Monday, April 9, 2012

I Want to Be an Encouragement...

...but I'm not feeling it.

The end of this pregnancy (and I suppose the end of any pregnancy) is hard. Oh I am not complaining--I feel very, very blessed to be pregnant and am excited about our new addition. But the third trimester, no matter how much you have longed for it, is not a day at the circus, you know?

I wish people could click over here and be all inspired in their walk with the Lord, to be better homemakers and mothers, to be excellent at homeschooling...

I'd like to be that person that encourages other women in their roles. But right now? I feel like the worst example in history. I need to read my Bible more. I feel kind of discouraged. My emotions are...well, hormonal, which makes me crabby and short-tempered and not feeling like a super Christian AT ALL. I don't always act on how I feel, but oh boy, inside I'm feeling it.

I'm tired. Insomnia has come back to visit and I'm sick sick sick of waking up in the middle of the night. Our house is too small for me to get up and do anything productive either without waking everyone up. Even the sound of this keyboard at 5:30am sounds like a thousand cattle stampeding through the house.

I feel behind on everything. I cannot tell you the last time my kitchen was all the way clean. I hate even walking in there because dirty dishes are always there to greet me. No matter how many paper plates I buy. There is always laundry, of course, and there are always messes. This is normal, real life but it feels overwhelming to this mama who just wants everything in order.

School is actually not going too badly. I mean, besides the subjects that we have just dropped for the remainder of the year, we are keeping up. That ambitious plan I made a few weeks ago is working out. We are all ready to be finished, of course. Don't know exactly when that will be and that's a bummer to not know.

I don't feel very encouraged that baby will come early. Goodness knows my other ones have not been early. But then, my other ones did not cause me to get up in the night during my 3rd trimester to puke. (I didn't. Whew! I HATE puking.) So maybe this one will be different and come a tad bit early? It would be fine with this mama. The sweet little baby movements that I have longed to feel again for so many years HURT now. Goodness. Someone remind me of that in a few years.

(Baby has hiccups. :) That part I like.)

Some good news: We have a name! And no, I'm not sharing it yet. Husband and I have our own little secret. We have not even shared this one with the girls. (It's not one of the 3 we were considering.)  Now if she's just a girl like we are planning on, we'll be OK. Also, I have a baby shower at church this week. Baby showers are fun and help you get ready for baby. Then later this week, I'll be going to the Just Between Friends sale. This is a really big consignment sale nearby with tons of baby stuff. Whatever I still need after the shower, hopefully I can pick up there.

We had a really fun and busy weekend, which I'll share pics of later. And today some sweet friends are taking the girls for a fun day so this mama can rest and get things done. Which are the opposite of each other but I'll figure out how that works later.

Anyway, here's hoping that in a few weeks or months or sometime in the future, you can come here again for encouragement. Wouldn't that be something?


  1. We can not pour out for others that which we ourselves do not have in abundance.

    You're running on low, and it's ok. It's just a season, a blessed season that will end soon with the added bonus of a blessing from the Lord.

    Yes, it's going to get harder before it gets easier, but what 'hard' has the Lord ever brought you to that he didn't carry you through?

    Be carried for a while . . . it's your turn! :)

    Praying for your endurance!

  2. we can't be on the mountaintop all of the time, right? less hormonal days are ahead, my friend. hiccups... oh so sweet. i miss those. ;) looking forward to hearing all about the name! (((hugs)))

  3. Embrace the journey, everything is but a season. *smile*
    btw...cracking up on the 'paper plate' comment. and to think I thought I was the only one who leaned on paper plates to calm some chaos! =)
    just keep on keeping on...being you!
    (no superwoman required)
    blessings, Sheri


I don't get to talk to a lot of actual grown-ups during the day, so your comments make me really happy! :)