Does anyone else do this? I know the Bible says not to worry, and I try really hard to not. But sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and absolutely every single thing I've been concerned about comes to the front of my brain and they all seem like completely insurmountable problems at 2:00am.
For example, last night I woke up and worried about money. We blew through some cash this weekend on various things (almost all of it necessary) and for some reason I started tallying up the amount we had spent and freaking out. FOR SURE we were out of money and would have NO MONEY to pay our bills in the morning. I very nearly got up to balance the checkbook just to assure myself but that seemed silly. I really did want to sleep.
This morning, of course, it wasn't nearly as bad as it had seemed in the night. The bills are paid.
I worried about other things in the night. The Tourette's around here is bad right now (the worst its ever been) and it is stressful. I thought about getting up to research more but again, I wanted sleep. Little Bit was sleeping on a mattress in our room last night and every time she moved she banged into our world's loudest drawer pulls. That wasn't really helping the sleep.
I can't even remember all the things I was keyed up about last night but none of it seemed important this morning at 7:00. Why? Why do I do this? I feel totally wide awake but I must not be in my right mind because otherwise things wouldn't seem like such big problems. I almost need someone to shake me and say, "What are you doing? Go to sleep!"
I bet I ground my teeth down several centimeters last night. Hate that.
All that wasted worrying when today I have actually accomplished a lot! I don't have to cook supper tonight as we are celebrating my husband's and dad's birthdays tonight. That gives me like, an extra hour and a half to my day!
So, does anyone else wake up freaking out sometimes? And yes, I prayed. A lot. And I did fall back asleep. Several times. Sigh. I decided after S left for work the best move I could possibly make was to go back to bed.
It's like that Robert Frost poem:
Two choices stood before me in the morning
And I---I chose the one less vertical.
And that has made all the difference.