Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Shaping Me Part 4: The End of Satisfaction

If you are just joining is Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

I thought I was so lucky. I had a part-time job at our church. My girls were down the hall in daycare and first grade. We were paying our bills. I was able to help my husband with youth ministry stuff while I was at the office (I was the secretary, after all) AND get paid for it! :) I was off in time to still do some housework and run errands. My hours were flexible enough to handle doctor's appointments. Things were great.

Let's back up a bit. I taught for 6 years before having baby Sweetheart. After she was born, and we determined that there was no way I could stay home, I returned to work sobbing and kicking. I had to find a way to cope with this. I surrounded myself with other working moms. I looked for examples of children whose parents both worked full-time and were turning out OK. I prayed. I told myself it would all work out. And I ran out the door everyday as soon as I was off of work.

We continued like this until baby Little Bit was born (and she was anything but little when she was born!). If our friend had kept on babysitting, I would probably still be working today.

Of COURSE I was thrilled to be only working part-time. I used to tell myself how blessed I was, as a working mom--to be a teacher. I had summers and holidays off. The hours weren't too bad. But now that I was only working part-time, I thought I was even more blessed. So what was the problem? Why was I not satisfied?

The problem was you people! :) I started reading a few blogs back during this time. I started reading articles online. I "met" Christian ladies who thought about things quite a bit differently than I did. Or anyone around me. There was a whole other world out there NOT living like we were. And I was interested, to say the least.

It was during this time that I really began to understand that our family didn't look much different than any other family in the world. Except where we spent our Sunday mornings, we were pretty much just like other families. And I used to be OK with that.

But these blogs and these articles and these websites...they pointed me to scripture. And we started reading and praying and thinking and talking and.....I was no longer satisfied. I wanted God's way. Don't misunderstand me. I wasn't trying to copy the lifestyle of anyone. I wasn't taking anyone's writing as fact. But it piqued our interest and got us into scripture.

And now I wanted to be a homemaker. ME?!!!!! WANTING to be a homemaker? (Did the world just tip on it's axis?) And I wanted to homeschool. ME?!!!!! WANTING to homeschool? To join the "freakshow" that I so loved to gripe about? What was happening?

Yep. You guessed it. God was shaping me.

Next time: Coming Home


  1. This is probably my favorite post in the series so far. Why? Because when the reality hits that our lives really don't look any different from anyone else in the culture, that reality hites hard- like a ton of bricks. I know the feeling well. When it hits, you know that you just HAVE to find a way to make changes.

    I have really enjoyed these posts, Brenda. Thanks for sharing them.

  2. The Lord is good!

    This is such an encouragement to keep blogging.

  3. I now have closure.

    Thanks for this series. It's challenging to look back on your life before God gets ahold of you and print the truth.

    You go girl.

  4. Just the other day I wrote to a friend in encouragement, "Us freaks needs stick together." She wrote back, "How is it that such a silly statement brings such actual comfort?"

    Grateful to the God who is still shaping me!

    Great series.

  5. I followed you from your comment on tot school, and I am so glad I did! I LOVE your blog. I have read your 4 part series and have really enjoyed getting to *know you*.
    Blessings on your journey...


I don't get to talk to a lot of actual grown-ups during the day, so your comments make me really happy! :)