The Wisdom of Little Bit

She's been using my camera again. She was experimenting with turning the light off and on in her room to make the dollhouse windows appear like night and day. And this is what I found...in this order:

Still sleeping...

Good morning!

Making Daddy's lunch...

Getting ready for work...

Here's your lunch dear...

Mmwah!

And then....

Wait...what???

What does she know? She's asleep at that time of day anyway!

Whose Job Is It?

A man once got a job in an office. When he was first hired, the boss put out a memo telling what his job description would be. But...the man never read the memo. So he just busied himself around the office doing whatever appealed to him. He was always busy, mind you, but not doing what he was hired to do.

In fact, NO ONE was really doing what the man had been hired to do. And it really began to take a toll on the whole office. These things needed to be done by someone, but it seemed no one thought it was their job.

Of course sometimes the man HAD to do one of his "real" jobs. Just simply because the office couldn't function unless it was done. But when he did, he was always mad. He would perform the job (that SHOULD HAVE BEEN his) but he grumbled inwardly the whole time because he was sure someone wasn't doing their job.

Sound silly?

I was that man.

When I got married 18 1/2 years ago, I had not read my job description. I had no understanding.

...the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things--that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed. Titus 2:3-5

 So I went on about my business doing what I thought was my job (teaching) and of course things still needed to be done around the house. At first I didn't mind....I mean, our apartment was new and all. But as the years wore on, and we got busier, I started to mind. I was SURE all this wasn't MY job! After all, I was gone all day to work just like S and I had totally bought the lie that "marriage is 50/50." If I was cooking, then HE needed to do dishes!

I still ended up doing most of my "real job" that I should have been doing all along. Just simply because it needed to be done. But I grumbled inwardly and I was SURE it wasn't all my job. I was mad a lot.

What a joy when I finally read and understood my job description!! Actually, it took a load off my shoulders! I was doing WAY more than I was called to do! I was worrying myself with things that were not my concern. I was doing a lot of good things, but neglecting the tasks I had been asked to concentrate on.

Now when the house is a mess, I'm still not happy. BUT...I'm not mad at my husband about it. I say to myself, "I have GOT to get this kitchen cleaned up!" Did you hear that? I say, "I" have to clean it. Not "someone should really...." Now don't get me wrong, I am always glad for help around here--especially when I'm pregnant! But I don't expect someone to come do my job. I actually really enjoy my job and feel that I get better at it each year. (I've been home full time for 5 years now.)

You might disagree if you saw my house right now. But the thing is, I'm excited that it's Friday and the weekend and I'M HOME to take care of things. Such a blessing.

I love my job.

Doing It All

Yesterday on Facebook there was a conversation among some friends of mine about getting fixed up before husband gets home. The poster had been working hard all day and was sweaty and trying to get supper on the table and shower before he got home. This created some interest---one friend of the poster, who I don't know, wondered if she was living in the 1950s.

But another lady was inspired and came back later to say that she had showered and put on make-up and clean clothes before her husband got home. She was concerned he might have a heart failure when he stepped in the door. :)

Do you clean up and freshen up before your husband gets home? Do you clean the kids up? Do you pick up the house?

I'll tell you, we ALWAYS pick up the house. At least the living room...at 4:00. The girls know I expect the disaster to be resolved before Daddy walks in the door. I shudder to think of him walking in early and unexpected one day because I think he would just be in such shock! HOW is it possible they did ALL THIS since I left for work this morning? Sometimes I'm shocked.

Have you heard of this rock stacking thing? We gave it a go this weekend. 

I do brush my hair. I'm not often sweaty and disgusting. But I'll admit I haven't put a ton of thought into what I look like when he walks in the door. Then again, I ALWAYS shower and get dressed every morning. I understand that some ladies do not. It grosses me out to stay in pajamas all day. I just could not do it. So, yes, if I were in pajamas, or yoga pants and a stained shirt--I could see where there would be room for improvement. I also understand how a mom can let that get away from her and not even realize what she looks like when husband gets home. But I think it's important.

Anyway, Carrie piped up in this Facebook conversation to say that many women in the 1950s had help of some sort. Either they had a maid, or some kind of hired helpers, or even just that you could get milk and groceries delivered to your house back then. Also that most of them did not work outside OR INSIDE (read: homeschooling) their homes. Her point was--yes, look presentable. But we can't do it all.

Sweetheart working on her creation. 

This was an interesting thought to me. I hadn't really stopped to consider the time homeschooling takes away from other things I could be doing. THIS is what being a "stay at home mom" means to me because this is the only way I've ever done it--with homeschooling thrown in the mix.

Oh don't think I haven't dreamt of all I could get accomplished if these little sweeties were gone for 8 hours a day! But that's not what I want. Not what we want. I love having them here but I admit--I love the holidays a whole lot when the homeschooling factor is gone and I just get to be a mom and homemaker. It's so nice.

That's why it irritates me that I get stressed out about not doing spelling for the 3rd day in a row. Or how we forgot to do Zoology yesterday. Or the other myriad of things we don't always get to. I have so many other things to be doing! Homeschooling is a lifestyle, but it is not life. 


Meal prep.
Kitchen clean up.
Laundry.
General housecleaning.
Errands.
Bill paying/checkbook.

JUST those things take up a considerable chunk of time. I don't have time to homeschool for 12 hours a day on top of that! All things in moderation, right? Even lessons. Checking off all the little boxes does not ensure a successful education. Quality over quantity, right? Balance. We have children to educate, but we also have a house and a husband and responsibilities.

Other people before us went ALL out!

So I will not worry about what didn't get done. We will wisely use our time during "school hours" and then move on to other things. (Knowing, of course, that learning doesn't stop at a certain time.)

(I'm trying to convince myself here and I'm not sure it's working. I guess I really do believe somewhere there are families who get all their subjects done, cook a home-cooked meal and have a neat house.)

Your thoughts on all this?

I Am a (Good) Homemaker

We've got people coming over tonight so we've got to get the house in order.

Not REAL order, mind you....company order. You know the difference, don't you? REAL order is when you actually organize things and spend time getting to the root of the problem and do not ignore areas like cleaning out the fridge. REAL order is when you do actual spring cleaning and completely finish a room and feel good about it.

Company order is when you pick up and surface clean and "make it look good." Heaven forbid someone open a closed door, right?

I want to do the spring cleaning, but I'm going to have to settle for company cleaning today. Still, we have a lot of folks coming over who are not homeschoolers and I feel responsible to have our homeschool room looking really good. I hate to give a bad impression of homeschooling.

I am really feeling the responsibility of keeping and managing this home. Of being a good homemaker. S had a pretty significant job change happen this week. It's a good thing---pretty much a promotion if you will. He's just doing something totally different and I know for a while, that means more stress. I know his mind will be focused on work a lot. So I am really feeling the need to keep up with things here so that his evenings are peaceful and he doesn't have to worry about things.

I don't really feel that women are encouraged to be good homemakers much anymore. Well, despite the fact that they aren't encouraged to be homemakers at all! It's just seen as totally acceptable to just "get a maid" or to "tell your husband he can do it then!" The whole attitude for stay-at-home moms is often wrong. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with having a maid--it's the whole attitude of "why should I have to do it?" If a woman works outside the home, the attitude is even worse! "How can he expect you to (fill in the blank)? You have a job too!"

For me, it isn't what my husband "expects." It's what God has said. I like to read Titus 2:3-5 in a lot of different versions. No matter how it's worded, the message is clear. We are to keep our homes. Now 6 years ago when I had a baby and a kindergarten student and was babysitting another baby, my home did not look that great. I am in a completely different stage of life now. I have 2 helpers! So yes, we must extend grace to ourselves when little ones are underfoot, or when there is sickness in the house, but not constantly be finding excuses to be a bad homemaker. We need to be good homemakers. As good as we are able to be.

Pretty hard when you weren't raised to be one, huh? I cannot believe how much better I have gotten at things these last 4 years that I've been home. I know I am not the only one who has struggled with this because I get more hits to my blog for this post than any other. Constantly, there are people googling "how to be a homemaker." Isn't that sad? Their own mothers did not teach them and now they are trying to figure it all out. I'll tell you, if I had started learning to be a homemaker in 1993 when I got married, instead of after we had been married a long time and had 2 kids....I would be better at it right now. I cannot even imagine how my house and my time might look differently!

But being a good homemaker is all for naught if I don't teach my daughters to be homemakers as well. We all know someone whose mom did EVERYTHING for them when they were growing up and then they practically had to learn to dress themeselves as adults. I can have the best house ever and if I'm not teaching my daughters...I've messed up.

And of course, if I don't show love while I'm doing it, I've missed the whole point.

Honestly, I don't "feel" like a good homemaker yet. But I think I'll start saying it anyway and then live up to it!

What area of housekeeping are you good at?
What area do you need the most help?

Seventeen Years of Sleep

We have a queen size bed. That should be plenty of space for two people.

And it would be, if we slept like this:

But we don't. We both like to sleep kind half on our stomach and half on our side with one leg hiked up.

Which works fine when we face opposite sides:

But not so well when we face each other.

The strategy is to be the first one to face the inside of the bed. Then you can get your leg hiked up first and the other person will have to adjust. Kind of like the armrest at the movies.

It's better than when we were newlyweds. We bought a double sized mattress for $99 from a little furniture store. A "double" mattress is slightly bigger than a twin. Even though we were thin back then, this is what sleeping was like:

No kidding we had to turn in unison.

I dream of one day having a king sized bed. This is what I think it will be like:

But this is probably more accurate:

Oh well. I'm not complaining. This is how S thinks we sleep:

But he doesn't have any proof.

The Revisions Are Plentiful

We used to eat out a lot. When I worked, it was just a whole lot easier to eat out than to cook at home AND have to clean up the mess afterward. We only had a few hours at home all together and we didn't want to spend them cooking and cleaning with our back to baby Sweetheart. Plus, I still had work to do in the evenings most of the time.

Then I quit and we became poor so we ate at home. IF we ate out because of poor planning, last minute schedule changes, or whatever...it was fast food. Because that was what we could afford. The groceries I bought? Whatever was cheapest.

Ug.

You really don't want to go down the road of researching food although I know many of you have done it. It just disturbs you and then you either have to sweep what you know under the rug or act on it. There is just SO much to change it's overwhelming. Plastic containers are the devil? Milk products are contaminated? Everything has hormones and antibiotics in it? What do I do now???? ACK!!!

At the same time I am still determined to simplify our home. To declutter. To get rid of STUFF that weighs us down. That's a big goal in itself.

At the same time I am concerned about my children's spiritual development AND their schooling. I feel the need to do more--to teach them more--to be more purposeful and less accidental about training them. I feel the weight of responsibility in that area. That's a big goal in itself.

At the same time I WANT to work on things that bless our family. Like quilts for the girls, and costumes for our costume day, and other sewing and crafts. I want our home to be warm and inviting and welcoming. That's a big goal in itself.

At the same time, my husband is a very busy man with 2 jobs and major responsibilities at church. I am his helper. That's a big job in itself.

Put it all together and you have me.

Me and my very busy brain.

After This We Can Talk About Our Bursitis

I am so over heat. Summer is over for us anyway. We started school, the local pools are closed. What else is there?

So fall needs to get here. Autumn. My favorite season. (Spring is in 2nd place) I think August is a bit too early to start decorating for fall, but my Mom bought me some things at the dollar store this weekend. I cannot justify spending money on unnecessary stuff right now, even if it IS from the dollar store. So I was very grateful.

Won't those look lovely on my entryway cabinet minus all the other mess that's there right now?

Strangely, it doesn't look like this right now. Hmmm. My house hasn't been cleaning itself very well. Perhaps I should get back on track.

On a good note, and off the subject of weather, I started on the girls' rag quilts this weekend. I got a lot of flannel cut out, but oh my word there is more. Much more. The cutting is NOT the fun part, by the way. However, I would like them to get to use the quilts on their bed when the weather does get cold.

There's the weather again. How's your bursitis doing?

I found out this week that I am important. And that my role as my husband's helper is very important. We all went out of town Saturday for Sweetheart's birthday. S came home Sunday afternoon since he leads a Bible study on Sunday evenings and also had to be at work on Monday. I stayed up there with my parents and the girls and came home today (Tuesday).

Sunday evening he couldn't get the lesson to print that he had worked so hard on. He called me, but I was not very much help 3 hours away. Monday he forgot some things in his lunch, forgot to take his glasses to work and then I got home today and saw he didn't eat any of the food I had left for him. Also, he slept on a pitiful sliver of bed because there was clean laundry stacked all over the bed when we left.

Yes, I KNOW he could have put it up. I KNOW lots of men make their own lunches and meals. I KNOW he is an adult and perfectly capable of taking care of things.

But I'm important.

I'm important because I take care of things that he doesn't even have to worry about or give a thought to. I am important because I think about his meals and food long before he gets hungry (most times). I'm important because I am here when he needs me--for whatever reason whether it be to print something or to put away the laundry or to just talk to.

I realized this week that my role as his helper is even more important than homeschooling our girls. It's a fundamental part of our family. It's something we are based on. Long after the girls are done with school, and no longer need my help with the basics of life...I will be his helper. (God willing)

It's good to feel needed.

And no I'm not going to turn into one of these women who starts doting on her poor husband because the children don't need her anymore---treating him like a mere child and shushing him.

But I will be here to help him. Whatever the weather.

Helping Our Husbands With Work

Before I start in on today's topic I just wanted to give you an update on my pajama situation. I finally got a chance to ask S about my pajamas and to my surprise, he said my pajama pants were fine. He just would rather me wear a tank top than an old t-shirt. OK, that makes sense. My friend told me where they sell lots of cute tank tops (not just undershirt-looking ones). Also, JulieMom is planning to put up a tutorial on sewing pajama pants. If it looks easy enough, I might try it. She's going to sew some for her and her girls out of feminine fabrics. I think that would make a difference. Nice, new feminine print pajama pants and a matching tank top. Sounds like a plan to me!

Now. My husband works a lot. If you read this blog there's a good chance your husband works a lot too. I just happen to know that a lot of my blog readers (well, the ones I KNOW OF anyway---ahem lurkers) stay at home or homeschool or are trying to make it on one income. That naturally means that your husband works hard. If you also work outside the home, this is even harder for you. But I still think it's important and biblical.

The Bible says that Eve was created to be a helper for Adam. I believe that when I married S, I became his most important helper. And, this is the hard part, me helping him is more important than him helping me. See, when I was a full-time working mom with a little one I was angry inside. I remember kneeling beside the bathtub bathing Sweetheart, after fixing supper, still looking forward to stacks of papers that needed to be graded, and a house that needed to be cleaned, counting how many times I had bathed her since she was born. What I was doing was making a mental list of how many times he had NOT bathed her. In my mind, I deserved a husband who helped out more since I was so busy all the time. Heaven forbid one of my friends or co-workers should mention some thing that their husband always did for them!

I'm wiser now. I read Debi Pearl's book Created to Be His Helpmeet about 4 or 5 years ago and it REALLY changed me. It changed our marriage. I know some will say that book is controversial but I'm here to tell you that it blessed us tremendously. No one had ever opened up scripture and just flat out explained to me what it said about being a wife.

So, now that I had a proper perspective and knew that helping my husband pleased the Lord, and that my husband wasn't put on earth to help me, it got easier.

This weekend my husband will be working both of his jobs. I can't actually go to work with him (and would be precious little help if I did) but there are things I can do to help him this weekend:

1. Make sure he comes home to a clean house.
2. Have meals ready and be flexible if he doesn't want to take time to sit down and eat. (pack it up for him, etc.)
3. Have the clothes he needs washed and ready to go.
4. Go shopping with him for supplies he needs for a job.
5. Take care of things around the house that he won't have time to attend to.
6. Show and teach my girls a grateful attitude for Daddy's hard work (instead of teaching them to pout because we are alone "No. We can't go do fun things because Daddy has to work.")

I'm sure there are others. Just knowing that things are taken care of here, and that I'm a phone call away if he needs me to do anything for him (I'm willing, and able since I'm not busy with my own job now) is a great help. He can relax and focus on his job knowing that he has an awesome helper at home.

I might have added in the adjective there. But I'm SURE he's thinking it.

How do you help your husband?

Who Tells Us How to Dress?

This post was originally from January 20, 2009.

In attempting to answer the question, "What is feminine dress?" I had to go back in history just a little bit. Well, actually I began a few years ago with the Bible and found 1 Timothy 2:9...

"I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God."

...and 1 Peter 3:3-5...

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful."

So when I study the Bible, I conclude that my clothing should be modest and that I shouldn't be worrying myself with fancy and expensive attire. I do not believe that these verses say "thou shall not wear jewelry or braid thy hair"! This is not a command against those things mentioned---just a reminder that our beauty should not come from these things. We should be far more concerned with our inner beauty.

That's it. That's all I read.

So where does this idea to dress more femininely come from?

Well, to begin with, I truly believe God intended for there to be a difference. I spoke about that here. I also touched on it here. At no other point in history have women had to worry about "trying" to dress like women! The unisex, blending of genders concerns me.

One reason it concerns me to see men and women's roles and clothing become indistinguishable from each other is that it severely breaks down the family. The Bible speaks of the order of things in Ephesians 5:22-23 and also in 1 Corinthians 11:3. When things get too blurry between a husband's and wife's roles...the order doesn't work so well. I think the way we often dress today also encourages/enables women to behave more masculinely than ever before. And when women behave more masculinely...men sometimes behave more femininely (metrosexual anyone?)...and it all really goes against God's creation.

So, who tells us how to dress? Well, the most important source is God's Word and we have discussed that now. Tomorrow we will explore the other influences on women's clothing.

Any thoughts so far?

So, What Is Feminine?

This is a re-post. This originally posted on Jan. 20, 2009.

So, if you agree with me that God did intend men and women to be different--we were created for different purposes AND were created physically different from one another--then we have another question to answer for ourselves.

Then what is feminine? If I am not to act or dress or look or become masculine....but instead to be what God made me to be--then what does that look like?

I understand what it looks like to fulfill my role as my husband's helper. I didn't say I always DO it perfectly...just that I understand it! :) God did not intend for men and women to do exactly the same things. Does that mean I cannot change the oil in my car if it's needed? I don't believe so. Even though that is generally assumed to be a "male" task, if the oil needs changing...I'll be happy to....take it to Jiffy Lube. Being feminine does not mean to me that I sit around in a Victorian era dress, writing lovely poems with a quill pen and ink, doing needlepoint, and having perfectly smooth skin. I am my husband's helper. And ladies--there's a lot of work in that job! When Adam was sent out of the garden, God told him that with great toil he would work the land for food. Adam had just become a farmer. Although it probably wasn't Eve's primary job, I am sure she helped him at times in that labor. Just as she probably helped him by cooking the food and caring for his children and many other things.

Of course I am speculating about them. And I'm not interested in writing an entire post about wives and husbands and all that. My main point is: I was created for a different reason than my husband. We have different God-given roles. I cannot be both husband and wife. I cannot be both feminine and masculine. And yes, even though single moms have to do a LOT of both tasks--I believe they are still a woman. You don't turn into a man by doing manly things sometimes.

I have so much more to say about all this. Later today (hopefully) I will share with you what I learned in my research these last few weeks.

So far, I have made two points: God intended there to be a distinction between the sexes and feminine is different than masculine. We were intended for different purposes and I believe our dress should reflect the difference as well.

A New One on Me

I had never heard of this phrase "work spouse." I found this article both interesting and disturbing all at the same time. What do you think?

Identifying My Rocks

If you've been in the business world at all in the last decade, you've probably seen the demonstration (credit is sometimes given to Stephen Covey) of the rocks, pebbles, and sand. Our principal shared this little experiment one year before school started. Even though we were all adults, it is still amazing to watch.

For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, here is a video link using some other materials, but the concept is still the same. It's a great little experiment to do with your kids too.

But this post is not about a cool homeschool activity. This post is about me needing to find my rocks. I am so frustrated at the end of every day because it seems I never got to about 50 things on my list that I wanted to get to. To look around here at the end of the day, sometimes I want to ask myself, "What did you do all day?"

That's pretty bad.

So this demonstration came back to me today. I made a list of the most important things to get done in school with Sweetheart. If we didn't get all the way down the list, at least the important things got done. And that's exactly what happened. In order, today: Bible, spelling, handwriting (those last 2 get left off SO easily), math, then colonial times, then reading (she reads all the time anyway). I can now rest knowing that even though we didn't get everything done, we got the important stuff done.

I need to do the same thing with housework. With my spiritual life. With the things I do to help my husband. With my time in general. The point is...if I focus on the important things first, there will still be time for the other stuff. I won't be stuck doing "have to" things all day. I will get a chance to do some things I want to do.

So today I'm thinking about my rocks. What are some of yours?

For All The "Part-Time Homemakers" Out There

I just wanted to throw a word of encouragement out to those moms who find themselves wanting to be home but who...aren't.

I was thinking about you the other day. I was remembering that place I was in where I longed to be home, but had to be at work instead. My heart had changed, but my situation had not.

I remember finding the section of the Ladies Against Feminism website where people told their coming home stories. Sometimes they encouraged me. Sometimes they made me want to spit nails. I knew I would never be the one telling my story.

No matter what, no matter how impossible I believed my situation to be--I just couldn't get it out of my head that God was bigger. That it was NOT impossible with Him.

I still believed. And yes, it took time. I remember thinking, "If I just knew that it would only be 2 more months or 1 more year or whatever...I could have hope knowing that I only had a little more time to work before I would be home and then I could relax."

But faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. And I'm not here to tell my story. I've told it on this blog several times.

What I wanted to say to you is: you are already a homemaker. I know people just love to divide everyone up into little categories, one of which is: working mothers or homemakers. But I don't think it's that easy. Whether you have the whole day at home or just a few hours--you are still a homemaker. You just have less time to do it!

And I don't believe you can do it all. I never could, anyway. I still can't! So I think you are going to have to do 2 things--no, make that 3.

1. Believe that you are already a homemaker. Live it. Be it! Get yourself a lovely apron to put on when you get home. Change clothes when you get home. Put that work I.D. away. You can't deny that you do work outside the home, but you can "transform yourself" when you get home. Your family doesn't need an extension of your secretary job or whatever (I was a secretary for a while). They need a wife, a mom, a homemaker. In that order. So shed that other job when you walk in the door, if possible. And spend those 3 or 4 hours you have doing what you have been wanting to do all day.

2. You can't do it all, so prioritize. There is no way you can work full-time, or really even part-time and still be an all-around homemaker, so you are going to have to decide on a few areas to focus on. I found out a few years ago that the thing that blessed my husband the most was having his clothes ready. Washed, ironed, put away and available for him to grab and go. When he had to search for socks or iron a shirt in the morning before work he hated it. However, when I was working--he didn't care if I cooked or not. In fact, many time he said, "Let's just go out to eat so the kitchen will stay clean!" So, for me... I needed to focus on laundry and ironing in my few short hours at home. Of course there is picking up and helping kids with homework and all that stuff too. Like I said, talk to your husband and decide what things you could feasibly do in the evenings and weekends. Then, get help for the rest. Even moms who stay home have their kids doing housework! It's O.K. for them to help. In fact, it's good for them! Everything else, hire it out if you can. That's totally up to you and your husband. I'm just saying: talk about it and decide.

3. Pray. Sounds obvious, huh? I do believe that the way God intended the family to work did not involve someone else caring for the kids all day while mom and dad go their separate ways. It's too divisive of a plan! But many of us find ourselves in exactly that situation. Pray. Pray for the future that you can be home and pray for now that God will help you in the situation you are in.

That's my word of encouragement for the day!

How Did I Ever Find Time To Work?

I have a confession. I used to be one of those people who thought of stay at home moms, "What could she possibly do all day?"

I'm sorry. I didn't know, OK?

I really and truly thought that there was no way a person who did not have to get up and go to work every day could ever feel stress.

Surprise! I was wrong.

But it's better, this being home. Oh yes it is. I don't worry about the safety of my children. I don't worry how I'm going to get to them if an emergency arises. I know what they've been doing all day. I can help my husband.

But that isn't the point of this post.

The point is, I'm BUSY! I have big plans for this house and even those sicko readers who don't struggle with clutter have been very supportive of my decluttering efforts. I know I haven't snapped any pictures but that's because I haven't accomplished a whole lot. Except in my mind. I love our house and I mostly love living 3 doors down from my parents. But I must admit I daydream about moving to a smaller house with a much smaller payment. What a relief that would be in so many ways. But, that is never going to happen until we have less stuff!

So, job #1: decluttering.

I'm trying to get some sewing done lately, both for Christmas presents and to (hopefully) set up an Etsy shop. A little income is needed so I'll see what I can do to help.

So, job #2: sewing.

My beautiful 9 year old daughter is in 3rd grade this year and 3rd grade is taking a bit more out of us than 2nd grade did. We breezed through 2nd grade. I'm kind of glad we started there! She isn't finding everything in school to be "fun" anymore and that's OK. We have to do hard things sometimes. But I'm trying hard to make school wonderful. And Little Bit is off-again, on-again in her interest with school. Some days she doesn't even wander into the school room. I have to be ready for her when she does though because she'll work for 3 hours if she's interested! I really love teaching my girls at home.

So, job #3: homeschooling.

And there's cooking, meal planning, laundry, paying bills, reading to/spending time with the girls, Bible study, helping my husband, errands, ironing, etc. etc. etc.

None of these are listed in any special order. You know that, right? And no way is that a complete list. I have no idea how I managed to get up and leave for work at 6:30 every morning and still have a life.

And I am thankful every. single. day.

Keepin' It Real: Pajamas

Edited to add: Here's the pattern of my girl's nightgowns. I just wanted to show you that they aren't really frilly, but much better than what they were sleeping in! It's the one on the very right and Sweetheart's is made from white eyelet. Very pretty!

So today I took this quiz to see if I would make a good wife in the 1930's. I did surprising well on the quiz, so it must be terribly un-scientific. But some of the questions convicted me a bit.

I don't really know how it was to be a wife, mother, and homemaker during that era, but my grandmothers did. Both of my parents were born in the early to mid 3o's so I thought it was interesting to picture my grandmothers during that time of their lives. Of course, they were farm wives, so that lends itself to a different lifestyle...

What I was convicted about was the way I dress and groom myself! One question in particular "Do you wear pajamas or a nightgown to bed?" really got to me. Let me explain.

A few months ago I looked at my dear daughters and decided we could do better in the bedtime attire department. Sweetheart usually slept in an over sized t-shirt and shorts. Little Bit actually had pajamas only because she gets hand-me-downs from 3 other children in the family. But all the pajamas were shorts and shirts sets. Wait a minute, I thought, don't I have daughters???? I decided establishing these habits in my children was not really doing any favors for my future sons-in-law. I don't want my beautiful little girls still scrounging around in big hand-me-down t-shirts at bedtime when they are grown, so why are we doing it now?

So I asked my mom to sew Sweetheart a nightgown since we couldn't seem to find any at the stores. In fact, all I could find was pajama pants with a little tank top with spaghetti straps. She also used some fabric she already had to make a gown for Little Bit. They are so beautiful in them! I braided Sweetheart's hair before bed each night and thought I was doing a great thing.

They looked so sweet!

And now I took that quiz and realized I kind of forgot one thing. I am being a HORRIBLE example to my children on how to dress for bed. I'm sorry to say that last night I slept in pajama capri pants with a drawstring from Old Navy circa 2000 and an old white t-shirt. Lovely. And that is one of my better nights. I all too often dive into my husband's dresser drawers and come up with a big fishing t-shirt to sleep in. Gorgeous.

Not only do I suddenly feel sorry for my husband (and have a great desire to go shopping), but I realize what a horrible example I'm being. I want my girls to be lovely and feminine, but mama is not wearing any skirts except on Sunday mornings. I know, my excuse is I don't have any everyday skirts that fit me. And I don't. But don't ask me how much time I've spent looking for any lately! And mama is going to bed in daddy's old t-shirts, so why should they wear a nightgown?

OK--here's where the Keepin' It Real part comes in. No Mr. Linky today--just leave your say in the comments section. What do you wear to bed? Have you made a conscious change in that department during your lifetime? Tell me about your pajamas--and your kids' too if you like! And if you sleep naked--you are excluded from this conversation. ;-)

A Camping We Will Go

Our living room is full of plastic tubs waiting to be loaded up this weekend. It's time for our big vacation of the summer and we are so excited! At least the girls and I are--S has hardly had time to think about camping he's been so busy at work. That means that I have packed us for our excursion. Should be interesting!

We are going with another family, the same family we are beginning the church with. Come to think of it, our entire church will be camping together this weekend. How many people can say that?

S especially deserves this break. He's been working 12-14 hour days for what seems like forever. It will be nice to get to know him again! We are both taking along some books to read. He'll be reading this and I'll be attempting to read this. We have to do something to help control the twitching from having no laptop for 3 days!

Speaking of twitching, Little Bit is pretty excited and her tics have escalated some, but they aren't too bad. With Tourette's, anything stressful, scary, exciting, etc can cause an increase in tics. This week she's been tucking her chin to her chest, spreading her fingers out and holding her hands in front of her with the thumbs touching and looking at her hands (kind of hard to explain that one--it's actually a quick movement) and huffing. It sounds like she's just exhaling hard in bursts of 4 or 5 breaths. We are so used to her tics they usually don't bother us. I do wonder sometimes if they are noticeable to others. It's just her.

Have I told you how much I'm loving http://www.hulu.com/? There is one show that I watch and love. However, it's not entirely child-friendly and comes on while the girls are still awake. No problem. I just watch the show a week behind on Hulu every week---without all the long commercial breaks! What did I ever do without it? Can you tell we don't have TIVO?

And I just want to say, for no reason other than it is interesting to me, that I have 2 posts which receive hit after hit on search engines on this blog. They are this one and this one. Every single week someone googles something along the lines of "who comes first mother or wife?" or "mother comes before husband" or something like that. Obviously the order of the family is confused in our society--no shock. The other thing that gets searched all the time is "how to be a homemaker" or "homemaking skills" or "professional homemaker". Interesting...do you suppose a lot of women are as lost as I am on this whole "be groomed your whole life for career and then find yourself at home" thing?

Last of all, as my FIRL Katherine alluded to in the comments of the last post....I perhaps have not been entirely open about my nerdiness. There are certain things I am very particular about and making lists/plans is one of them. Not lesson plans, mind you....that's too mundane. But when I get excited about a project, I really get into it. Most of the time, my plans go way beyond my actual achievement level, but no matter. Lately I've been thinking of things we can do at home this summer and I intend to provide you with that completely anal/OCD-like list next week. For your viewing pleasure.

You're welcome.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Nothing

I am convinced more every day that there is nothing....absolutely nothing...more important for us as wives and mothers to invest in....nothing more important that we could invest in than our home and family.

No ministry.
No job.
No outside commitment.
No volunteer work.

Nothing.

The future of our children in God's kingdom depends on it. Our family's happiness hangs there. Our marriages are nurtured there. I know people who don't even want to be home. Who don't even want to be with their own spouse.

So I am choosing to invest in my home and family. Not just stay home. Not just be a homeschool mom. Not just clean house. Not just go through the motions of all the wonderful things there are to do.

I will invest in this place and these people for the kingdom of God.

I think I will start now.

Homemaker: The Kitchen

If you asked me what one things was the worst about my house I would say it is how it just never stays picked up. I could remove clutter all day. I could bark at my kids all day to pick up what they just sat down. It wouldn't matter. Stuff just collects here. It likes us. That gets to me more than anything.

But I chose to start in the kitchen with our homemaking series because it can bring such peace when it gets under control. (or so I hear!) Food...meals, snacks...and the planning, preparing, purchasing and cleaning up of...takes up huge amounts of time. Now I'm not complaining. I understand that I have a gas stove and oven and microwave and coffee pot and waffle iron and crock pot and....I know I am blessed. Some women are still cooking over an open fire. So if I have so many modern conveniences then why isn't my kitchen in better order?

Now wives, I think we can all agree that there is some merit to the saying about the way to a man's heart. Did you have a mom who prepared special treats for you when you got home from school? Did someone fix your favorite meal for your birthday growing up? Food can be such a special thing we do for someone. Remember that if your husband is gone all day at work what a joy it could be to come home to specially prepared meals. How wonderful it can be for your children to wake up to the smell of a special breakfast on Saturday morning. We really should look at our kitchens as a place of blessing--to others.

Currently, I tend to look at my kitchen as a place of work. I see it and think "chore." This week, let's try to change our attitudes about our kitchens. Imagine all the ways you can bless your family and others through that one little room in your house. Remember all the ways someone else's kitchen has blessed you. A meal brought over after the birth of a baby. A cake for a special occasion. A dish brought when a loved one passed away. A plate of left-overs sent home when you had very little in your refrigerator.

How can you bless others with your kitchen? Add this one to your prayers this week: that God would change our attitudes about our kitchens. Rather than viewing the many jobs in there as tedious, boring tasks that we have to do, let's begin to think of the wonderful ways we can use our kitchens to honor God.

I think that's a pretty good place to start, don't you?

Homemaker: It Can't Be Time for Lunch, We Just Ate!

I know I am not alone in my efforts to become a homemaker in my mid-30's. Many of us got a late start. I am the product of the generation who grew up answering the question: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Trouble is...no one told us that no matter what you want to be when you grow up....you will have to live somewhere. You will probably have a family to care for.

Well, something is going on because every, single week I get at least 2 visitors to my blog via Google searches about homemaking. This week one of the searches was actually "teach me to be a homemaker." Google searcher, whoever you are...I hear ya. I hope you found better advice than this blog too! The point is, there are obviously a lot of women yearning for, feeling pulled toward, or at least wondering about this job of homemaker.

Here at The Family Revised, we are going to be discovering and learning together about all the different aspects to this role we have been blessed with by God. (See Titus 2) I'd like to start with the thing that seems to take up huge chunks of my day...food.

I was not prepared for how much time goes into planning, purchasing, preparing, (I need a "P" word here....oh well.), eating, and cleaning up from meals. Probably because I have very rarely been responsible for feeding my family 3 meals a day. From the time we got married, I ate my own breakfast (S rarely eats in the morning), we each ate at work, and then I fixed supper. Or, you know, went to a restaurant. Whichever. Fast forward a bit. Little Bit ate breakfast at day care, the girls ate lunch at school/day care, and we ate supper at home. Or...well, you know.

If I had been a homemaker from day one, I have no doubt I would be better at this by now. So this week we will be spending some time talking about the heart of our homes...the kitchen. I'm looking forward to it!

The List

I really don't want to write this post. Let me just say that right up front. But I was realizing how far away I now am from this and thought it might help someone if I share.

(Big breath.)

I used to keep a running list in my head. My list had two columns. The first column was entitled: Things I Do Around Here. The second column was called: Things He Does Around Here. Needless to say, my column was always pages and pages longer than my husband's. I mentally went over that list in my head whenever I was doing stuff around the house--all the while telling myself how unfair it was that I worked all day (outside of the home) just like he did, and yet here I was doing ALL this stuff. I'll tell you, keeping that list going kept me in a near-constant state of being ticked off at my husband.

What a way to live.

I don't really know when I stopped doing that. I suspect it had something to do with reading Debi Pearl's book. I was convicted and my eyes were opened. I finally knew what being a godly wife meant. Things changed.

Scripture says, "Love...keeps no record of wrongs." (1 Corinthians 13:4-5) Wives, our submission and respect and love to our husbands is NOT dependent upon their deserving it. I am positive that S was not being as bad of a husband as I had convinced myself he was. But it wouldn't matter anyway. The Bible does not give us an "out" on our part of the deal just because our husband isn't living up to our expectations.

My mind truly has been renewed and transformed. I happily do (most) tasks around the house now--it isn't even a struggle. I'm not tempted to compare "who is doing more" at all. I see opportunities to serve and help instead of a bunch of things I HAVE to do because no one else will do them. I am so thankful to not be living like that anymore. There is joy and peace in doing things God's way. Turns out...God's way works A LOT better than the world's way.

Can I get an Amen?