OK. So. Well.
We aren't having a baby. Let me get you caught up. On Thursday of last week I started bleeding. You never want to see that, but I know it happens so I wasn't TOTALLY panicked...but almost. On Friday the doctor had me come in for blood work---which of course would not be ready until Tuesday since it was the long Memorial Day weekend.
I think you know what a great weekend we had.
I continued to bleed...continued to pray and yes, even worry. I think I ran through every single possible emotion during the weekend. Twice.
On Tuesday it took all day for the results to come in and they weren't great, but they still gave me some hope. Wednesday morning first thing we went in for an ultrasound and it revealed a blighted ovum. I understand some people have never heard of that. I actually had as it happened to my college roommate after she got married. So my body was pregnant....but no baby ever formed.
The doctor said that the inevitable miscarriage was still a long way off and I had a lot of pain and bleeding ahead of me. She suggested a d & c to avoid all of that, which wasn't a hard decision as there was no baby involved. I went in yesterday morning really early to the hospital and had my first ever surgery unless you include my ingrown toenail in college. I don't...because I sat up and drank a coke through that and this was a little different.
If it sounds like I am talking calmly about this, it's because I am. I have a had a great army of prayer warriors praying for us and I have felt it. I had already had such an emotional weekend that to hear WHAT was wrong and that there was NO baby.....actually brought relief. One friend said it best: we are mourning what we had imagined would be. And I would add: but at least we are not mourning the death of a child. That's better...it really is.
So, we are re-adjusting our plans and our dreams for the immediate future. Does God have a baby (which I have prayed for 2-3 years) in the future plans for our family? I don't know. But I do know I will continue to trust Him.
Oh, Brenda. I wondered where you were. I missed you so much. I'm so sorry. So, so sorry. I want to wrap my arms around you and hug you. You are such an amazing woman, wife, and mama. I want to stand at the gates and praise you. I love you.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for the grief you are experiencing now. I will pray that God will allow you to heal quickly and that he will bless you with another child.
ReplyDeleteI'm very much a lurker here, but I wanted to let you know I'm praying for you to have peace and comfort, and that God blesses you with a small person to cuddle soon.
ReplyDeleteStill praying for you, Brenda. And will pray with you for His perfect will for your life (which I do hope includes babay #3!) and that His perfect peace will envelop you and your precious family as you mourn what you had imagined would be.
ReplyDeleteStill praying, too.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Your faith is inspiring. :)
Still praying too and you know we love you all. : )
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. Your family is in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteI will pray for you as well. Prayers for healing, comfort and strength, and a new baby if that is God's will.
ReplyDeleteSuzanne pointed me your way this morning. I'm glad she did, your "About Me" could be our "About Us" I'm looking forward to reading through your archives, and finding encouragement.
Brenda,I know the lose is still real.I am so sorry!I will be praying for a quick recovery and that God would bless you with a little one very soon.I know how it feels to cry out for a much longed for little one.My husband and I waited nine years for are first child and have struggled with infertility through out our 23 years of marriage.We have suffered 3 miscarriages.We have also been very blessed with 5 healthy children when the doctors told us we would have none.GOD IS GOOD!I know he has great plans for you.
ReplyDeleteI am rambling SORRY I tend to do that when I so wish I could do something to help.
I am PRAYING.
LucyT
Still praying here too. You have some amazing faith Brenda. Love you my bloggy friend:)
ReplyDeleteI will so come in on that 2-3 year prayer with you, friend! The Lord does have a plan for your family and trusting in him is so wise. HUGS, I am so sad that this wasn't the time to grow your family. I understand everything you wrote.
ReplyDeletePraising God for His perfect faithfulness, and His answers to every prayer . . .
ReplyDeleteHugs for the dream deferred . . .
And maybe a little dark chocolate . . .
Oh, Brenda, I am so, so sorry to hear. I have been thinking of you and praying for you and was sad to read your update. Many hugs and much love - and I will continue to pray for you, of course. May His peace be with you and the family during this time!
ReplyDeleteI tried to comment yesterday but it was on the fritz. You know we're praying here. It's hard to deal with whether there was a baby or not. But God knows best, and it's such an encouragement to see you already know that. :0)
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine the roller coaster of emotions you must have gone through. Your calmness truly is a testament to the Prince of Peace! God Bless You!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss of a dream - but I rejoice in your faith and trust in God. My prayers are with you and your family. May God continue to bless you all and comfort you.
ReplyDelete