Sunday, June 10, 2012

In Which I Don't Even Know Where to Start

Wow guys. Last week was a doozy. I haven't even finished processing all that has happened to us. All I know is God is good. And last week was not my favorite.

So last Sunday night was when I got up to go to the bathroom and passed out. Somehow, before I went out,  I managed to call out to S that I needed him. And miraculously....he heard me. Really--that's amazing in itself. Throwing up the blood kind of woke me up.

I got my first ever ambulance ride. S managed to call a friend to come get the big girls and get Baby Bee and himself to the ER right behind the ambulance. My sister joined us and then later my mom took her place. My parents were out of town and I think S called them about 4:30am. They got up and came right home. Anyway, we were in the ER for over 12 hours. Baby Bee was there the whole time with us and thankfully we had a private room with a door that shut. We were concerned about her catching something in the germy ER, but with the private room we felt better. We made good use of the hand sanitizer on the wall. It took S, my sister/mom, and myself to navigate all the tubes and wires and IVs, but I managed to nurse her 2 or 3 times in the ER. Blessing.

They came to get me Monday afternoon for a scope to see what was going on. It was then we learned that Baby Bee would not be able to stay with us in the room. Also, with the meds I would be on, I would not be able to nurse. My wonderful family jumped into action and bought an electric pump for me. Sister did the running to the store for whatever we needed. S had grabbed the "emergency" formula I had stashed in the kitchen cabinet before he left for the ER. I was going to throw it away or donate it all, but then my mom told a story about how she had to to the hospital when one of my sisters was little and my dad had to feed the baby in the car. So I paused...and stored it all. Along with the one sample bottle that came in the bag of free stuff. Providence.

The scope revealed a bleeding ulcer and a hole in a mid-sized vessel behind the ulcer. My hemoglobin level was a 6. For a woman who just gave birth, it should have been a 9 or 10. At 8, they usually do transfusions. I was there. It's a good thing my level was so low, because I think they would have all just chalked it up to having just given birth. My really low levels got them to looking for other causes. I got 4 units of blood before my level got up to a 10 three days later. I sure felt better with blood in my body! And I am very grateful for those blood donors. Providence.

My parents took all 3 girls home with them. I cannot adequately tell you how upset I was to be away from my baby. To not be able to care for her. To not be able to feed her. It was comforting and upsetting all at the same time to know she was taking the bottle just fine. My parents are 76. They've raised 3 kiddos, but certainly aren't used to getting up with a newborn. S and I worried a lot that first night. It's hard to hand over your 2 week old infant to anyone--even awesome grandparents. But she slept her usual schedule and did great. Providence and blessing.

Tuesday brought another procedure: this time to cauterize and plug up the holes in me. I wasn't nearly as scared that second time. Oh that first time was horrible. They came to get me with no warning and neither of us really even understood what procedure was about to take place. Then they park you in a bay staring at the wall all by yourself for 10-20 minutes. I prayed a lot. I cried a lot. I laughed to myself when I saw the towel on the end of my bed. It was there because Bee had peed all over the bed when S was changing her diaper a few hours earlier. I was going into my procedure with pee on the end of my bed. All I wanted was to get home to my baby--to my family. I wanted to be OK.

I'm not a crier. I try not to cry and be an irrational female in front of S. I know when I'm being stupid emotional about something (hormones anyone?) and I don't put that on display. But last week I was a blubbering mess. And my sweet husband listened and comforted and reminded me that God was in charge. The big girls would come visit and I hardly even felt like talking with them. I was pretty sick, I guess. S went and got Baby Bee on Tuesday night and I managed to find a way to hold her even with the IVs that hurt when I bent my arms. I felt so much more hopeful that night.

Wednesday morning brought the news we were hoping for: I could go home! I was out of the hospital by noon, but still couldn't nurse until the next day. I am so grateful to not be pumping anymore. I worried the whole time I was in the hospital that Bee would forget how to nurse and was getting used to that bottle. I mean, we had only been at it for 2 weeks. But Thursday morning proved all my worries a waste of time. She had not forgotten.

I don't know what I would do without this man.

S was told by his boss to take the rest of the week off and to not worry about work at all. So he has been with us every day, taking care of things. It has been so nice and so needed to have him here this week. I feel pretty much back to normal now. I haven't driven anywhere yet and I was really nervous getting up to go to the bathroom in the night the first night home. In fact, I haven't really wanted to be by myself at all. I guess you could say the whole thing really shook us up. I guess that's understandable.

Little Bit was playing in the hospital bed beside me. She set this up and showed me. That's Sweetheart, Little Bit, me, Baby Bee...and Daddy taking care of me. 

But what I know is this: I did not pass out when I was carrying Bee across a room. I did not pass out when I was alone. I did not pass out when I was driving. We now know I had been bleeding for the whole 2 weeks since Bee's birth. Last Friday as I was climbing onto the bed to take a nap while Bee was sleeping, I nearly blacked out. I thought, "Wow--I'm so tired I'm dizzy!" But I did not pass out that day. The Lord was truly watching out for me. His timing is perfect. Remember that S just quit his second job? The one that kept him busy every evening and on weekends? Yep. He was with me this week instead of worrying how he would get that job done. Again--perfect timing.

I have thought and thought about what all has happened this week. Some of it I've pieced together from S or my sister telling me what happened, because I don't remember all of it. It was a rotten week as far as fun weeks go, but we got to see many blessings and the providence of the Lord in our lives. My faith has increased and I am more grateful for small, everyday things.

And that's the story of last week. We are left with blessings, restored health, an intact family, and hospital bills for two different hospital stays in 3 week's time (Bee's birth and my ulcer). The bills will be amazing, I'm sure. But you know what? I have seen the Lord's providence and I know He is already way ahead of us.

And He is good.


  1. Whew, Brenda! I can't even imagine!! I am praising God for His hand on your situation, and also praising Him that you are better and home again, and that Baby Bee is back to nursing. He is good, and I am so thankful you are OK!

  2. Wow. My goodness, what a week!! I am so grateful for you and your family all the ways the LORD carried you through! I am sorry you had to go through that all, but I am so glad you shared how the LORD worked the entire week for his glory! Praise HIM!

    And, Baby Bee is so. very. cute. :)

  3. Oh, Brenda, I'm so sorry to hear all this. But, yes, isn't the Lord great -- when we think of what COULD HAVE happened, like if you had passed out while driving or something. Cute set-up by your daughter! I think you blog is very pretty,by the way, very cheerful, with the polka dots and cheerful colors. I love looking at it.

  4. Indeed, He is good!
    I'm so glad you're doing better now and that you're back with your baby and the rest of the family.

  5. But what I know is this: I did not pass out when I was carrying Bee across a room. I did not pass out when I was alone. I did not pass out when I was driving. We now know I had been bleeding for the whole 2 weeks since Bee's birth. Last Friday as I was climbing onto the bed to take a nap while Bee was sleeping, I nearly blacked out. I thought, "Wow--I'm so tired I'm dizzy!" But I did not pass out that day. The Lord was truly watching out for me. His timing is perfect.

    Philippians 4 comes to mind here.

    Be well Brenda. I'm glad things are turning the corner.

  6. Wow! Indeed not an "ideal" circumstance, but oh how the Father was with you through it all. What a testimony of God's gracious hand over everything... from the timing, to the nursing, to the family help, to the husband's job. God is faithful! Wishing you rest and total recovery.

  7. I've been praying for you and Bee daily. I'm so glad to hear that you're doing better and that Bee is still able to nurse. That was one of my special prayers for the two of you. You are blessed with a wonderful husband and it's great that you have family close to help. God bless and keep you!

  8. Thank you everyone for the comments and prayers!! You are all a blessing!

  9. so glad you are on the mend, my friend!!! i know the separation from baby b had to be just as rough as anything else. thank god for your loving family to step in and help carry the load. huge hugs to you!

    between you and carrie... ;)

  10. Oh my! I hadn't checked your blog for a while. I am so thankful you are getting better and for the Lord's provision. Praying for continued healing.

  11. How scary! But every time you said Providence... I had to nod my head and praise God because He already knew and prepared the way.

    Praying for continued healing and peace in your heart, dearest Brenda. There is much to be thankful for!

    Blessed be the name of the Lord.

  12. Praising God with you for His hand of protection and provision during this difficult time. Hopefully you are getting lots of rest and snuggle time with your girls!


I don't get to talk to a lot of actual grown-ups during the day, so your comments make me really happy! :)