A Higher Standard

When we were first married, I made a Halloween wreath to hang on our apartment door. I loved doing crafts and I must say, it was quite cute. My husband told me he didn't like it, didn't like Halloween, but I could hang it if I wanted to. I think I did hang it up, but threw it away later. I have to admit, though, I thought that he was a little crazy. Who cared that it's "origins" were evil? That's not what I was celebrating! It was all innocent. Just some costumes and candy. Puhleeze!

In my classroom, I always decorated for Halloween. Everyone did. I just made sure all the little ghosts, black cats, witches, and pumpkins were cute and smily. Halloween was for kids and it was for fun. What was the harm? It's not like we were worshipping Satan. (These were my thoughts.)

So, I started my daughters on the path when they weren't even old enough to hold up their heads. Oh, we never made a big deal mind you. A cute little orange outfit that said "Mom's Lil' Pumpkin," or a cute little chicken costume. Not a jack-o-lantern to put the candy in, but a cute little Tigger head instead. Much nicer. Nothing scary. It's for fun, right? Look! Candy, games, a carnival at a church. This is all just great. NO one in their right mind would go trick-or-treating these days, right? We'll just trick or treat at grandma's house. And a few people from church. Just so they can wear their little costume a while.

I had really never heard of people who didn't celebrate Halloween at all. However, most Christians that I knew felt there was need of an "alternative." Why? Why do we need an alternative if there is nothing wrong with the real thing?

Now this post was really not meant to be about Halloween. I'm just using that as an example. I never gave it much thought. Everyone did it, and so did I. I never gave a lot of things much thought when I was getting married and starting a family. I could say, "well, we didn't have any good examples around us to show us any different!"

But we did own Bibles at that time. And I'm fairly certain I could have prayed for wisdom.............it just never occured to me to do so.

This is just an example of how radical I have been willing to become for the Lord lately. Letting go of Halloween? OK. I'll do it. I want our family to be different. I don't want to do the things the world (or even other Christians) do just because....I don't know why. I want to be a godly wife, mother, and woman. I want to raise godly children. I'm not talking about becoming an "anti" everything person, either. I'm just saying I'm willing to re-look at everything we do and find out what pleases the Lord. How I envy young mothers who have thought these things out ahead of time!!! It's much easier than switching gears part-way in.

I've Called a Teacher Inservice Day

OK, we have now sucessfully completed 2 weeks (8 days) of homeschooling. I love it. I love the freedom of it. I love that we get done so early in the day and have time for other things. I love having my children with me all day. I love enjoying things with them.

But I do not love our schedule. And I do not love the way all the lessons are written.

I like our curriculum. However, this beginning-of-the-year review is killing us! Sweetheart is bored by a lot of it and even though I think review is good---too much is not. So, last night I talked to my husband and did some thinking about how much of the curriculum to follow and how much common sense I can use and what I can skip. I've got to finish thinking through all that today.

And then there were the tears from Sweetheart yesterday as she told me she missed doing fun stuff. "What do you mean 'fun'?" I asked her. It turns out she wants to do some of the preschool things that Little Bit gets to do while she suffers through boring review. OK, time to re-think a few things. I don't think it's the preschool stuff that really appeals to her as much as her lessons are NOT appealing to her. Sigh. Time to quit going to bed saying, "The lesson plans are already written for me for the whole year." Instead it's time to brush off my teacher's hat and customize those babies to appeal to her.

AND, it turns out that Little Bit could care less about all the cute little activities I made for her to pull of the shelf and be entertained and educated with while I work with her sister. The Montessori-type stuff is not appealing to her AT ALL. (Except the big tub of rice--that was a hit!) Come to think of it, she is just far too relational to be happy with that kind of stuff for long. So, I found a great preschool curriculum online and I'm trying to re-write our schedule where we can spend 30 or 45 minutes on preschool lessons each morning, with Sweetheart involved too. And now that I've decided to chunk some of the lesson plans...there should be time.

Yes, morale is low around here among the short people.

So, we're are covering the basics around here today...reading, math, phonics, hide-n-seek, etc. while Mommy tries to revamp our schedule to work better. Now that I'm all experienced at this homeschool thing.

Yeah.

We'll start up again on Monday, after I pray and think, and work on making this whole school thing even more wonderful. Because it's going to be. We REALLY love being together. We just need a little work to make it all better.

Serving our Children or The Post Formerly Known as "Comment"

There are some comments that just grow ridiculously long. This is one of those comments. Thankfully, I figured that out before I started typing it as a comment and decided to write a post instead. I hate all that deleting.

Yesterday Andrea posed a question about serving our teens. (But Brenda, you don't have a teen!) I know, I know. I have watched my sister deal with this same thing. Her son is also 7 years older than his next sibling, just like Andrea said. He is 14 this year. Behind him there is a second grader and a preschooler. Since he is the oldest one, he has much more responsibilities than his sisters. My sister has also felt the pressure of ONLY FOUR MORE YEARS until he leaves home. Is he ready? Has she taught him all the things he needs to know? Thinking like that can make you pile more responsiblities on a child. And with good reason.

Andrea's question, though, was how do we still serve our teens (or children) WHILE teaching them to be responsible at the same time?

It got me thinking about a workshop I attended a few years ago on the book The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman. This book is not a Bible study, and it has been very marketed with lots of sequels to the success, but it still had good stuff to say. The main point I got from all of it is that children feel loved in different ways.

"Acts of service" is one of the ways you can "speak" love to your child. Making their bed for them, doing a chore they hate, etc. This is what Andrea was talking about--don't forget that even though they are responsible for more, they still might like it if Mama did some things for them every now and then. If it were me, I would choose chores that they consistently did themselves. That way they wouldn't keep "forgetting" to do a chore hoping that mom will do it for them again!

There are other ways to show love to our children that we need to remember as well. One of the love languges talked about in the book is "gifts." These children keep every little thing, remember who gave it to them, and take care of things--lovingly displaying them in their room. For this child, pick up a new color of nail polish and wrap it in a little gift bag to leave on their bed. Acts like this remind them you love them and were thinking about them. That might not mean a thing to another teen, but if your child's main love language is gifts, then it would.

For me, I'm afraid I have two children with the same love language. (All children feel love in a variety of ways, but the book's premise is that everyone has a "main" language that speaks to them.) My girls both value quality time above all else. They want time with me all to themselves. Being asked to run to the store with me while her sister stays home is a delight to Little Bit. Inviting her to cuddle up with a book and read while little sister is asleep makes Sweetheart's day. If we have been too busy, they feel neglected and they let me know. They need time with me looking into their face, paying complete attention to them every day.

You know, grownups have love languages too. There is also a book for that one. I know for me, I would much rather my husband take me out to eat or help me clean the house than I would like for him to bring me a present. The trick is...figuring out how to show love to each person in your family. Not the way YOU would want love shown to you, but the way that speaks to them the most.

I think this is a very important thing to remember as we go about our days--especially as our children get older--that we do not forget to show love in little ways each day. What special things do you do for those you love?

Can You Link a Link?

Well, I'm going to. One of my daily reads is Andrea's blog, The Flourishing Mother. This morning I followed a link she recommended and BOY am I glad I did!!! This one will surely change your day if not the rest of your days! I need to print it out and hang it up where I can see it all the time.

If you struggle with meeting everyone's needs in your family and seem to always get interrupted by someone needing something every time you try to finish a task--this read is for you.

Here's the post that Andrea and I both approve and recommend! Thanks Katherine from Raising Five!

What They See

Before my daughters get up, I blog. I do that because, obviously, I can read and write better without two little girls asking me 20 questions a minute. I also do that because I don't want to spend time while they are awake with my back to them at the computer.

And while they are awake what do they see? They see me cook and clean up 3 meals a day, transfer laundry from the washer to the dryer, fold and put away clothes, vacuum, do other household chores, teach them during school time, check on their chore progress, iron clothes, run errands, talk on the phone, pay bills, bathe them, read to them, etc. All the typical mom stuff that eats up our days.

But they do not see me read my Bible. They do not see me pray.

Why? Because, just like the computer, I can concentrate better after they are in bed.

Now, thanks to homeschooling, they do hear me read from the Bible and we always pray together at meals. But that is not the same thing as seeing mom study the Bible and pray on my own each day. I do remember one time I was reading my Bible on the couch. Sweetheart wandered over and asked what I was reading. I told her and we got into the lengthiest discussion on the passage. Later I heard her explain the whole thing to her dolls while she was playing and she really understood it. I thought to myself how important it was for her to see me reading my Bible, even if it did not always result in a great spontaneous lesson. But I didn't do anything about it.

I've heard the same thing about bill paying. Many parents pay bills at work or after the kids go to bed, for obvious reasons. Some believe that is a contributing factor in why we have teenagers leaving high school with no concept of money or what things cost. Having your older children sit down and help pay bills (they can stuff the envelopes and stick on the return address and stamp, assuming you still pay bills the old fashioned way!) gives them a real idea of where mom and dad's money goes. How can they learn to budget if they've never even viewed the process of handling money at home?

I guess you can see where this is going...how can they understand what day-to-day faith looks like if they don't see it in action? Yes, I know there are hundreds of little ways we can talk about God throughout our day. And our children do see how we react to things that go on in life. But how powerful for them to have an example of a mother who daily reads her Bible and prays! Your children may very well have that...but are they seeing it? (mine arent!)

Now I know that the mother of preschoolers and babies dare not close her eyes for an extended length of time because she will a.) fall asleep or b.) hear the toilet flush and her children screaming and clapping and she will never, EVER, figure out what went down the crapper that day.

But if they can see us watch TV, sit at the computer, talk on the phone, and any other number of activities...can't they see us talking to God and reading his Word, too? I'm talking to myself here, too. What do you think? When do you read your Bible?