Who's Ready For A Change?

I want to homeschool our children. (Did you hear the gasp coming from my friends?) I have spoken against homeschooling for most of my adult life. I knew some really bad examples of "homeschooling" where very little schooling went on. Terrible examples. Plus, I worked in a really great elementary school for an awesome Christian principal. I thought it was stupid to pull your kids out of school and keep them home. Just look at what all we had to offer at school! I think there's a saying about ignorant people should keep their mouths shut. What did I know?

I know a lot of teachers who disagree with home schooling. Maybe it's because we get those "failed attempts" back in our classrooms a few years later where they are lagging dreadfully behind grade level and at a loss in the social skills department to boot. The awesome, successful families never come into contact with us in public school, so we don't get to see the good side very much.

Last summer I decided I better read up on homeschooling. After all, what if we became missionaries one day and I HAD to homeschool our children? So, I checked a book out of the library and read it. It completely changed my mind. Or maybe I should say God changed my mind. After that book, I really got into it. I researched and read every thing I could get my hands on about homeschooling. Especially homeschooling from a Christian point of view. And I've been itching to try it.

We haven't been too thrilled with our older daughter's school experiences so far anyway. Kindergarten was good purely because of her teachers. Other than that, I had a lot of concerns with how things were being done. And we've had a lot of concerns ever since. So, it's easy to imagine how wonderful it would be when we get to be in charge of her education. I'm still praying for that day to come about, but until then I will do what I can when she is with me.

It's also scary and daunting to think about being in charge of her learning. But it's scary in an exciting sort of way. I have no doubt the whole thing would be a great success because God would be in control every step of the way. I want so much for my girls that I don't believe will happen if they are away from me 7-8 hours a day.

Tonight I'm specifically thinking, "How are WE qualified to homeschool our children?" Well, here's what we have to offer:

1. My husband plays the guitar. (Music)
2. We can both type and have pretty fair computer skills-he more than me.
3. I am a fair cook (measuring, home ec.)
4. My husband is very mechanical.
5. I love to read and write.
6. My husband is good at math.
7. I am good at making things hands-on.
8. My husband has a lot of experience with public speaking.
9. I've been a teacher.

Oh, there's more I'm sure, but that's just what I can think of off the top of my head. The main thing about teaching our girls at home for me is not the myriad of skills we can impart on them, but the emphasis of our day.
If I were homeschooling them, we would start and end the day with God's word. Bible would come first around here! I am so intrigued by people who use the Bible as their curriculum and textbook. I think I need a little more structure than that, but I appreciate the idea. Handwriting? Have them copy a scripture each day. Public speaking? Stand and recite a Proverb each evening. There are so many ways to use the Bible in our children's education. But the main thing for me is they would learn God's word each day. The other appealing thing is the time we would gain. Schooling need not take 7-8 hours of sitting and working. I wish my daughter didn't have to sit at her desk all day doing work that her teacher will hardly glance over. I want her to learn and do and get done. Then, I want her to learn other things--how to cook, how to sew. I want her to have time to play, time to read, time to do the things she is interested in. I want time to talk with her. Instead of 7-8 hours of school, 30 minutes of TV/snack, an hour of homework, dinner, a little play, bath, bed. Every day. Every, every day.

I'm ready for a change. I'm ready to do the work of parenting and training full time. With God's help, of course!

In Which Spring Break is the Middle (for some)

Well, since we got such a late start on our school year (Dad in the hospital most all summer, his funeral, recovery from that) and started after Labor Day, we are JUST NOW half-way through with the school year. Well, Little Bit is anyway. She would be a little further but we accomplished exactly one week of school before her tics reared their ugly head.

We went to a psychologist for the first time for her a few weeks ago. She's seen a neurologist twice, but the neurologist heard she had been dealing with anxiety and said the psychologist could help with that as well as the Tourette Syndrome. I was very unimpressed with the clinic, but the doctor herself was great. She said she would give grief at least a year before she would worry about treating the anxiety (which has since gone away) so that was reassuring.

Climbing on the rhino that sticks out of the building at the zoo.

The other good news is Little Bit will being doing some training this summer to learn a method which the name escapes me right now but basically it is learning to re-train the brain to ignore the tics. She said we will have to go to about 6 sessions, with homework and then we should be good. That is good news as well.

While we were at the psychologist's office, we got into a brief discussion about Sweetheart and her ADD. We had tried meds last year but they didn't work. I was telling the doctor how the doc who prescribed the meds wouldn't put her on a stimulant due to her sister having TS. She said that was ridiculous and she absolutely could have stimulants. So....to medicate or not to medicate?

OK, maybe Sweetheart can help Little Bit.

Well, earlier this week Sweetheart was going to make mac-n-cheese to go with our supper. She messed up and put the milk, butter, and noodles all in the boiling water. OK. Read the directions, slow down and think about what you are doing. Certainly not her first time to make mac-n-cheese! Then she messed it up again! That's two boxes of food down the drain if you are keeping count. The next day she messed up something else she was cooking. I made it for her the next time. That's five boxes of food we went through for 2 side dishes. She's 16 and she's pretty comfortable in the kitchen. She can make a lot of things. This really concerned me. For goodness sake one day this child may need to feed herself! If she can't even concentrate long enough to make something as simple as noodles, that's a problem! Not to mention how behind in school she is or how long it takes her to get something done. Not to mention her room.

SERIOUSLY I'm not going to mention those things!!!!!

They aren't good for my blood pressure.

Hang on, Bee. You seem to be backwards.

For now I shall concentrate on the fact that my 6th grader is half-way through with school. And I will rejoice in that.
We're gonna give "year round school" a whole new meaning this year, that's for sure.

Whew. There were about 25 other pictures in this series. They crack me up.

The Real Reason for the Delay

One of the main reasons we are not starting school in early to mid August like we usually do, is that we have had a really hard summer. 

About the middle of June my dad started feeling really badly. He was getting off of steroids (which he was on to help keep his blood sugar up as his cancerous spots produced too much insulin. It started as a very rare cancer on the the tail of his pancreas 14 years ago. That was surgically removed but spots had moved to his liver and one on his lung--and they produced insulin willy nilly. The spots were so small he wasn't even being treated for them at the time.) Anyway, he said he felt just awful--awful and tired just like when he had been on chemo. 

One Sunday night my phone rang at 11:46 and it was my mom. Never a good thing to see on your phone. She said Daddy had fallen and was bleeding badly and she needed help getting him up. S got dressed and ran down the street to help. It seems Daddy's blood sugar had gotten low and he had passed out in the bathroom. That had happened 3-4 or possibly more other times before. This time he scraped his arm and hand up really badly. His skin is so thin it just really tore his arm up. And being on blood thinners didn't help. So S ended up taking Mom and Dad to the ER. He finally came on home around 6:00am to get ready for work. Dad called a few minutes later and said he was being released so I went to pick them up from the ER at 6:30am. Dad's arm and hand continued to bleed and seep through all the bandages that day and on Tuesday morning I took him to his primary care doctor. He hadn't been to this doctor in 12 years come to find out, in spite of being a patient there since the early 60s. All his needs had been taken care of at M.D. Anderson. I mean, he saw doctors all the time! Anyway, they couldn't believe the wound he had but they got it all cleaned up and the dressing changed. At the last minute the P.A. said he would like to get some blood work on Dad. He had very recently had blood work done with his cancer doctor, but we went by the lab and then home. 

About 30 minutes after we got home, the P.A. called me to tell me that Dad needed to go straight to the ER as his sodium levels in his blood were dangerously low. Also his potassium was low. He had already called Dad. Very critical levels are 110. Dad's was 111. No WONDER he had been feeling so crappy! So the girls and I loaded up and went down the street to get Mom and Dad, who were already packing for the hospital. The P.A. said it would take several days to bring up his sodium levels as it has to be done slowly so they were packing for a long(ish) stay. We dropped them off at the hospital at noon, a day and a half after he had fallen. 

Dad spent 9 days in the hospital. He developed (or possibly already had?) a blood infection during that time. Then he started to get pneumonia. He was transferred to a long term care facility and went straight to ICU. The girls and I had been to see him or at least Facetimed with him every single day he was in the hospital until he was moved. He ended up being in the long term care facility at least a month. During that time he got put on a ventilator. We didn't take the girls to see him during that time. I know he missed them. He was so, so sick. Then the day came when he got off the vent and things were really looking up! So I immediately took them. He smiled at them and held their hands. He tried to talk but couldn't yet. His voice was just a raspy whisper. Then he started to go downhill and got worse.

Even though we knew he was doing badly, it still came as a surprise when Mom called me at 4:00am to tell me he had passed away. She was there at the hospital alone with him, of course, when it happened. She had been at the hospital night and day for 5 1/2 weeks. My sisters and I all rushed to be with her. Later that morning when I got home, we gathered the girls and S told them what happened. 

We weren't really sure Bee would understand but half way through the conversation she clued in and asked, "So Grandpa is never coming home?" And then she just buried her face in her hands and cried. Oh poor baby just broke my heart. 

My mom and Dad at his 80th birthday a couple of years ago.

We all made it through the funeral planning, the funeral, the out-of-town trip to the trailer (without Grandpa--which was weird) to bury him...all of it. We made it through all of it. We've had my mom over to eat dinner most nights since. My Dad did all the cooking. My Dad did all the grocery shopping. We've taken Mom to do that too. The girls have spent most of their summer running back and forth to the hospital, riding along to take Grandma places, helping take care of things at Grandma and Grandpa's house, and not having a whole lot of fun. Although, since my sister was coming more often they did get to see a LOT of the cousins this summer. That was good. 

So we feel like we are just now (in August) getting a summer break. Sweetheart wasn't actually through with History or Math but I called it. We're done. So this is the first time we've had a break from school too. 

Bee has cried a lot. She's asked 10,000 questions. She tells me several times a day she misses Grandpa. Little Bit has had some anxiety and sadness that she says she doesn't know why but....and Sweetheart has seemingly handled it really well. But she's older. Anyway, we are all still healing and getting used to not having him around. Little Bit caught a fish the other night and I was snapping a picture the first thought I had was, "Wait until Grandpa sees this!" It's been a hard, hard summer. 

9th Grade Was Not Our Favorite

That one time I blogged last year (ha!) I mentioned that I had taken Sweetheart to a doctor to be evaluated for ADD. I had done my homework and was sure this was the diagnosis. They agreed and in 20 minutes of meeting this doctor I had a prescription for hard core drugs for my kid. Easy peasy!

Sweetheart at the symphony this last year.

I went home and looked up the side effects and S and I chickened out. But her year was still limping along in a wounded sort of way. She wasn't making it. In spite of all the effort we were putting in, she wasn't making it--in school or other areas. Everything was lost all the time, she was beyond frustrated. She truly couldn't complete a school day in a....you know...school day. No way. And try setting up a "distraction free environment" when one sister is 2 and the other one has tics. Go ahead and try. Oh...but do it in 1500 sq. feet. 

In the spring an old friend came to visit with us and my parents up at my mom and dad's little country home. She mentioned that both she and her daughter were on medication for ADHD. She gave me a lot of insight into how her own brain worked and why she finally decided as an adult she needed medication. S and I talked about it some more and decided we needed to try medication. We needed to know we had tried everything to help our daughter. 

So we visited another clinic. The doctor agreed easily with the ADD consensus. He also listened to my concerns about stimulants. Sweetheart doesn't have an extra pound on her body and she eats all day long (I donated my metabolism to her at birth--wasn't that nice of me?). We really didn't want her on a medication that would take away her appetite. He agreed. Also, she's already pretty "picky"--picking at her lips, her face, her nails, all day long AND has a sister with Tourette Syndrome, so--he agreed stimulants would not be a good idea. 

But there is one medicine for ADD that is not a stimulant. Problem? Sweetheart couldn't swallow pills. So after a few weeks learning to do that, we began the medicine, which increases in strength gradually over the month. 

It did nothing. She might as well have kept swallowing those Tic Tacs we practiced on. 

Another visit to the clinic. Maybe they can increase the dosage? Maybe there is another one to try?
No and no. The next dosage up is for someone who weighs 150 pounds. And you can't split the pills. The other option is actually a medicine that lowers your blood pressure. Yikes. No thanks. 

So we closed the door on the medicine option. We tried. 

Now I have a huge list of ideas I pinned and looked up of things we can try to help her. As George Harrison said. 

Yes George. It's gonna take time and money. 

Sweetheart having a battle with Bee. She's such an awesome big sister. 

The list includes essential oils (which we've already tried topically)
a diffuser
a timer (got it already)
some supplements (need more research)
diet changes
full spectrum lighting
music (got one--want to add to the collection)
and exercise (got an exercise bike)

Anything you would add? Anyone else dealing with ADD/ADHD? I'm determined that ADD will not ruin 10th grade for us!

One last thing about Sweetheart: the year before last, she was diagnosed with Scheuermann's Kyphosis. She completed 6 months of physical therapy to help with that. It did help, but we have to keep having her do stretches and exercises to keep her back from getting worse. Probably her spine is set in place and she's nearly through growing, so they won't help forever, but will keep her muscles from getting tight again. She hasn't had any pain since starting PT so that's good. 

Before and after x-rays of Sweetheart's back. She said she thought she was standing up straight in the first one.
These are 6 months apart.

Well, that pretty much catches you up on the challenges Sweetheart has faced lately. She's a happy kid. She does a lot of things well. She's a great sister. I don't mean for this post to encompass who she is at all. Just sharing some parenting challenges we're facing with her. Just like anyone else. 

In Which We Try to Undo Sloppy Habits

Yesterday I was asking and wondering about instilling good character qualities in our children. I posted on a Facebook group I am in about what resources there are to use for character training. Boy, I got a lot of responses! I'm going to be going through those and posting the ones I find interesting on here a bit later. As soon as I have time to look up all the links. Sounds like a good summer school study, don't you think? I could incorporate reading (books and stories about characters with good...um...character), possibly writing, and maybe even some good old movie watching could be involved.

We rode the ferry Saturday. Free and fun!

S and I talked about this over the weekend. He and I were trying to remember when we started to "take over" doing things of our own initiative. It was hard to remember. The reason? Because we did things because we had to do them. There was no choice. You came home from school, you got a snack and immediately started on homework. You did the dishes after supper and when everything was done, your time was your own. For him, that meant going outside to play basketball. He was motivated to get finished with his responsibilities before it was pitch black outside.

So we decided that's how things needed to be around here. Playing will happen when you are done with everything else. Now we did take recess yesterday at 10am like we are supposed to. The girls and I all went on a 30 minute bike ride. So it's not like they didn't get a break.

Bee was really excited to be on a boat. Little Bit loved watching the birds. 

Before breakfast I expected them to be up, dressed, hair fixed, and bed made. And their pajamas put away. They were already frustrated with me before we even ate. Then, before school they had to clean up their breakfast, brush their teeth and have anything else done that needed doing. It made the whole day run smoother. 

I know you're thinking....Brenda...this is not revolutionary news. I agree. I was trying to think how we even got into sloppy habits like the girls not making their beds in the mornings. I always make our bed. I always had to make my bed before school growing up.

Did a little rearranging this weekend. Surprised? Now Little Bit has her own desk. She's happy. She has to have things neat.

I believe it began with a pregnancy test. That year I was pregnant with Baby Bee...whew! Mama was tired. We did the basics. Then, of course, I had a newborn. The girls had to be pretty independent for a while there. They got breakfast themselves, they took breaks when they wanted to (I was sleeping or busy with a baby so I didn't fuss). All that to say, I think they slipped into some sloppy habits over the last few years.

So I am staying on them about picking up after themselves at every turn. I will insist responsibilities be finished before playtime. They're going to love me.

Now everyone has somewhere to work. 

This girl sits across from me now. 

But I think it will go a long way towards them looking like responsible people. And perhaps those habits are what turn you into a responsible person down the road?

The Summer So Far

First a note about the blog:

I'm so sorry, blog world. I really miss you. I do. And I miss the readers I used to have which I'm sure have mostly gone away now. 

At one time I had a kind of little bit of a well read blog. Sort of. I was happy. I got comments. We interacted. I read ya'll's blogs. It was a fun little community. 

But I do not dare walk away because this is where I have documented our lives and especially our homeschool for the last what? 6 years? 

Speaking of which, it scares me to think that Blogger could just go away one day and bye-bye blog. I know you can get blog books made (cha ching!). I know you can self-host. (ack!) What should I do to ensure that I have these memories? Start printing? Suggestions?

____________________________________

We have been doing summer school three times a week. We are mainly doing math and language arts. Really we're just trying to get a jump start on the things that fell through the cracks last year. And keep going with math, which is never-ending. The girls have complained a little, but even they realize that an hour or 2 three times a week is not a big deal.

But we are oh so excited about next year! I've been planning and planning. I've had to make myself stop last week. I will resume getting ready for next year when we return from....

our first ever family vacation!!!

Yes folks, I am so excited! Wednesday is our 20th anniversary and so soon we are loading up the family and taking off on a road trip for a week. S has NEVER taken a whole week off of work to my knowledge. So I'm spending my time until then getting the house in order (I even tackled the inside of Little Bit and Bee's closet) and packing, etc. Then when we return, I will resume next year's school planning. 

Nothing but fun in my future! (I love planning.) 

We have had a little bit of fun this summer. I was kind of thinking how we hadn't done many fun things for the bigger girls but I looked back at our calendar and realized we had done some things. It would be better if we had other people to go do things with. Sister came over with her girls once and we all went to the splash pad. Those kind of things are much more fun with friends (or cousins). Our church had a swim party on the 4th of July. That was fun. Um.....

Well, we're going on vacation so there's always that!!

Gee whiz. Mama needs to get out more! It's raining this week so swimming is out. We're going to the library today but that really doesn't hold the promise it did when they were little. What do you do with big kids in the hot summer? Maybe other people stay at home a lot too. Maybe Facebook just makes it look like everyone else is out having fun except us. Maybe. 

OK. Some pictures to share:

My parents have been going to the mall to walk early every morning. We joined them one morning but there are WAY too many of these stupid things all around the mall. There was a lot of crying until we finally stopped. The mall is dead to me. 

Splash pad.

Mrs. Carrie had an American Girl party to watch the new Saige movie. 

Sweetheart got rid of her toys this summer.

The girls have helped a lot with Bee. It's getting harder. She's big!

We tried Kool-aid dye.

It's Friday!

Love on your people this weekend!

 

 

Take your car for a spin.

Enjoy some time outside (maybe...brr!)

 

And whatever you do, don't get in trouble!

Have a great weekend!

So When They Ask Me, I'll Remember

**Thanks, everyone, for the comments on my last post!

I've asked several older women about their younger years as a mom. I've asked them "how did you manage when your kids were little?" and questions like that.

They have all given me similar answers:

I have no idea.
Those years were a blur.
I honestly don't remember.

Well. I want to remember how I handled life and what we were doing when I had 3 at home. So today I thought I'd track our day. It was work. But now I've got it for posterity's sake. Can't say this is a "typical" day...but it was a day.

7:30  Wake up. I usually wake up at 6:45, but S got up early and it threw me off. Oh well. Lay in bed and check e-mail, Facebook, etc. Rather, lay in bed and squint at screen because I don't have my glasses.

7:45 get up and feed Baby Bee in the recliner.

8:00 get the roast going in the crock pot, make breakfast (canned biscuits, oatmeal, and green smoothies). What is that smell? Take out trash in kitchen. Oh. Its actually the burnt sweet potato that dripped in the oven yesterday. Nothing like sweet potato biscuits. Put stamps on bills and mail them.

--girls are dressing Bee during all this.

8:30 Sweetheart out of shower and getting dressed. Little Bit playing. Bee is in high chair. Oatmeal is cooling. Biscuits are baking.

Eat breakfast. Have pep talk with girls about Dad's declaration that the weekends are for FUN and the house shall be clean by Friday evening with groceries bought and errands run. Discuss picking things up as we go and how little things add up. Girls leave table immaculately clean.

8:50 My turn in the shower. Sweetheart finishing breakfast and taking care of baby. One of the perks of having olders and baby at same time.

9:10 I'm out and dressed. Bee is ready to nurse. Little Bit is playing school with her dolls. Wants preschool workbook. I remember preschool computer games. Find CD and direct girls how to install it while nursing. It works. Can't believe it--it's from 2002.

9:30 Start school.

10:25 Bee falls asleep in my lap during reading.

10:35 Sent Little Bit for play break while I work on reading questions with Sweetheart. She does not remember what she read. I send her teary-eyed back to re-read. Note to self: girls need to go to bed earlier tonight.

11:10 Bee wakes up. Time for math--both girls at once. Otherwise known as suicide.

12:15 Sweetheart is half done with math. Little Bit all done. Play break for all!
Bee plays in her bed while I clean out her drawers. I notice Sweetheart never made her bed which was huge part of our pep talk at breakfast. Sigh.

12:35 Lunch. Leftovers from restaurant for Little Bit, leftover hot dogs for Sweetheart and me, sweet potato and applesauce for Bee. Work on trying to get Bee to use her left hand to pick up cereal. Girls are cheering for right hand. Suckers.

1:10 It stopped raining. Outside to ride bikes because Mama has been thinking Sweetheart needs more exercise.

1:20 Down to Grandpa's house to see if he can raise Little Bit's seat and handlebars. He does, after much searching for the right sized Allen wrench which we find in S's toolbox. Now she can keep this bike a while longer.

Girls ride through rain puddles and get very wet. Bee is at Grandma's playing with her in the floor.

1:45 Back inside for more school. Time for Bee's nap. First, girls must change wet clothes.

2:15 Finish feeding Bee and lay her down in her bed.

2:40 Finish reading and history with Little Bit. Sweetheart finishes piano.

Switch laundry.

2:45 Spelling with Little Bit. Sweetheart working independently.

2:50 Done with school for Little Bit and she is in tears and doesn't know why. Remind self children need to go to bed early tonight. Baby still sleeping. Sweetheart still working. I clean part of kitchen.

3:00 Decide to get read-aloud done while Bee is sleeping.

3:55 Finish reading (we are behind so we read a long time). Finish kitchen. Sweetheart finishes school.

4:05 Bee wakes up. Little Bit practices piano. Sweetheart still finishing school. We didn't finish all the subjects but we seem to have run out of day. Oh well. Tomorrow.

4:20 Bee is finished eating (again). Clean off our bed of all the stacks I made while cleaning Bee's drawers. Finish drawers.

4:30 Girls have abandoned baby to go play. Hear her fuss because she is alone in room. Go sit and play with her.

4:45 Go check on neighbor who is 80, a widow, and has an infected tooth. I worry when I don't see her car move for a day or so. She invites us in. It's a marvelous, breakable, fancy Christmas wonderland in her house. My children are in awe. Little Bit is scared of the dogs though and shakes for several minutes even after neighbor puts them out.

5:05 Home to pick up living room. Contact senator about UN treaty.

5:20 Sister is here. She eats with us every Monday night. She plays with Bee while I peel potatoes for dinner.

And that's it. S got home at 6:20 and we all ate and well...you know how the evenings are. The girls didn't get into bed particularly early, but hopefully they will sleep well and be less teary tomorrow.

Also I think I've figured out why the housework doesn't get done.

And why it can all turn into a blur if we don't slow down and enjoy it.

The Myth of Independence

I recently turned down an invitation for a birthday party and sleepover for Sweetheart. It was for one of her oldest friends, but a friend we don't see very often anymore. I guess that's mostly because this friend goes to public school and everyone just gets so busy.

After I said she couldn't go, I felt bad. I have to tell Sweetheart today that she was invited but isn't going. I have to explain why---well, I don't HAVE to, but I will. How do you explain to a 12 year old all the complex reasons that her Dad and I understand, but she likely will not?

It hurts to do things differently than others. I know so many children Sweetheart's age who go and do tons of stuff apart from their family. It seems in other families that by this age, really...she "should be" more independent.

But we are a family. We are her parents. WE are responsible for her. WE are called to teach, protect, and raise her. I know that doesn't mean she can't ever leave our presence! But it does mean we must use wisdom in who we let her spend time with, where we let her go, and how much we let her be away from the rest of her family.

My beautiful Bee--photographed by H-Mama. 

The problem is, I don't buy this whole "independence thing."

I first ran across this when Sweetheart was 8 (our first year of homeschooling) and she was in a homeschool Girl Scout troop. Overall it was a good experience. But then I found out that the end of year camping trip was one which parents were most assuredly NOT invited. I wasn't comfortable letting my 8 year old go an hour or 2 away from home with only a few adults who I didn't know all that well in charge. So I volunteered mid-year to be a leader. It was a pain in the neck, but it allowed me to go on the camping trip with them. The camping trip where 20-30 little girls slept in a cabin all by themselves in 30 degree weather. (And the older girls were in cabins by themselves too.) The adults all slept in a separate cabin.

That was all fine, but it was the explanation I received from one of the leaders that concerned me. 

"Parents aren't allowed to go camping with them because our goal is for them to learn 

to be independent of their parents." 

Hmm. See? That's wasn't one of our parenting goals. Don't get me wrong--I understand that one day our daughters will grow up and move out. They may get married. They will not live with us forever. I know this. But is independence the goal? 

Little Bit and Sweetheart enjoying the water.

A friend posted on Facebook the other day about her baby still waking up several times a night. Of course everyone was telling her in the comments to let the child cry it out. One of her friends said, "It's the first step to teaching them independence." Really? A 9 month old baby needs to start learning independence? 

Even if you think a baby doesn't need to learn it, most people think at some point a child needs to. I know many people think that a girl needs to be on her own a few years before settling down. She needs to go to college. Get her own apartment. Have a career. Go on trips. I don't know what they think. But I would be perfectly happy for my girls to go straight from our house to their husband's home. I went to college. I had an apartment. It was kind of lonely. I felt unprotected, honestly. I was homesick. 

Now this isn't to say that we will have our thumb on them until they walk down the aisle. A child can remain living in their parents' home AND have a job, go to college, etc. They can live as a young adult in our home, and still be a part of this family. I have visions of Sweetheart attending college, and then also helping with the dishes after supper. Not because she'll get grounded if she doesn't (!) but because helping with the dishes is something you DO when you are part of a family. 

And then when/if our daughters get married, they will be a part of a new family with their husbands. They will be a part of a church family. I don't see a whole lot of "independence" in the life of a Christian. We have fellowship with one another. We are called to be part of a family. 

Does this mean it is wrong for a child to move out on their own? Well, I think the answer might be different for boys and girls. Call me sexist, it's what I think. But no, I do not believe it is wrong for a girl to move out of her parent's home. I just feel it isn't all that necessary most of the time and certainly not imperative. 

So the question is, how to raise daughters who do not grow up believing their rights are being violated. How to keep their hearts from rebellion. How to keep them from feeling hurt/left out by our decisions that go against what we see around us. It's much easier when you have like-minded families around. I have several friends who I know would have turned down this same birthday invitation had it been for their daughter. I don't feel crazy--I'm just worried about how our girls will feel the more our path seems to deviate from the norm. 

The thing is...this birthday could just as easily be celebrated with families. That's how I hope for my girls' parties to be--families coming together to celebrate. Isn't that how it would have been done a really long time ago? When did things change? When did 12 year old girls start being independent from their families? Is that healthy?

Your thoughts?

The Plan for Summer Fun

So. I was looking on Pinterest at all the summer fun ideas I pinned weeks ago. There are tons of lists like "100 Free Things to Do This Summer", etc. When I actually started reading the lists, it made me sad. There were SO many things on there that Sweetheart has just flat outgrown. Gone are the fun days we had several years ago with our Summer Theme-A-Weeks.

Pirate Little Bit, age 4. Sniff. 

Sweetheart, age 8, after our Pirate treasure hunt. Sniff. 

The girls with their cousins acting out Goldilocks and the 3 Bears. Sniff. Sniff. 

Oh it makes me sad. No more playing dress up, or blowing bubbles, or wading pools or sidewalk chalk being enough to keep them happy and entertained. And I also had a memory. When the girls were little and we had our very first ever costume day, I remember standing there watching the girls doing an impromptu rain dance...

 and I vividly remember saying to Sister, "You know, when the little girls are the age of the big girls (8), the big girls will be 12 and they won't want to do stuff like this anymore."

We're there. 

But instead of sitting around being very sad, I thought and thought about how to redeem the summer. There MUST be something fun that a 12 year old and an 8 year old can do together. I mean, the 8 year old deserves to have fun. It's not her fault she has a fuddy-duddy older sister! (Just kidding. Sweetheart actually still plays a lot. But she isn't "little" anymore and I have to respect that too.) And it's not their fault there is a newborn in the house keeping us from doing a lot of running around town.

My answer?

ART!

I knew they would both enjoy art projects and I even thought of a way to make it a "theme" for Little Bit. Who is, after all, only 8. Let's say I chose "ballerinas" as the theme. Well, we do ballerina art projects (which Sweetheart could also do), check out some books about ballerinas, an Angelina Ballerina video, and make a tutu for her dolls. There. A theme for the 8 year old. And the 12 year old could participate in the art and anything else she felt like participating in.

I know I have a newborn in the house so I'm not sure how much of the theme business will happen, but what I'm saying is...it's doable.

So in my research on Pinterest, I stumbled on a great art site. From there, I began to learn about something called "art journals." Honestly, I had never heard of these. Hmm. A way to do art projects AND keep them contained within a journal instead of littering my fridge, spilling off the kitchen counters, or stacking up on the girls' dressers? Sounds like a winner to me!

The site kept referring to "Strathmore Art Journals." I didn't know what that meant exactly but then at Hobby Lobby, I figured it out.

Oh! It's a brand name for these art books! This is the one I chose. They are pretty big.

So yesterday I had the girls take inventory of the art cabinet. We have enough stuff to get started. The only initial investment was these journals, which were $13 each (with my 40% off coupon!).

First I had them decorate inside the front cover.

Then we started our first project. Directions are here.

Concentrating means the tongue goes out. :)

Cutting out the sunglasses (from images on the computer).

We just used pencil, Sharpie, and crayons. Nothing fancy.

Adding details...

The caption says, "I love summer." I had just finished telling them "you can't mess up on art journals" so I let the lowercase "i" go. 

Love these self-portraits. Can't wait to do more projects!

The site we got this idea from has tons of art journal ideas, but there are others online too. That site is just very kid-friendly. Once you really start looking at all of them, you will come up with ideas of your own. The fun part is using all kinds of media. Apparently your art journal will be very thick at the end and may not close well. Not every project will be flat.

So that's my plan. Lots and lots of art! I know there will be days when we are busy running errands, and swimming, and cleaning house. But there are plenty of other days when there is nothing on Netflix to watch, and it's raining or terribly hot, and our art journals will be just the ticket to fun!

Perspective

Today I will go grocery shopping. My LEAST favorite thing to do (right up there with balancing the checkbook).

BUT...I am not giving the state test today.

Today I will make my girls do school and chores and all the other things they would rather I forget about.

BUT...they are not taking the state test today.

Every spring I used to break out with a bacterial infection on my face. The doctor said it was stress. I called it the TAKS rash. (It's now called the STAAR test.) I am ever so thankful that our family has nothing to do with that test anymore.

I looked at the released questions online this morning and had a small panic attack. And then I was really, really glad that we are free to move at the girls' pace and that they don't have to be smashed into a mold they don't fit in. I am also thankful for our curriculum as I know we will end up ahead in the long run of their education.

And I was reminded that the state test doesn't measure how many Bible stories they have learned this year, or how many homemaking tasks they have had the opportunity to practice. It doesn't measure their love of good books or their ever-growing understanding of how history all fits together. It doesn't measure much of anything important, really.

Lord, I am so thankful for the opportunity to homeschool my children. Thank you for this perspective today!

The Cure for Back Pain

I've been having terrible back pain. Sure, my back hurt sometimes with my other pregnancies (from what I can remember!) but nothing like this. The doctor said yesterday it's probably because the baby was laying "cattywampus" (Is that a Texas term?) and was probably on a nerve. It's not sciatica. I know that pain. My whole lower back just tenses up something awful. I've tried ice, heat, Tylenol, a warm bath and whining.

So last night when we got in bed, it hurt really badly. We had taken a longish ride in the truck yesterday evening and even though I had a pillow for support while riding, by the time we got home my back was acting up. I was laying in bed trying to get to sleep and thinking about crying. It really hurt.

And then, the children of Pleven came to mind. And I couldn't get them off of my mind.

Suddenly, I forgot all about my back hurting.

If you haven't followed this story, just read this one post. Just this one. The Lord is moving. Please pray.

It will make you forget your back pain or other troubles really quick.

The Chance to Do Everything Differently

I have one of the older kids among my friends. Sweetheart is usually one of the oldest when we get together with many of our family friends. I guess that would be because S and I are older than a lot of our friends. Hmm.

Anyway, just because we started before a lot of our friends doesn't necessarily mean we have more parenting experience. I consider someone with 3+ kids to have more experience than me because I only have 2 kids. Do you see how that works? If you've been through it more times than me, you have more experience even if I've been at it longer. And anyone with kids older than mine certainly has more experience in my opinion.

While on maternity leave with Little Bit, I had a chance to go with four year old Sweetheart (right) on her preschool field trip.

But we've had 8 years to re-think a lot of things. I wasn't sure we would ever have another (even though I sure hoped we would) but you still find yourself thinking about things. Things I never even considered when mine were little (like cloth diapering), I've had a chance to think about now. (I'm still not going to do it. :)

The thing is, my life is VASTLY different than it was in 2003 when Little Bit was born or goodness sake in 1999 when Sweetheart came on the scene! I was a full-time working mom back then. We had a nice house that wasn't ever very clean (OK not everything has changed), a boat, 2 jobs, debt, daycare/babysitters to pay, etc. Now I'm a full-time Mom and homemaker. We homeschool. We live in a smaller (read: cozy), older home. We have some debt, but nothing like we used to. I take care of my own children. I have time to help my husband. Things have changed!

Baby Little Bit

And as a result, my parenting can be so different this time! I don't have to worry about waking up in time on Monday morning while I'm in the hospital after giving birth so I can call in my maternity leave. I don't have to deal with disability paperwork or FMLA, or long-term subs. I don't have to find a babysitter or daycare. I don't have to count down every single day of my maternity leave or hide my work ID in my dresser drawer so I don't have to think about returning. I don't have to pump 3 times a day at work. I don't have to pack and re-pack a diaper bag every night. I don't have to wake up a sleeping child at 6:00am so I can get to work on time.

When this baby is born, hopefully, I'll just.....bring her home. And be her Mom. Oh! It will be such a blessing!!

My babies--fresh from the bath. 

And so I find myself researching making my own baby food, and thinking about how many toys a child needs, and considering what needs to be done to baby-proof around here (we need to stop leaving scissors laying around!), and how long I'd like to nurse, and all kinds of things. Life is different and I have a chance to do things differently!

So blessed! Thank you, Lord!

One Kid is Boring!

Today Sweetheart is on a play date. A very rare thing indeed for one child to go without the rest of us! She's gone for 3 hours (because we don't do sleepovers, really so this was a compromise). Little Bit and I are home alone.

Good grief I'm so thankful to have more than one child!! Right now she's playing in her sister's room at my encouragement. Hey, I was the littlest in our family and I remember the freedom of playing with whatever I wanted to with my mom's permission while they were at school. It's a wonderful thing.

We've already done art together and colored. Having one child would really mean I had to pay a lot more attention to that child. Having siblings is wonderful because they can get attention from other people too. They really do play together a great deal of the day. I think kids from big families are really blessed.

Glad today is Friday and husband will be off again for another 3 day weekend. I really do like having him around. Also glad our living room is clean and simplified with all the Christmas decor put away. It always looks so good when December is over.

Now if the house cleaning fairy would just come take care of my kitchen. And finish putting away the groceries. Does anyone else just put away the fridge and freezer stuff and leave the rest for later. Hello? Hello?

Sigh. It's really quiet here.

Christmas 2011

Like that original, eye-catching title? Thank you. I came up with it all by myself.

It's over and I don't want to take down the decorations. Usually I'm stopping myself from taking them down the very next day, but this year I'm kind of not caring how long they stay up.

Christmas Eve we had S's sisters and their families over for a little party. We said "5:00" but apparently to the younger generation, that number was arbitrary. (Our niece and nephews are all adults on that side of the family.) They showed up sometime in the 6:00 hour. Hmm. Pretty sure that makes me old, but I would never have done that at their age. But we went ahead without them so no big deal. This is me probably listening to my brother-in-law tells some big story. I was really tired by the end of the evening but I think everyone had fun.

 We had to hurry and get the girls in bed (late) by the time everyone left. Had to make time for a story, though.

 This year, Sweetheart let us sleep until 7:00am. Well, 6:51....but that's good because it means she understands rounding. Then they tore open their presents.

 And we got ready for church. (Yes, I wore the same shirt, OK?)

 Look! My husband was there too! This picture was taken by Sweetheart and is far more centered than the one taken by Little Bit. Also, there is less looking up our noses. Little Bit maybe should stand on a stool next time. :)

After church, we all went to my parents' house and ate lunch and opened presents. I don't think we got any pictures from then, we just enjoyed watching the kids. We were blessed with some really cool gifts though. We got the Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper from my parents, which I really wanted.

We also got a beach mat and a personalized soft-sided cooler with 4 water bottles and sandwich holders in it. Can't wait to get back to the beach!! I got some maternity shirts and my mom and sister couldn't resist buying little things for the baby. I don't have anywhere to PUT little things for the baby yet!

So S and I are feeling the pressure of 4 and half months left before life changes and took advantage of yesterday to do some cleaning/clearing out. He worked in the garage and shed and back porch and I worked in the laundry/sewing room. Today I will do the desk/office type things. I feel better already having those areas that were bad, organized again. And since I'm completely not ready to think about school, cleaning sounds better.

Hope you all had a blessed Christmas with your family!