By the way, I did graduate from high school. That's not the kind of dropping out I'm really thinking about today. I am ready to drop out of activities that have been planned for me.
Let me explain. Tonight we have an event at church. It will be fun. The kids will really enjoy it. A lot of people have worked really hard to make it come together. And do I want to go? No.
Why? I'm tired. I've been involved with so much for so long that I just am having trouble caring. No, I still care. So that's not exactly what I mean. Let me explain another way. We had a ministry meeting at church last week. I told my husband we should go. He did not agree that we NEEDED to go, but said I was welcome to go if I wanted to. But the girls were sick and we really did need to just come home after church and rest. We had other things to do that day. But I felt guilty. Guilty, because this was a ministry I worked hard in just a few years ago. How do I just not go? What if I don't go and the conversation turns to things I don't agree with and I'm not there to put in my 2 cents worth? What if I don't go and then I'm out of the loop for the next few months? What if I don't go and people talk about me behind my back because I "didn't care enough to show up"? All these thoughts! They are just panic from doing something I'm not used to--NOT GOING.
All my life I've been there. Whatever it was going on, we were there and we were 20 minutes early to boot. My dad was an Elder. My mom was the church secretary. My parents were coordinators of the preschool department when I was little. We. Were. Always. There. Then I got married and we are still always there. That's OK. I love church. I love our church. It's our family. We work with the youth group. Our girls have friends there. Our friends are there. We want to work for the Lord. This really isn't about church.
It's about my family. I have a wonderful husband and 2 little girls. We have a home. I like our home. I like when we are all together. I'm tired of running. Tired of signing up to volunteer. Tired of bringing food to events. Tired of...events.
I want our family to decide for ourselves what we want to do each week. Folks, I have tasted the freedom of homeschooling and I WANT MORE! :) Well, maybe it's just my mood today. Some would say it is selfish, this wanting to just spend time with my family. But I say, this is me learning to say "no" to outside commitments...and learning that is very good.
My husband has been a huge encouragement to me. He's the one who told me it was OK to not teach Bible class. To not volunteer in the nursery. To not sign up for this committee or that function. I was not so sure. How would it get done? Who would do it, if not me?
Guess what? It got done. Someone else took a turn. And it was OK. Really, it was. Besides, he told me he really needed my help in the youth ministry. Hey, isn't that my job anyway, to be his helper? So now I help him. And we work as a team. That, along with taking care of my family and home, is plenty to do.
There is a reason why God put husbands in charge of the family. I'm glad I've finally learned to listen to mine. Because I am "dropping out" of all the things I used to be involved in...I hope I will be a greater blessing to my husband.
A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones. (Proverbs 12:4)