Sunday, May 18, 2008

Keepin' It Real: My Stupid New Mom Moments

Welcome to the 2nd Keepin' It Real Extravaganza here at The Family Revised! Hopefully a lot of us have stupid new mom moments to share with each other. Remember, the point of these extravaganzas is to dispel the myth that we are all perfect, no matter what image we may accidentally project on our blogs. Usually only the best stuff makes it on the other stuff will rear it's ugly head!


We started off in the hospital with our first stupid new parents move--just after Sweetheart was born. I'm giving S credit along with me for this one. Two heads are not always better than one--especially when the 2 heads are new parents who have lost sleep. So Sweetheart needed her diaper changed. S rose to the occasion and decided to take care of everything for me. The hospital did not provide baby wipes, but only small squares of gauze that you were supposed to get wet. So horrible! She was dressed in a white, long-sleeved shirt from the hospital and a pair of hospital white pants as well. During the changing of the terrible newborn dirty diaper, he accidentally got poop on the pants. There were extra shirts under her bassinet, but no pants. So, I called the nurses' station.

Nurse: May I help you?

Me: Yes, we got our baby's pants dirty and we don't have another pair.

Nurse: (pause) Pants?

Me: Yes. My husband accidentally got the pair of pants she was wearing dirty. May we have another pair?

Nurse: Um, we don't dress the babies in pants.

Me: Well, she was wearing pants when ya'll brought her to us!

Nurse: Oh. Um. Ma'am? That was just a shirt turned upside down.

Me: ohthankyouverymuch

After I relayed that information to S, he said, "Oh, so that's why there's this big hole in the crotch!"

Yes. We were some smooth operating parents. Totally ready to take a baby home and be solely responsible for her. (And on a side note, the nurse had to teach me to read a thermometer before we could be released. Yes, I was really prepared, wasn't I?)

My next stupid new mom moment happened a few weeks later. I was determined not to be one of these moms that hauls around a diaper bag the size of a Metro Geo. I decided before she was even born that people just carried far too much stuff around for their children. Give me a break! I got two diaper bags at the baby shower. One was a Metro Geo bag that I decided was SURELY for when you were taking a month long vacation with baby, and the other was cute and denim and no larger than a pretty good sized purse. The first Sunday we made our big debut at church as a family of three, I naturally opted for the cute denim one. I mean, church is only an hour and a half, right? I threw in 2 or 3 diapers, some wipes, a pacifier, a burp rag, and at the last minute it seemed prudent to add an extra outfit. Not thinking I would need it, I selected a plain, white onesie.

Well, you can see where this is going, right? We set Sweetheart down in her carrier car seat and stood for singing time. She looked SO adorable in a ruffly green dotted swiss dress, matching bloomers, ruffly socks, and a pair of soft satin shoes. We were late so no one had seen her yet. On the second song she turned into the exorcist of sorts and threw up what looked like a gallon of liquid onto her dress. NEVER in the history of all time have 2 parents have been so unprepared. S and I spent the next 30 minutes in the church nursery stripping and bathing our daughter with wipes (whoops! those are all gone) and then scratchy water-resistant paper towels. We air dried her and dressed her carefully in the white onesie. So that was her lovely introduction to our friends and family at church: barefoot and wearing a white onesie with not one whit of decoration on it.

I believe it was at that point I began packing up the entire nursery in the "Geo" bag for every single outing away from our home. Live and learn!

OK--your turn! Post your stupid new mom moment on your blog and then come back here and sign up on the Mr. Linky. Remember to link to your KIR post--not just your blog in general--so people won't have to search your archives to find the right post. If you aren't sure how to do that, just e-mail me! Also, if you don't have a blog, feel free to leave your moment in the comments section!

I can't wait to read everyone else's stupidity! :)


  1. Thanks for hosting KIR. This is therapy at its best! I love the second moment best of all. Do you know my favorite attire for newborns is white. Truly! You did well.

  2. Thanks for hosting! I love reading others' stories! I was tickled by your desire not to carry the big bag. I so get that! I am so glad that Addilyn is finally at an age where we can make do with something small!

  3. Oh, you poor woman. :0)

    So glad you shared, and so glad you let us share too! Happy I made it for this one. Aren't you glad those days are OVER???

  4. I laughed out loud at the shirt as pants part. Out loud. :)

    I am up. Although, my moments don't stop when I was done being a new mom. :)

  5. I don't have a blog so I'll share here:

    Our second daughter was born in Germany and was a minor celebrity from birth. We didn't quite make it INTO the hospital - she was delivered in the car. So, we already had a few strikes against us!(What kind of parents are these Americans who aren't already tucked into the hospital a good week before the due date like any reasonable German woman.)

    Now it was time for the first diaper change. I was lead down the hall into a tiny little room with a dressing table, a pile of cloth diapers and a few bottles - powder, oil, lotion, etc. The nurse asked if I could manage. Of course! This was my second baby!

    Well, let's just say things are done differently in Germany. First off, they dress the babies in layers and layers of clothing and cloth diapers wrapped around them like blankets. You just keep peeling and peeling and eventually you have a laundry basket full of fabric and a wee bitty baby left over!

    When I finally got down to authentic baby I discovered they didn't have wipes - just cotton balls - and no water in sight. Did you ever try to wipe meconium off with a cotton ball? Our poor baby looked like we tarred and feathered her. Cotton fluff was sticking to her all over her poor dirty bottom. Finally, after what seemed like forever, I called the nurse to ask for help. Amidst the piles of soiled cotton balls, splotchy baby, disgruntled mom, in limited German, I told her I couldn't get the baby clean.

    She looked at me as if I was a complete fool. Took a few cotton balls - GRAPPED A BOTTLE OF BABY OIL- (why didn't I think of that!) liberally coated the cotton and wiped baby clean. Then she swiftly diapered her and stood back.

    I picked up one of several shirts that were origionally on her and started to dress her. Then, looking at the huge amount of laundry origionally wrapped arounbd the poor bubby, I steped back and admitted defeat. I passed her to the nurse who wrapped, tucked, and stuffed my little one back into her sausage casings. Then she said something along the lines of..."Do you want to carry her back to your room...or do you need me to do it for you?"

    What an doctor could not understand why I insisted on going home that same day!

  6. Oh TAMMI! That is HILARIOUS!!! I can just see poor baby looking tarred and feathered! Cotton balls are way worse than those little gauze strips we had to use.

    Thanks for sharing. I bet they were talking about you for quite awhile at the German hospital!

  7. oh man, y'all have me LAUGHING!!!!!

    Sorry I'm so late, Brenda, but I posted it. It's only 11:41, so technically, I still got it in there in time!!!

    Warning: You might not want to read my blog entry while you're eating.

  8. Thanks for posting this meme. My kids were "helpful" enough to sugest they could easily add more "silly" mummy moments! Any ideas why I've decided to keep the computer close by me!
    "Seriously" its no wonder they say laughter is one of the best medicines!

  9. Oh, man, I've got plenty of moments like those! In fact, the church episode happened to us as well. Only ours was a diaper blowout -- ewww....

    I can't think of anything to top the shirt/pants mixup, though! too funny.

  10. How funny. I love the pants story!!!

  11. OK Leah--I got it working. I don't know what happened with that first one!?


I don't get to talk to a lot of actual grown-ups during the day, so your comments make me really happy! :)