Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Looking Ahead Just a Bit

When I had a preschooler and a baby just a few years ago...this stuff could not have seemed farther in the future. But now that Sweetheart is a big 8 years old and Little Bit will be 4 next week...well, our family is changing a bit.

I've been thinking about having the talk about the body and all that involves with Sweetheart. It's not necessary yet, but it will come up VERY soon. Am I ready? Do I even know how to handle such a topic? It's going to open up a can of other topics too as she will surely begin to doubt her former theory that babies just spontaneously grow inside married women's tummies. She knows God makes them. She knows God opened and closed wombs in the Bible. She knows how they come out. It's just that she doesn't yet know that it, um, takes 2 to tango.

I read about this book earlier in the week. I want to see it in person, but it looks promising. I'm not even sure I want to use a book for this kind of stuff. I honestly don't know how people approach this stuff. A lot of my friends that I visit with often have children younger than mine. I do know that I want this information to come from us at home. And in a truthful, godly way.

And that led me to thinking about all the "rules" of our house in the future. When will they be allowed to shave? To wear make-up? To babysit? To go on "group outings" with mixed company? How will we handle the whole dating/not-dating/courtship/too much to even think about scene? I have to think about these things NOW. I cannot wait until they are upon us. (And yes, ALL of this will be discussed first and foremost with my husband. I'm just thinking out loud here.)

Can you tell I'm a little nervous? And I'm also a little miffed that I need to think about some of this right now. She's 8 for crying out loud!!!! Do girls really start shaving at age 9? Do they really wear make-up at 10? Do they really start liking boys and thinking about that all the time at 11? Is this what I want for my girls? Is there another way? Or am I kidding myself?
I mean, do I HAVE to have a tween? Or even a teenager for that matter? Didn't I read somewhere that "teenager" is a relatively new term? Back in the olden days you went from girlhood to young lady. Why can't we have that at our house? I need to read up more on that.

I'm not talking about forcing them to stay young and innocent and naive. I'm just talking about not accepting the world's standards (as usual-I'm second guessing everything lately!) or even the way other Christian families at my church handle things. I want to please the Lord in this area and study what His word has to say. I don't even know where to begin.

OK, my bloggy friends with older girls. I need some help here. Resources? Advice? Thoughts? You can comment or e-mail me!
Thanks so much. I'm done fretting now.


  1. Hey Brenda. You know I could probably write a book, but I won't. Breathe easy, friend. You are already on the right track by simply being proactive. If you chart your course ahead of time, not only will it be less anxiety for you, but for them as well. I could go on and on, but I won't here. Keep an eye on your mailbox over the next couple of days, though.

  2. Oh thank you! I felt very prepared for babies and toddlers and very comfortable with preschoolers. I was used to being around that age of children. But I have never been able to picture myself as the mother of older kids. This is totally foreign territory to me!

  3. First, I would like to thank you for visiting and for the kind words you shared on my blog. Second, it's okay, just breathe. I beleive there is no "one talk," just a series of being honest with your little one and seeing what questions she has. You'll be fine because, even though you might not see yourself as the mom of older kids, God sure did. He knew you were the perfect one to teach these little people. Relax. :) You'll do a great job.

  4. Thanks for commenting on my blog earlier...I just dropped over to check yours out, and I was glad to read you are addressing these issues. It's never too early. My 10 y.o. daughter has been asking lots of questions (which began when we her new baby brother was born 11 mos. ago). I don't know if you are familiar with American Girl dolls, but they also have a collection of books. One that was helpful for us is called "The Care and Keeping of You." It discusses things girls need to know about the changes of their bodies as they go into the "tween" years. You might want to check it out...I'v decided to wait on the "birds & bees" discussion until she's closer to being a teen. (I hope we can wait that long!)

  5. Hi Brenda,

    I am REALLY busy these days but couldn't resist but to leave a heartfelt comment here as I have to older daughters---14 and 9 and have felt exactly what you've gone through. Let me tell you that you CAN go against the tide--there are MANY families who are doing it and it is truly a vision of loveliness for daughters. I have meet these beautiful daughters in person (they are resourceful, lovely in spirit and living vibrant walks with the Lord!) and have been so blessed and challenged even in my own role as a women and mother. Upon our journey of learning about having a different vision for daughters and our whole family in general we were blessed with resources from Vision Forum (given to us by dear friends, you can access the VF site off my blog although their resource site is different--it's I would recommend the book they sell 'So Much More' by Elizabeth and Anna Sofia Botkin for you to read to get a vision of the bigger picture of daughterhood ( also have a great Father daughter series).And please don't feel pressured to conform to what the world has defined what the teenager years should look like. Do what the Lord leads you to do and you will be blessed indeed---I have prayed along the way for godly examples and He has abundantly provided that in more way than I could ever imagine.

    Many blessings...

  6. So good of you to be thinking about this now! I have a daughter now 16, and we used the "Passport to Purity" materials from Family Life Ministries. I highly recommend it to you! It was wonderful, and a great weekend with my daughter! My only regret... I waited until she was 13! She had already discussed some of these issues with her cousin (who I was glad was her choice! A few years older and a very good and Godly example) but to know I was behind the 8-ball on this bothered me! We home school, and I was glad she had limited exposure to some of these issues, but I think around 11-12 is a perfect age. You are on the right track! Keep going! I would like you to read a post of mine on this very issue... I hope it helps!


I don't get to talk to a lot of actual grown-ups during the day, so your comments make me really happy! :)