It's not a sudden realization, usually. Oh there very well may be a moment that you can trace back in your memory as being THE moment that it hit you, but more often than not, I'll wager a bet that it happens much more slowly. If it's anything like our experience, it's like waking up slowly--little by little you think on it in the back of your mind until it makes it's way into your consciousness.
Something is wrong.
For us it all began 2 years ago. I saw the problem, but thought it was just one islolated little problem. I dealt with it by going to one isolated little doctor and then put it out of my head. It's fine.
And the problem went away. So, sure enough, I was right. The doctor was right. No big deal.
If it had come back in the same way as it showed up that first time, I would have caught on. At least I'd like to think I would have caught on. But it didn't--it came back in new and different ways. And when you are with someone all the time you really just look past little things like this and don't even see them. It wasn't that I thought something was wrong but pushed that thought WAY in the back of my head rather than think it...that would be called denial. And I wasn't in denial--I just honestly had not thought about it or put it all together. Not until S made that comment in the living room that night.
"Little Bit is SUCH a nervous kid."
What? What are you talking about? She is not nervous! She's one of the most laid back children I've ever known! (Don't you remember how floppy she was as a baby? She would just lay there and smile and you could just flop her legs all around and she didn't care. She didn't even bother to try walking until she was 14 months old! She was just so content to sit there--I used to joke about how unmotivated she was! I have never taken care of such an easy-going baby!)
"Watch her, Brenda."
That was in June. I think it was the vocal tic that really caught our attention. She kept clearing her throat or kind of half coughing. Over and over. But didn't we just finish a round of medicine? She shouldn't be having sinus drainage. So, we made the decision to visit the doctor. Just to make sure that it was indeed something physical.
I told the doctor while he was looking her over that if there wasn't a physical reason for this, that it was just one more thing to add to the list of things we had been noticing. He finished his exam and said, "What else have you been noticing?"
And my heart just fell into my stomach. I really, really wanted to hear him say that it was sinus drainage, but he didn't. Instead he gave me the name of some neurologists "just to rule out Tourette's." But I think what he meant was "to confirm Tourette's." And that appointment is still in our future. So I honestly can't say it's Tourette's Syndrome. But if it isn't--I'll be VERY, very surprised.
So I'll be writing about this some and I just wanted you to know that. Not writing about this is clogging my brain up because it's part of our life right now. Besides, I think I have read the bulk majority of information on TS that is available on the web and there is precious little non-technical stuff to read. And what I really want is to read about a real person--a real child with these concerns. That would be helpful and encouraging in a way. So maybe I can be that help and encouragement to someone else. We'll see. As usual, I have a lot to say! :) And in the meantime, your prayers would be appreciated.