I just love those disciples of Jesus. They were so lost sometimes. I can just see them standing there, hearing Jesus' teaching or watching his actions, inwardly scratching their heads and wondering what on earth it meant. Whenever they got him alone, they would ask, "Explain this to us..." They were still figuring things out after he rose from the dead.
If the men who walked so closely with Jesus during his ministry didn't understand things sometimes, it makes me feel just a bit better. Sure, more things have been revealed these days and I do have the entirety of scripture before me....but still.
Matthew 16: 5-12 tells a story about a time when the disicples just didn't get it. Jesus warned them about "the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees." They talked among themselves (can't you just see them kind of huddling up?) and decided Jesus was talking about how they had not brought any bread with them.
Bread? Jesus explains things to them, but you can hear the exasperation in his voice..."How is it you don't understand..."
Eek. I should understand WAY more than I do. I grew up in church. We own shelves of Bibles. How is it that I don't understand more?
How is it that I grew up not questioning more things? How is it that I made major decisions (marriage, birth control, jobs, etc.) without really digging into scripture? Heck, without even conslulting it? It isn't that I didn't think something like birth control was important...it's just that I never thought about it. Not once. I did what everyone else did.
I saw a mom rushing in from her medical job (she was wearing scrubs) today to pick up her baby from the daycare at our church. It was 5:00 and you can bet she hadn't seen her son since before breakfast that morning. And I was angry.
Not at her. She probably has to work. I am angry that so many of us just do what is expected and never even think there could be another way. Or that God is powerful enough to provide another way. Don't we think He WANTS us to follow His will? Then won't He make a way? Why do we just blindly follow the path laid out before us, shrug and say, "what can I do?"
Why don't we get it? Why don't I get it? I want to be bolder. I want to question everything. I want to ask God, "what do I do?" I am very tired of the path I have been on. It isn't about making all the right decisions. It's about knowing God. It's about understanding His word.
If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. James 1:5
I should have asked sooner. But don't you just love that word "generously"? He won't just get me enough for me to get by, or to improve on where I am. He will give it generously! So sometimes when I'm feeling all smug because I understand a section of scripture...then I read an entire paragraph on Pyromaniacs and understand NONE of the words (and they are in English) or an entire section of scripture and then say, "HUH?" And I realize I am not quite where I want to be.
Like I said, I should have maybe asked for this wisdom sooner. But I am no where near where I used to be. God indeed gives generously to all without finding fault. So even if you feel like you are spending most of your time scratching your head...there is hope.
That much I know.