Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Where To Turn

I haven't slept well lately. It's probably because my schoolroom is a wreck. I've pulled a bunch of stuff out and everything is all in a jumble on the floor. I never rest well when my classroom is like that. It happened every year that I taught.

Also each year I had a "back to school nightmare." One year the nightmare was that I was driving to school and realized it was the first day of school and I had forgotten to go prepare my classroom. When I showed up there was a room full of students (all ages, from all years I had taught all jumbled together) and me with no copies made, no books on the shelf, nothing.

Another year I dreamed that instead of sending the class to P.E. at 11:30 in the morning, I sent them home. Waved good-bye to everyone on the front porch of the school and got in my car and drove off. Then I realized my mistake and rushed back to school searching out my window for students that I could not locate.

Thankfully, none of those dreams ever actually came true. And I was ever so grateful to wake up! But every year whenever I start working on my classroom, I never sleep well until there is order. Maybe that's why I haven't been sleeping.

Or, maybe it's money concerns. I've been very convicted of our lack of discipline in the area of budgeting and how we haven't been the best stewards of the money we've been given. I'm working on that. Maybe that's why I haven't been sleeping.

Or maybe it's a dozen other little things like how we aren't exactly satisfied in the life we have right now. And how S would really like to be in ministry or missions but how will that come together? We feel so "in between" things right now in a lot of areas. We don't feel settled, I guess. Maybe that's why I haven't been sleeping.

Or, maybe it was the thunderstorms last night and the musical beds we had to play to get the two little girls back to sleep.

Anyway, through all of it one thing remains a firm, constant, solid part of our lives--Jesus Christ. We have a Savior to turn to. No matter what looms on the horizon for our country or our lives...we have a place to turn. A solid rock to cling to. And knowing that makes all the difference.


  1. Hey if you DO ever get into foreign missions, I'll tell you right now that the uncertain in-between times you're in are training ground for the future.

    You will look back and be thankful for the circumstances that FORCE you to trust God.

    It's a sweet place.

  2. Oh, I SO hear you. Only in times like these (I'm there with you, believe me), I sleep too much and eat too much. Oy!

  3. Hang in there! I've been in that same position many times (and, it seems, we are in it once again!) This psalm has meant a lot to me over the years.

    May the Lord answer you in the day of trouble;
    May the name of the God of Jacob defend you;
    May He send you help from the sanctuary,
    And strengthen you out of Zion;
    May He remember all your offerings,
    And accept your burnt sacrifice.
    May He grant you according to your heart's desire,
    And fulfill all your purpose.
    We will rejoice in your salvation,
    And in the name of our God we will set up our banners!
    May the Lord fulfill all your petitions.
    Now I know that the Lord saves His anointed;
    He will answer him from His holy heaven
    With the saving strength of His right hand.
    Some trust in chariots, and some in horses;
    But we will remember the name of the Lord our God,
    They have bowed down and fallen;
    But we have risen and stand upright.
    Save, Lord!
    May the King answer us when we call.
    Psalm 20

  4. Brenda, this post was such a blessing to me! I can so relate to your back-to-school nightmares--I have them too! The most common one is where I don't have a schedule and a class shows up at my door (I teach elementary music) and I don't know which grade they are and I don't have my class lists and I don't have any plans and I wake up with my heart in my throat until I realize it was all a dream. Happens every August.

    I think those nightmares are tied to our desire to do a good job, which as teachers means being prepared and planning ahead and having things neat & tidy & in order. And so, for us Martha-types it is so unsettling when God doesn't allow us to know what His plan is (at least in full). If we don't know the plan, how can we prepare? What are we supposed to do then?

    We remind ourselves of what you mentioned in your last paragraph. We learn to be more like Mary; we learn that sitting at Jesus' feet and waiting to hear from Him IS doing something--it's doing the best thing, really.

    Thank you for the reminder!

  5. Oh Brenda, I used to have nightmares too! But teaching middle schoolers and seeing that I'm not all that organized to begin with and end up going with "plan D" most of the time, it wasn't the organization that bothered me. I would dream that the kids were all yelling and talking and up moving around and no one was listening to me. I had no control.

    I think a lot of what we dream about shows what we're nervous about or what we fear...where we feel weak. I love all the comments everyone has left. The psalm, the reminders to let it go and trust that God will carry us through, etc...

    I will ask that Our Lord will bind Satan and you will be granted peace and rest.


I don't get to talk to a lot of actual grown-ups during the day, so your comments make me really happy! :)