Doubts and Reassurance

All this went through my brain in one day--today! No wonder I'm tired.

First of all, I'm helping administer a standardized test for our homeschool group this week. I'm giving the test to some 1st graders. I have 3 of them, all boys. Actually one of them is officially in Kindergarten but his mom decided to give him the first grade test.

Well. (Here is where I remind you that Little Bit is in first grade as well. She is not testing.)

During the first break, one little boy whipped out a pretty thick chapter book to read. Then the Kindergarten kid broke out a Harry Potter book. Um. Really?

'Cause MY first grader can't........(you see where this is going right?) Oh dear the anxiety. I didn't freak out, but I was supremely glad she was not in that room.

We'll get back to that in a minute.

The other thing that happened is I've been all whiny and upset about NOT being done with school when we normally are. I KNEW this was going to be a concern when I chose to follow the Sabbath Schedule. I KNEW I would need reminding of the fact that we have taken 6-7 weeks off during the year so it is OK that we are not done yet.

It's really hard when all around you hear, "we only have 12 more days" or "nine more days" or whatever number of days. Everyone is counting down to the end and we have five more weeks. I am not used to this. It is my first year to not follow the normal schedule.

Remember that.

So here was my conclusion on these matters at the end of the day.

1. I realized that the Tourette's actually has affected our school progress. It isn't the only thing, but I started adding up all the times she has had to take a break, or go lay down. All the minutes spent crying and complaining about the tics. All the adjustments to the schedule I've made because she was having a bad day, how hard it is for her to concentrate sometimes.....it has affected her learning. Stupid tics.
2. What we were doing for reading just wasn't clicking along. So last week we started a whole new approach. It's too soon to see results, but I feel confident in our direction. So she isn't reading anything but emergent readers? Check back with me in a few months. Soon. Everyone walks at different times. Everyone reads at different times. In a few years, you won't be able to tell who learned first. I've said these words to parents 100 times. Today I'm listening to myself.
3. Her tics have been so much less in the last 3 days it's not even funny. So today during school when she complained and couldn't do it and her tics were bad...I let her go lay down. Not to play, mind you. Lay down or do school. She chose resting. But when that was over, she was fine and dandy.
So I decided we've gotten into some bad routines lately. A few weeks ago, she honestly couldn't make it through school. Not so today. After supper I had her come finish her work, which caused her to miss playing with her sister, which resulted in many tears. I said, "Maybe tomorrow you'll do your school work when it is school time." I think our really rough time with the Tourette's is coming to an end (for now) so it's time for Mommy to crack the whip.

And that is what I concluded about that.

The other? It was solved when I was peeling potatoes tonight and realized/remembered that in a few weeks every public place will be crowded and filled with all the public school kids who will soon be set free. And that I won't WANT to go anywhere. So we may as well still be doing school, huh? I realized that here at home with my family is where I'm happy and that we don't have to have the same schedule as anyone else. So no more stressing/feeling rushed about ending this year.
My cousin said it best on Facebook today (where I was whining):

Your pace, your space, no race.

I like it. And that is the story about how I both freaked out and talked myself down about 2 different things today.

The End.