OK. So. Well.
We aren't having a baby. Let me get you caught up. On Thursday of last week I started bleeding. You never want to see that, but I know it happens so I wasn't TOTALLY panicked...but almost. On Friday the doctor had me come in for blood work---which of course would not be ready until Tuesday since it was the long Memorial Day weekend.
I think you know what a great weekend we had.
I continued to bleed...continued to pray and yes, even worry. I think I ran through every single possible emotion during the weekend. Twice.
On Tuesday it took all day for the results to come in and they weren't great, but they still gave me some hope. Wednesday morning first thing we went in for an ultrasound and it revealed a blighted ovum. I understand some people have never heard of that. I actually had as it happened to my college roommate after she got married. So my body was pregnant....but no baby ever formed.
The doctor said that the inevitable miscarriage was still a long way off and I had a lot of pain and bleeding ahead of me. She suggested a d & c to avoid all of that, which wasn't a hard decision as there was no baby involved. I went in yesterday morning really early to the hospital and had my first ever surgery unless you include my ingrown toenail in college. I don't...because I sat up and drank a coke through that and this was a little different.
If it sounds like I am talking calmly about this, it's because I am. I have a had a great army of prayer warriors praying for us and I have felt it. I had already had such an emotional weekend that to hear WHAT was wrong and that there was NO baby.....actually brought relief. One friend said it best: we are mourning what we had imagined would be. And I would add: but at least we are not mourning the death of a child. That's better...it really is.
So, we are re-adjusting our plans and our dreams for the immediate future. Does God have a baby (which I have prayed for 2-3 years) in the future plans for our family? I don't know. But I do know I will continue to trust Him.