I'll start right off by telling you that I've written a lot about women's fashion on this blog. I've researched and read and thought and studied and prayed. And where I sometimes wish we would go back to being a country where women wear modest skirts and dresses....I dont' see that happening in the near future. Or the far future for that matter. I pretty much think that ship has sailed. Understanding how we got where we are was very eye-opening though, and I'm glad I studied it.
So even though we live in a society where women wear the pants just as much as men (but still do have the option of wearing dresses and skirts), that is no reason, in my opinion, to dress like a man. There must be something distinctly feminine in our culture about the pants we wear (if we choose to wear them).
Enter: the capri pant. My favorite. Distinctly feminine. Men do not wear capri pants. A cute top, cute sandals...and you have, in my opinion, a feminine look.
I'm a really big fan of the pants that either roll up or down. Perfect year round here in Texas.
And while these aren't exactly my style, I think print is a way to keep a distinctly feminine look.
I just flat out love capri pants.
BUT, there is one downside. There are times (zoo, parks, lots of walking) when you will need to wear tennis shoes with your capri pants and THAT is not the best look in the whole world. Although I have done it. (shame) Enter: the athletic capri pant.
I have some of these in navy blue with "athletic looking" white stripes down the side. Very deceiving. But they look pretty good with tennis shoes and that's what matters. And they are much better than sweats, in my opinion. And may I just say that my husband also likes capri pants on me, but much prefers khakis to denim. So, OK. I found some really cute ones at Target but I don't see them on the website now.
When I'm not wearing capri pants, I prefer two things. One, I have a great denim skirt that was a hand-me-down. I have no picture but it's knee length and wonderful. Then I prefer really long flow-y skirts. I love to buy them from the beach. They have good ones down there.
Here is my final thought. Casually femininity CAN be done. And it cannot be divorced from modesty. There are things, I have learned through this series, that should NOT be casual about us. Our clothing can be....but should still be feminine. Not just sloppy. Our speech and actions should NOT be casual. I will remember this series for a long time every time I buy clothes or get dressed. Thank you to all who participated!
You should not listen to anything I have to say. I just saw pictures my mom took around Easter and I looked so humongously fat in every single one. I thought I had on good, flattering shirts, but apparently I was sadly, sorely mistaken.
That's it. I'm sticking with black every single day of the week. I tried color and it was not good.
For those of you who look better in shirts than I do, you should try layering. Oh I love layers. I don't have nearly enough layering stuff. Here are some great under layers. They help with everything. Cleavage? Covered. Shirt ride-up? Taken care of. Rolls of fat? Held in place. I'm telling you, layering is the way to go.
I don't think I have worn a button up shirt since I had children. Buttons always seem to tug and gape. There was an unfortunate incident with a pretty shirt from Dress Barn and S's Christmas work party and the guy on my left but we won't go into that.
Which reminds me.....get good bras!!! I'm preaching to myself here too. I did go get new ones last year and used Oprah's bra sizing guidelines. It's time to go again though. I would love to have a professional fitting. Well, let me re-phrase that. I would love to have a professionally fitted bra and look all slimmer and younger. I am slightly horrified at the thought of the fitting though.
Two more things come to mind and I feel like such a hypocrite even sharing this stuff. It just goes to show I KNOW what should be done, but fail miserably when I do it. I really need Stacy and Clinton to come running in the store and slap stuff out of my hand. Or some of you girlfriends to come shopping with me.
OK the first thing is: find out what colors look good on you. Secondly, get a neckline that flatters you.
I think shirts are where modestly falls all to pieces for some ladies. A full length mirror is important. I don't wear sleeveless shirts, but it's important to check if the person beside you can see all the way through your armhole or not. Then there's cleavage.....transparent fabric....too short shirts...the list goes on and on.
And most of all, forbid photographs being taken around you when you are wearing a bright turquoise shirt.
Clearly, with the going out of town and taking a bit too long to get back in the swing of civilization, I am running behind and there will be no Casually Feminine this week.
I DO apologize.
We will resume next Wednesday, as scheduled. The topic when we return will be tops. As in shirts. Blouses. Whatever you wear above your waist. :)
By the way, have you noticed that we have been concluding that our adornments can be casual, but not our actions? Anyone else noticed that?
And also, at Subway yesterday I saw a woman. She worked for a construction company according to the logo on her polo shirt. It was light blue and she was wearing jeans and black shoes and a big belt. She had her hair in a simple pony tail and no make-up. Want to know what I noticed immediately? Her earrrings! She had on shiny silver hoops and a silver bracelet with her outfit. They did not look out of place and I thought were just the right touch to make her look feminine in an obviously masculine job. See? Accessories DO matter!
See you next Wednesday for our discussion on shirts!
I have had two accessories in my lifetime that were my absolute favorite. Whenever I added them to my outfit, no one was looking at me or my clothes or my hair or anything. If you have any flawed spots that you would prefer no one see, I highly recommend adding these to your accessory collection.
I find them harder to carry around these days.
And without a cute baby on your hip, you are so....vulnarable, so....naked, so....exposed. I mean, how am I supposed to keep my stomach sucked in all the time?
OK seriously. I'll tell you the truth, if it were up to me I would carry no purse. It is a necessary evil and I buy a new one every 5 years or so whether I need to or not. You think I'm kidding, but I'm not. In the summers I prefer to find a cute bag to carry around. I used to use the excuse of "well, we are past the need for a diaper bag, but these are so easy to throw a pull up and a juice cup in" but we are past that too. I like this one at Target. Or this one. I don't carry HUGE bags, but more the size of purses.
As far as jewelry goes, I wear earrings. I usually only wear them to church or if we are "going somewhere." (Giovanna, clearly your house doesn't count since you told me you've never seen me wear any!) I do like bracelets and will wear those to church. My wedding ring doesn't fit right now, and I'm completely out of the habit of wearing other jewelry. I used to--when I went to work. I haven't worn a watch in 10 years. I am whatever the opposite of flashy is.
Make-up? See above.
Shoes. Let's see---for summer I have tennis shoes, flip flops, and sandals. If we are home I usually do wear shoes simply because we have laminate flooring and it hurts to walk around barefoot all day. I keep my toes painted but suffer from a severe lack of pedicures. On that note, I do not paint my fingernails and my nails are quite short. I do not understand how a woman can work around the house all day and keep long nails. If you can do that, feel free to explain it to me.
Here's the thing: I am not an accessories kind of girl. I don't need "extra" stuff to mess with. I know my husband doesn't prefer a lot of fussiness, so that works out well. I do not think accessories are a sin! I know some women who do a fine job of accessorizing and it makes them look lovely. I do know the Bible says our beauty should not come from those things. Still, if I knew a bit more about how to accessorize well, it would probably be good. Perhaps some of you can teach me.
I feel I've been a terrible lot of help today.
You're welcome.
And here's a question......is there such thing as "casual accessories"? If so, what are they? Do "sunglasses as a headband" count?
Join in the discussion with us and enlighten me on this whole accessories thing ladies!
When I was about 10 years old, my oldest sister rolled her eyes at my dad. I well remember this scene as I was sitting on the couch folding clothes. Oh boy was he mad! She got grounded, which very rarely happened at our house, and I made a mental note. Self: do not roll your eyes at dad. Ever.
But the thing is, I did roll my eyes. I was just smart enough to not do it to his face. I waited until my back was turned. Or his was.
That's not really better by the way. The heart attitude behind the eye rolling was the problem, not the facial expression itself. So even though I may not be an adult who makes ugly faces at people, my heart attitude sometimes DOES roll my eyes at them. And maybe even sticks out its tongue sometimes, so to speak. That is not OK.
Sometimes it just takes acting to have the proper facial expression. Like when a child in your class is hurling all over the floor. What is required in that moment is compassion and action.....not a gagging face and wigging out. It's just not proper for a teacher to have a "gross me out!" look on their face when a child is sick. Inside you may be grossing out, but outwardly you don't want to show that.
OK that's kind of a funny example, but I do think it's important to not show exactly how we are feeling through our facial expression at all times. I don't always wake up feeling joyful, but I can still smile at my family. Sometimes there is a heart attitude that needs to be dealt with, but other times, it just takes choosing the right action in spite of our feelings.
That is true for anyone. But ladies have some other things to consider. David says something similar to the following many times in the Psalms:
Answer me speedily, O LORD; My spirit fails! Do not hide Your face from me, Lest I be like those who go down into the pit. Psalm 143:7
Do not hide Your face from me. We would not want the Lord to look away from us. Ladies, do you look away from your husband when you are upset with him? Do you avoid eye contact?
Do you remember that scene in Monsters Inc. where Boo sees Sulley scaring?
Just watch from 5:45 to 6:32 in case you don't have the movie memorized like me.
I have seen mothers out in public with their children before and the entire time the mother is griping and fussing and frowning at those children. Look, I know everyone can have a bad day, and I really try to give folks the benefit of the doubt, but honestly? I can watch you for 10 minutes or 30 minutes and not once do you have a smile or kind word for your child?
I suspect if many of us saw ourselves on TV like Sulley saw himself (the way Boo--or our children see it), we would be ashamed. It's easy for me to see these other mother's faults because I am watching them from afar. If you were following me around with a camera, some days I wouldn't look so great myself.
Wonder how our face looks when we are having a conversation with our husband? A few weeks ago at the grocery store I told the girls, "Aww. Look at that sweet little old couple up there." I just love old folks. The wife was sitting in an automatic cart and the husband was shuffling along beside her. They were by the yogurt, shopping together.
Then we got closer.
"I want the low fat kind." said the wife. "The what?" said her husband. "The LOW FAT YOGURT." she said, a bit too sharply. "I can't understand you." he said, exasperated. She looked at him like he was the biggest idiot on the earth and shook her head. "NEVER MIND!" He shook his head back at her.
Never mind girls. DON'T look at the sweet little old couple! Come on, we don't need yogurt!
Gee whiz. It was not lovely. Last week we talked about what words come out of our mouth, but if it isn't matched with a loving facial expression, we might as well not be saying anything.
And you know moms can shoot looks that can kill. It cracks me up when I see a "mom look" being shot across the room at church. I can line up the death stare and find the kid who is receiving it in 2 seconds flat. And clearly there is a time and place for "non-verbal communication", but I think the majority the time, our family should see love and patience on our faces, don't you agree?
Join in with us this week! Share what "the face" and "casually feminine" makes you think of!
Boy, "the mouth" turned out to be a really good, convicting topic, huh? I got a lot out of it. We are going to use the broad topic of "the face" this week. That can be make-up, your facial expressions, what things you let your eyes look upon, more on the mouth if you had more to say (ha ha--no, really), whatever "the face" brings to your mind.
Boy is this a big topic. Hee Hee. I really mean it. The Bible talks A LOT about the mouth. Oh there are many, many things to say.
But we are looking at "the mouth" in light of being casually feminine. And if I may say so, I don't think that what comes out of our mouth needs to be taken lightly. Therefore, there isn't much "casual" to this part of femininity.
When I think of casual speech, I think of sloppy, slang, joking around, even cussing. All things that a lady should not be doing. We had a visiting family at our church a few years ago when I was teaching Sweetheart's class. At the end of class the mom came in to pick up her little girl. She was really a pretty lady. That was really the first thing I noticed was how pretty she was.
And then she opened her mouth. She was impatient, snappy, and even just downright rude to her little girl. I figured maybe she was having a bad day. You never know what her morning had been like. But I will never forget how quickly the image of "pretty lady" was completely and totally CRUSHED.
So what we say and how we say it really do matter. These verses should give us a clue about our speech:
But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. Ephesians 5:3-4
I grew up in a very sarcastic family. It took me a few errors before I figured out that not everyone appreciates a good sarcastic remark. My blunt joking was unappreciated by some, to say the least. Note to self: pass on this information to daughters.
Obscenity is never feminine. A woman who cusses like a sailor is not lovely to behold. Foolish talk---well, I think gossiping falls under that. It is not how the Lord would have us to act. Instead, our mouths should be used for thanksgiving. A woman with a thankful attitude is lovely in every way. Even if physically she isn't much to look at.
Now, let's discuss volume. I have consciously worked on this one in the 17 years we have been married. I used to be LOUD. In high school I thought the louder I joked and made everyone laugh, the better. My husband is a quiet person and cherishes a quiet environment. I know there were times I embarrassed him early on in our marriage just because I was talking or laughing loudly in a room full of people. I was flabbergasted! But in my more mature years, I have noticed that women who speak quietly are truly lovely to be around. I am more and more turned off by loud and obnoxious. I'm not talking about turning into one of those people that you have to lip read to follow their conversation.....just about not being the one who is always LOUD.
I don't think we can leave this topic without discussing the physical problems with the mouth.
1. A lady does not talk with food in her mouth. I am STILL trying to teach this one to my children. WHEN will they learn? I have intended to put a mirror in the dining room for quite some time now so they can see their loveliness in action. Also, a lady closes her mouth when she chews. Still working on that one too.
2. Good breath/bad breath. Here's one advantage of being quieter. If you do have bad breath and are unaware, you will be sharing it with fewer people.
3. And while you would think gum might be the answer to number 2....I have noticed more and more lately that chewing gum is not always lovely. Oh I think there is a time and place for it, but I have noticed women chewing gum when they are giving an announcement in a group, talking to a lot of people, just about anywhere! I think that chewing gum just anywhere you are is being a bit TOO casual. I used to chew gum a lot, but I think it's more a thing for very casual settings now. Just something I've been noticing lately.
4. Lipstick is not always the answer. My roommates in college, and they would not mind me sharing these stories with you, were big on lipstick. When L was student teaching, she always made sure to touch up her lipstick throughout the day. She was convinced she looked more professional with it on and freshly done. Before she left, one of the little girls in the class wrote, "Thank you for teaching us Mrs. J. You always have nice lipstick." She was ecstatic!
BUT, my other roommate K went by the same theory in childbirth. She ended up having a c section but she touched up her lipstick before wheeling off to surgery. She was determined to look good in the hospital pictures. When she got them back, here was her pale face with BRIGHT CORAL LIPSTICK emanating from every picture. It was hilarious. I think, being women who prefer a more casually feminine look, that chap stick or lip gloss might be our best friend. I wear lipstick to church. Other than that, it's just Vaseline or whatever.
5. Do I even need to tell you about how it looks for a woman to have a cigarette hanging out of her mouth?
Like I said, many things to talk about here. What matters most is what the Bible has to say about it. The other things require a mirror and becoming a people watcher. If it doesn't look lovely on anyone else you see, it probably isn't a very lovely or feminine thing at all.
Do you think our more casual dress and more casual (about everything) society has affected the way we speak/chew/talk etc?
This week our Casually Feminine feature will be appearing on Thursday. I sure hope some of you will consider joining in on your blog or in the comments section. We've been having some good discussion.
The topic this week is our MOUTH. You can take that however you want, but we were sort of thinking that what comes out of your mouth can make you look feminine or not. Then there's make-up options for your lips, gum chewing, manners while eating....etc.
OK, now that we've got ourselves thinking about what we sleep in so our dear husbands see loveliness first thing in the morning....it made sense to start at the top.
The head. The hair on our head. I have long hair and I'm working on my daughters having long hair as well. Little Bit, bless her heart doesn't have much hair. Never has. Sweetheart has kind of half-curly/half-straight hair which translates to "poof head" or sometimes "feral child."
I've written about my reasons for keeping long hair here. No matter the length of your hair, (Little Bit decidedly does not have "long" hair yet even at the age of 6) I think it is important for it to look feminine. That will be different for different races and cultures. "Feminine" to Scotch-Irish American stick-straight-hair me might be completely different than for another lady. That's why I think it is imprtant to remember that feminine is the opposite of masculine. When you can't tell the difference between man and woman.....that's not right.
So, I'm a big fan of the clip. It's my grown-up version of the pony tail. Husband prefers my hair pulled back in a low ponytail. I prefer it down to sleep even though sometimes it seems to take over and I get all tangled up. I wish I could braid my own hair really well but my arms don't seem to want to do that.
Really, a personal hairdresser would be nice.
I don't color my hair and hope that I never decide to. I figure this is the color God wanted me to have. I very rarely go get it cut and I do almost nothing to it except on Sunday mornings I blow dry the front and top to help things along.
I've had my hair VERY short before. In fact, I would dare say that my hair has been short for far more of my life than it has been long. When I was growing up (FIRL can attest to this) I had short hair and I looked like a boy. Ug. Didn't dress much like a girl either except to church.
I don't fuss with my girls' hair much unless we are going somewhere. Sweetheart has pretty much outgrown bows in her hair, but I love these pony tail scarves I made for Christmas. I think the point is, do something. Fix it in some way or at least make sure it's clean and brushed. Every child's hair is so different I cannot tell you what you should do, but I do think we need to teach our girls that fixing their hair is a good thing. And on that note, I have a quote:
"...be not careless of the good looks that nature has given to you...untidiness and carelessness hide the beauty of kind deeds---but greatness of soul and nobility of heart hide homeliness of face...Take time to make yourself presentable, but do not use the time before your glass that should be given to loving service." --Mabel Hale in Beautiful Girlhood
Well said, Mabel. I guess to sum it up, our hair should not look like men's hair. We should strive for it to look neat and lovely, but not to the loss of more important things in life. I love to look at sites that show you how to do all these lovely updos, but remember, we are talking about being casually feminine and mostly, those hairdos don't fit into my daily life. (I'd still like that personal stylist to try them out on me though, ok?)
Whatever you do, I think we can all agree that all day bed-head is taking it a bit far. Right?
Now. Sigh. JulieMom thinks we need to discuss other hair. Unwanted facial hair. Hair in other places that our culture deems should be removed. I have 2 things to say about that.
1. The facial hair? Remove it for goodness sake. I don't want to know how. Pluck, shave, wax, whatever.
2. I'm all for shaving your legs and underarms, but remember: dressing modestly = far less concern about hair removal.
I just think women used to know this!
Your turn! Join in and share with us about your hair. Your woes, your successes, your thoughts.....how do you keep your hair casually feminine?
I hope you enjoyed our first week of the new Casually Feminine feature! I sure did. I have big plans for our pajamas, especially since JulieMom put up a tutorial on pajama pants.I can't wait to try it.
This week we will be discussing hair. I'm not picky, you can take that assignment any way you like. It's your blog. Think about how your hair can make you look more casually feminine and go with it. Link up here Wednesday morning on the MckLinky and share in the fun!
Also, as promised, we will be discussing other hair. As in, the removal of the unwanted hair. :) Shaving, unwanted facial hair, etc. NOT that any of us have that concern, but....you know....just in case someone ELSE did, we can discuss it. Ahem.
Edited to add: FINE. I didn't know OK??? Now I'm not the bad guy. :)
Notice the closed bedroom door so the children don't wander in..."Mommy? Why are you taking a picture of yourself in your pajamas at 11:30am?"
The reason we decided to begin with what we sleep in is because it's the last thing my husband sees on his way out the door in the mornings.
Poor guy.
Internet, please meet my pajamas.
I love them so. I love these capri pants. They are soft, comfy, and wonderful. That shirt is just an old t-shirt. The top varies. Sometimes I wear one of my husband's old t-shirts with these capris.
Just look how the waistband is lovingly frayed. You know Old Navy dates their stuff, right? Let's take a peek shall we?
Man! I forgot to turn the picture. Oh well. Please crane your neck now.
Oh! 2002! So that means I purchased these bad boys BEFORE I was even pregnant with Little Bit. When Sweetheart was just turning 3.
Folks, I'll be honest here. I love these capri pants, but I do love my husband as well. He deserves better than this. I think there is a place for sloppy pajamas, but it's not every night. If your husband goes out of town for work or hunting or whatever....THAT'S the night you pull out your sloppy old lovely pajamas.
S never goes out of town. Shoot.
Still, I'm keeping them. There is a time and place for these. Maybe camping trips?
Part of the reason my sleepwear is a concern is my husband. He deserves to see a lovely, feminine woman when he wakes up in the morning. Not someone dressed like a sloppy college kid. I am his bride, his wife. He is one reason why it matters.
The other reason is I have little people imitating me. Honestly I felt convicted about my sleepwear about 2 years ago. I saw that my daughters were wearing old too-big t-shirts to sleep in. Boy do they look sloppy, I thought. And then I looked down at what I was wearing.
Oh.
It wasn't doing their future husbands any favors to teach them that bedtime = sloppy. So I asked my mom to make them nightgowns. I blogged about it here....one of my favorite comment sections of all time on this blog. And I'm sorry to say that nearly 2 years later, I am still saying and wearing the same things.
It is REALLY time to change. I don't mean that I want to do an experiment and try out feminine attire for awhile. I want to BE more feminine. How do I do that? By just starting I guess.
It doesn't mean you have to wear this to bed.
If you want to, that's fine. What it probably means is that you need to talk to your husband. He might have a completely different idea than you. Remember, we are talking about being casually feminine, but that doesn't mean just casual. We need to look different than men. So what does that mean?
Personally, I think these are lovely.
And let me just interject something else here. I do not believe that modesty applies in the bedroom with our husbands. You are married for goodness sake! BUT, modesty does apply when you are just walking around the house. Maybe you don't hold to the same standards as you do for the public eye, but you do have to consider what you are walking around in.
What are your ideas for casually feminine modest sleepwear?
If you'd like to chime in today on your blog and join us on this journey, please sign on up on the 'ol MckLinky! If you don't have a blog or would just like to leave a comment--those are welcome too!
Notice the closed bedroom door so the children don't wander in..."Mommy? Why are you taking a picture of yourself in your pajamas at 11:30am?"
Man! I forgot to turn the picture. Oh well. Please crane your neck now.
