husband?


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  2. My list practically mirrors yours, except I would add one item:

    My husband's job requires lots of paperwork (electronic reports, actually). He has to send lots of emails, too. My job? Double check them for spelling, but usually to edit and ensure that he is saying what needs to be said in as thorough yet succinct a way as possible.

    He seems to think I'm good at that. Of course, my blogging stint has often left me wondering if his faith is misplaced. He's satisfied with my work, though, so that's enough for me.

  3. Yes, I am an editor too! Andn sometimes I'm the typist as well. :)

  4. You make some great points Brenda. I have done the sitting by the bath tub thing many times. I'm trying to be better about that:)

  5. I agree. I have lots of friends who tell me their husband is in charge of the laundry or their husband always does the dishes. I can remember once when the kids were younger getting into an argument with him about him not helping. I yelled and screamed. it wasnt pretty.

    The next morning I woke up to a clean sink and felt I had won.

    I did not win. I lost big time. Not that my husband ever said anything, in fact he did not ever say a thing to me. But God did. He spoke to me in a quiet time that I barely managed to eek out in those days!

    Dishes, laundry is not his job. He is the leader of the home, the breadwinner, the hunter! I am the homemaker!

    yes it is a blessing if my hubbie ever does help out which he does on the extreme occasion. I every once in a while I might ask him to do a specific thing. But pretty much I have stopped asking!

    Also I have stopped reminding him of how much "work" I did.

    I am thankful that he goes to work everyday and we are blessed and choose to afford for me to stay home. We do not have new cars but we have more than enough and we are truly blessed! Especially when I am wise with the money I do have!

    great post!!!

  6. In addition to all the things you listed , I pray daily for my husband which I believe is the 'silent helper'.
    He has many physical ailments that go beyond 'just getting old' that it is amazing to me that he is even able to work sometimes and not on disability.
    Every morning I pray for him and many times during the day he will call me at home and ask me to pray for him either in regards to a customer situation or his physical limitations.
    I am also his nurse per se, in regards to keeping up with medications he must take daily and aliments.

  7. I'm reminded of an awesome book I listened to from a couple of years ago -- the "1938 Good Housekeeping Marriage Book". It completely opened my eyes to how important a wife's support is in her husband's career. And with the new job my husband recently took, I'm proud to say that the offer received was much higher than it would have been thanks to some research I did. I'm really looking forward to helping him network once we start the new position by hosting get-togethers. It is truly a blessing that my husband also recognizes that his career is a joint venture on our part! :)

  8. I am bummed, I looked for that book on librivox and it doesnt show up anymore! Never mind just leave off the 1938 and it comes up...

  9. My husband is currently dealing with major issues at work, necessitating working extra hours during the week and weekends. Of course, I had the nerve to ask him for extra help with the kids last night. Sometimes, I am full of tact. Ugh.

    Anyway, I thank you for the good reminder this morning. I am a helper to him, and will pleasantly strive to being his help meet.

  10. How can "Created to Be His Helpmeet" which should be titled "Created to Be his Doormat" be of any use to anybody for anything except fire kindling. I am shocked this abuse manual is even legal.

  11. LOVED Created to be His Helpmeet too! I know that it's controversial, as well, but it really changed our relationship (by that I mean ME). Good stuff that I needed to hear at just the right time in our lives. I remember keeping count of all his wrongs too. And I completely agree with helping them in any way we can. We SO are alike on this. And I like the tank top solution, hmm!

  12. Mrs. W, I KNEW when I was typing this what you would think. You did not disappoint. That's OK, you use yours for fire kindling. I'm keeping mine.

  13. I think "Created to be His Helpmeet" is a great book and I loved it as well. I think it is a great book for helping women to become the proper giver and caretaker rather than someone who is only interested in getting as much as they can from others. It benefited our relationship greatly. I also enjoyed the "10 Commandments in Marriage" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger.

  14. Megan I never even heard of librivox. How cool! Thanks for that link!

  15. Wow Branda, thanks, once again, for this post! I never leave your blog without being challenged in some way, and I am so grateful! I'm going to look for that Helpmeet book and read it for sure! My husband and I have been married for 6 years, and about 3 years ago we moved to CA and decided that I would be a stay at home mama. I had previously held a position at a hospital and was really, please pardon the saying:), 'moving up'.

    After being challenged by Doug Phillips (not sure if you are familiar with him, and if you aren't, definitely check him out!) we decided that it wasn't my place to work and it sure wasn't anyone else's job but ours to raise and educate our children.

    Since then we've had 2 more kiddos and I am so blessed to be able to stay with them all day long!

    I don't know why I'm going into my story with you, but I did:) I've been really learning a lot about what exactly a help meet is, and how I can further my husband's vision while at home. Your list really is a big help....because my husband does work hard, long hours, and he should have a peaceful mind knowing that all's well on the homefront! Thanks again for refreshing this for me, I appreciate it so much!!!! God bless yous this weekend!

  16. I, too, liked the book Created to Be His Helpmeet. It challenged me in many areas and revealed even more selfishness than I already knew about myself!

    Mrs W keeps trying to pick fights Brenda, and you're very gracious not to take her up on them. Kudos for that!!

    And the tutorial just got posted by the way. WHEW! Those are a LOT more work than I thought!

  17. I toddled on over here from Terry's place this morning! I just wanted to chime in here and say that- as a single mom- there is very little that gives me more pleasure than hearing women build up and edify their wonderful husbands. Seeing evidence of healthy, strong and happy marriages is so encouraging, even to those of us who are alone♥ Thanks so much for sharing...


I don't get to talk to a lot of actual grown-ups during the day, so your comments make me really happy! :)