Saturday, March 8, 2008

The List

I really don't want to write this post. Let me just say that right up front. But I was realizing how far away I now am from this and thought it might help someone if I share.

(Big breath.)

I used to keep a running list in my head. My list had two columns. The first column was entitled: Things I Do Around Here. The second column was called: Things He Does Around Here. Needless to say, my column was always pages and pages longer than my husband's. I mentally went over that list in my head whenever I was doing stuff around the house--all the while telling myself how unfair it was that I worked all day (outside of the home) just like he did, and yet here I was doing ALL this stuff. I'll tell you, keeping that list going kept me in a near-constant state of being ticked off at my husband.

What a way to live.

I don't really know when I stopped doing that. I suspect it had something to do with reading Debi Pearl's book. I was convicted and my eyes were opened. I finally knew what being a godly wife meant. Things changed.

Scripture says, "Love...keeps no record of wrongs." (1 Corinthians 13:4-5) Wives, our submission and respect and love to our husbands is NOT dependent upon their deserving it. I am positive that S was not being as bad of a husband as I had convinced myself he was. But it wouldn't matter anyway. The Bible does not give us an "out" on our part of the deal just because our husband isn't living up to our expectations.

My mind truly has been renewed and transformed. I happily do (most) tasks around the house now--it isn't even a struggle. I'm not tempted to compare "who is doing more" at all. I see opportunities to serve and help instead of a bunch of things I HAVE to do because no one else will do them. I am so thankful to not be living like that anymore. There is joy and peace in doing things God's way. Turns out...God's way works A LOT better than the world's way.

Can I get an Amen?


  1. I have to remember that my husband works hard too.

    Some days I feel frustrated that he got to at least "get out" of the house all day but then I make myself remember that he got up at 4:30am and (literally) put in a 12-16 hour day. (we are self-employed)

    I now try not to begrudge him if he wants a few minutes before the kids descend upon him. :)

    He works just as hard as I do it's just a little less mentally/emotionally stressful. :)

    Good post.

  2. AMEN AND AMEN! I could have written this post before I started my own 'experiment'. The book that brought this to my attention was 'Lies Women Believe' by Nancy L. Demoss. I'm so thrilled for your happiness and I'm grateful to God to say that I share it with you. :)

  3. I came across a notebook of my mother-in-laws who actually WROTE DOWN her lists, thinking the very same thing you did. And, as I came across that list I thought, "Pshaw! I can't believe she wrote such a thing down." Now, after my heart has been enlightened to what my role is as wife and mom and homemaker, I realize I had my lists too, but they were in my head. Ugh. Humbling.

    Praise be to God He has transformed and revised our hearts, Brenda! Praise be to GOD!

  4. Yes, you can get an Amen from me. Amen.

  5. Amen my Sistah, amen!!

    I also read that book and wept over some of the things I was carrying in my heart.

    The poor Prince. He has no idea what he's up against.

    But I am a work in progress! (However slow it may be)

  6. Hey Brenda,
    I read debi pearl's book around 2005 it really helped me too. I passed it on, hoping it would be a blessing to someone else.
    I do still catch myself making a mental list and have to stop because I know it only leads to bitterness.


I don't get to talk to a lot of actual grown-ups during the day, so your comments make me really happy! :)