Who's Ready For A Change?

I want to homeschool our children. (Did you hear the gasp coming from my friends?) I have spoken against homeschooling for most of my adult life. I knew some really bad examples of "homeschooling" where very little schooling went on. Terrible examples. Plus, I worked in a really great elementary school for an awesome Christian principal. I thought it was stupid to pull your kids out of school and keep them home. Just look at what all we had to offer at school! I think there's a saying about ignorant people should keep their mouths shut. What did I know?

I know a lot of teachers who disagree with home schooling. Maybe it's because we get those "failed attempts" back in our classrooms a few years later where they are lagging dreadfully behind grade level and at a loss in the social skills department to boot. The awesome, successful families never come into contact with us in public school, so we don't get to see the good side very much.

Last summer I decided I better read up on homeschooling. After all, what if we became missionaries one day and I HAD to homeschool our children? So, I checked a book out of the library and read it. It completely changed my mind. Or maybe I should say God changed my mind. After that book, I really got into it. I researched and read every thing I could get my hands on about homeschooling. Especially homeschooling from a Christian point of view. And I've been itching to try it.

We haven't been too thrilled with our older daughter's school experiences so far anyway. Kindergarten was good purely because of her teachers. Other than that, I had a lot of concerns with how things were being done. And we've had a lot of concerns ever since. So, it's easy to imagine how wonderful it would be when we get to be in charge of her education. I'm still praying for that day to come about, but until then I will do what I can when she is with me.

It's also scary and daunting to think about being in charge of her learning. But it's scary in an exciting sort of way. I have no doubt the whole thing would be a great success because God would be in control every step of the way. I want so much for my girls that I don't believe will happen if they are away from me 7-8 hours a day.

Tonight I'm specifically thinking, "How are WE qualified to homeschool our children?" Well, here's what we have to offer:

1. My husband plays the guitar. (Music)
2. We can both type and have pretty fair computer skills-he more than me.
3. I am a fair cook (measuring, home ec.)
4. My husband is very mechanical.
5. I love to read and write.
6. My husband is good at math.
7. I am good at making things hands-on.
8. My husband has a lot of experience with public speaking.
9. I've been a teacher.

Oh, there's more I'm sure, but that's just what I can think of off the top of my head. The main thing about teaching our girls at home for me is not the myriad of skills we can impart on them, but the emphasis of our day.
If I were homeschooling them, we would start and end the day with God's word. Bible would come first around here! I am so intrigued by people who use the Bible as their curriculum and textbook. I think I need a little more structure than that, but I appreciate the idea. Handwriting? Have them copy a scripture each day. Public speaking? Stand and recite a Proverb each evening. There are so many ways to use the Bible in our children's education. But the main thing for me is they would learn God's word each day. The other appealing thing is the time we would gain. Schooling need not take 7-8 hours of sitting and working. I wish my daughter didn't have to sit at her desk all day doing work that her teacher will hardly glance over. I want her to learn and do and get done. Then, I want her to learn other things--how to cook, how to sew. I want her to have time to play, time to read, time to do the things she is interested in. I want time to talk with her. Instead of 7-8 hours of school, 30 minutes of TV/snack, an hour of homework, dinner, a little play, bath, bed. Every day. Every, every day.

I'm ready for a change. I'm ready to do the work of parenting and training full time. With God's help, of course!

Living Small

For our anniversary this weekend, we went to a bed and breakfast. We got to stay in a Texas Tiny House and oh it was so wonderful! I've been wanting to see inside one of those tiny homes for a long time. Saturday morning after breakfast, the owner gave us a tour of the other tiny homes as well as the other buildings they have on their property. He had done all the remodeling and building on the other homes (not the TTH ones) and S and he enjoyed talking woodworking for a while. It was way better than staying at a hotel!

We would absolutely love to live in one of these one day but....what to do with the children? Hmm. Details, details.

To the left when you walk in. 

Straight ahead when you walk in. 

To the right of that window. The ladder leads to the loft and bed.

A view of the whole living room from the loft. 

Looking back at the front door. 

To the very right when you walk in, is the kitchen. 

Looking up at the "bedroom."

The bath. River rock on the shower floor and ceiling tin on the walls. 

 One thing that sets the Texas Tiny Homes apart from other tiny homes is they use 90-something percent repurposed materials.

Salvaged sink.  When is the last time you saw 2 separate faucets?

Old windows saved from another house or building.

Old doors with doorknobs just like in my grandmother's house. 

All these antique details are really neat. 

And OH! the beautiful smell of all the wood! The hardwood floors were also antique. It was just beautifully made.

Good-bye Little House! We would love to live in you one day!

It's easy to imagine, while you are staying there, that you could actually live that small. Then you come home and walk abound your regular house and think HOW? Well, we don't need to go that radical with our simplifying right now, but I do wonder how much less we could live with.

I mean, instead shelves full of games, couldn't we just have a few decks of cards? You can play a lot of games with cards! Books are important, but you could get a Kindle or a Nook and do without shelves and shelves of books. (I don't want to, but you could.)

The bigger the area you live in, the more you fill it. If there is a shelf or mantle, you have to put things on them. We definitely do not live with just the necessities. And if we ever did get a tiny home, it would have to be bigger than the one we spent the night in. Still, I would love to go smaller. How about the Ingalls' home? That one would work just fine for me.

Except with A/C.

Hey, we're talking about simplifying, not losing our minds!

What Would I Do?

The ultrasound on Monday showed that baby is head down now, as she should be. Good baby! There were no other signs that labor would be anytime soon, so I have resigned myself to at least 2 more weeks of pregnancy. I mean, I'm not due until the 13th. Hoping this one would decide to come early is silly. My children like the inside. They are comfortable and never want to leave.

So I figured we could get 2 more weeks of school in. That's what I was planning all along anyway. But mercy I don't want to! I said something about it on Facebook today and got lots of encouragement to take the next 2 weeks off. Hmm. I really thought about it, trust me.

But what would I do?

I cannot imagine how I would keep myself busy for 2 weeks. The nursery is ready. I'm keeping up with dishes and laundry. I've paid the bills. There's daily pick up and weekly errands, of course. I could freeze some meals if I was really motivated.

I thought that keeping the girls on a semi-normal schedule would really help Little Bit. Her tics have increased a bit lately. Routine is her friend. And school doesn't really take all that long. When I whine about it, it's really the same as whining about doing the dishes, or cooking, or picking something up that I dropped, or drying off after a shower. EVERYTHING is hard right now and I'm tired. The End. It really isn't about school so much.

I feel like a turtle as I wander around looking at things that I could do or need to be done. I don't actually act on those things, mind you. I just notice them.
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And totally off-topic, I took Sweetheart today to get a 12 year old immunization. They had told me there were three she needed. I researched them (in my new book) and decided to get one today. Then, while we were there, they mentioned another shot she needed that I had never heard of. It was Hepatitis A.

OK. Thank you. I took the information sheet. Would you like to know who this shot is recommended for? Of course you do.

*children 1 year of age
*persons older than 1 year who will be traveling or working in Central or South America, Mexico Asia, Africa, and eastern Europe.
*men who have sex with men
*persons who use street drugs
*persons with chronic liver disease
*persons who are treated with clotting factor concentrates
*persons who work with primates

and the ONLY one that could possibly qualify my daughter for needing this shot

*children through 18 years of age who live in states or communities where routine vaccination has been implemented because of high disease incidence. (Although I don't know that that is true of where we live)

Are you kidding me??? So, my current plan for being allowed to use Dr. Sears' alternate vaccination schedule with this new baby is to switch from seeing a pediatrian back to a "family practicioner." My reasoning there is the pediatrian's office is sort of a specialty and they are really all in your business. They stay right on top of things. Our particular pediatrician's office has been described by friends as "vaccine nazis." ha!

I'm just thinking a family practice deals with such a larger range of things that they wouldn't have time to worry if my 4 month old is compleltey up to date on her shots. And I liked it when we all saw the same doctor back when we used a family pracitce years ago. So, taht is my plan for now. We'll see how it goes.

Fitting It In

Sunday morning the sermon at our church was about how we need to study God's word more. Well, it was really about more than just that--but that was a big part of it. We started off looking at Hosea 4:1-6. Verse 6 says: 


My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. 


There was more to the sermon, to be sure. But afterward, S and I talked about how we DO need to read...not just read but study...our Bible more. 


Let's get practical and think about how that can actually happen. Of course it's easy to say...but do? Much harder. 


How can I sit here and say that it is "hard" to read my Bible more? Look at this story. Now come back here and tell me how it is hard for me?


And another verse we read during the sermon Sunday: 1 Peter 5:8-9.


 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. ⁹ Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world.


The devil is walking around like a lion, seeking whom he may devour? Makes me even more determined. 


This morning I grabbed my phone and we read Proverbs 15 at breakfast. I don't know how much of it got into their heads or hearts, but we read it. Sweetheart read her assigned reading during school. I read Little Bit's assigned reading out of a Bible storybook. We worked on memorizing scripture. There will be more study tonight. 


How can we say we are too busy? Have I been busy today? Yes. We must cook and clean and teach and run errands and do laundry. There are many things to be done during each day. But there is time. There is time to read and study God's word. There is time to get it into our lives. 


Folks, we have it so easy here in America right now. Not perfect...but easy. How do you know what kind of world your children will live in when they are adults? How much more will they need to have God's word in their hearts? 


Someone is seeking to devour us. And God's people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. Not sinners. Not people "of the world." GOD'S PEOPLE are destroyed because they do not know.


A daily devotional calendar is not enough. 
An e-mail devotional is not enough. 
An encouraging blog post is not enough. 
Listening to Christian music is not enough. 
That Little Golden book about Jonah is not enough. 


Reading your Bible is not enough!!!!


We must study it. And know it. 


How can we do it? How can we fit it in? 


1. You have multiple Bibles? Store them around the house. Make it easy to grab one while you are at the dining room table and read it to your family. 
2. Make it a part of the school day. No if, ands, or buts.
3. You don't often let your kids skip brushing their teeth? Then set Bible reading as part of the daily routine and do not skip it. 
4. Use audio Bibles. 
5. Keep one in the car. Read while you are in line for something. 
6. Download an app on your phone. 
7. Take it to church. Look up the scripture during the sermon instead of relying on the verses on the screen. Trust me, it's not the same.


What else am I forgetting? How can we fit it in? 


Because it IS that important. 

Here Is Where Our Summer Stands

So we started the school year about a month later than usual. Therefore, we are not yet finished with said school year. This is discouraging no matter how much you mentally prepare yourself. Little Bit is aiming to be though by the 4th of July, and I believe she will make it. She's almost there.

Sweetheart, however, has worked (or NOT worked) herself right out of a summer break. If she's lucky, she'll have a 4 day weekend before 11th grade starts. Sigh. We've talked all we can talk. We've punished. We've encouraged. The saying is TRUE: You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it finish it's work on time unless it wants to. Well, it goes something like that.

But she is down a few subjects. At maximum, her school day should take her 5 hours. Therefore, if she gets on up like she's used to doing in the school year anyway, and starts by around 7am, she should be done by noon. Or, she can sleep in a bit and have a little to do after lunch. That's up to her. It's Wednesday of our new summer schedule and so far she was worked until nearly 4 or 5pm every day.

Horse. Water.

Anyway, in other news. OF COURSE because it's summer I had to completely rearrange the house. You know, we didn't do a thing to the house last summer when Dad was in the hospital. So some cleaning and organizing is in major order around here. S was able to help me move the big stuff around and get the bunk beds re-painted (this time for Little Bit and Bee) over Memorial Day weekend. I wouldn't have chosen to move all the stuff all at once like that, but that was the time he had to help. So, the furniture is in place, but boy the mess we made!

It's hard to feel accomplished when what you did one day was sit down with a washcloth and wipe down all the color pencils because something sticky was all over them. And then I sorted markers (throwing away those that had dried out) and pens and pencils and blah blah blah. All that work on little things doesn't make much of an impact but hopefully we'll be more organized this year!

Little Bit and I are painting the front room. In the past, this room has been a playroom (for the older girls when they were little) and a homeschool room. Now I am turning it into kind of a homeschool room for Baby Bee. You know, Baby Bee who turned 4 a few weeks ago. (!)

I guess really some other posts need to be made. Just too much to catch up on here.

Summary:

We are still in school and that stinks.
We have made a huge mess in the house in the quest to get organized.

It's a good thing there is a date on this post b/c this could easily be mistaken for another previous summer. My life is nothing if not predictable.

In Which We Haven't Covered That Yet

The kids had an assignment from church last week. They all remembered when they walked in this morning. They were supposed to think of something Jesus or Paul did that they should do as well. (Coming off of Paul's words about if you have seen anything in him, imitate him....etc.) So the older girls thought of something and wrote it down. I was working with Baby Bee to think of something.

Me: Tell me some things Jesus or Paul did in the Bible.
Her: Jesus died on the cross. He rose from the grave. He walked on water. He gave a promise not to flood the earth. I don't know Paul.

:) Well...to be fair, we are still reading the Old Testament and she's only 3! We'll get there!

This week in school I have some goals. One of them is to, you know, DO school and FINISH things every day.

I know. Wow.

But the other is to keep up with Sweetheart, who was given some freedom and trust last week and decided to completely skip both Biology and Math all week! So, back to babysitting in a hard way. I surely wish we had another set up so that I could be beside all the girls at once. Need a bigger house! And not just because of homeschooling either. This floor plan just isn't working for us anymore. But...here we are. Until the Lord makes a way for us to move, we are here.

I've been brainstorming about rearranging but haven't come up with a solution just yet. I can assure you when I do, it will be easier to just do it than talk to S about it first. Even though we are going to have some major school work going on this summer, I am still getting in the mood to rearrange, paint, and fix things up around here! We don't have any plans to go anywhere much so I should have plenty of time!

In Which the Ages are Getting to Me

I'll tell you, there are SO many blessings of having kids ranging in age from 3 to 16. BUT.....sometimes it is not so good. The 12 year old and the 3 year old have especially been grating on my nerves lately. I truly understand how mothers used to say in olden times that their nerves were rattled. When I read about mothers whose nerves were rattled in old books I always think, "what a wienie." Like women who used to have to go lie down whenever something stressful happened. Please.

But as I'm typing this, the very energetic 3 year old who never stops ever not even for a nap is pelting me with wads of stuffing. They are "snowballs". About the 5th one that hit me in the face started me to twitching. Oh she rattles my nerves some days. She just has so much energy and needs so much attention and we just can't. The big girls are doing school. I'm doing school with them. Or I have to pay a bill. Or I'm trying to switch the laundry. Or I'm trying to load the dishwasher. I mean, I have played with her today. She will need more of that because she doesn't have a sibling close in age. I wish sometimes she did! I know I will need to play with her more but it's never enough. She never wants me to stop. So I have guilt about her needs.

Little Bee in the dentist chair yesterday.

And the 12 year old has issues. I mean, some things truly bother her. Today Bee was putting her hand on Little Bit's jeans. And it was making her crazy because she said Bee's fingernails were kind of scratching her jeans and it was giving her goosebumps. See? Issues. Those kind of things she cannot overlook and get over. So there is a constant balance between asking Little Bit to put up with something (I mean, Bee was leaning over on her while she fixed her show--she wasn't exactly doing anything wrong) and getting onto Bee because I know Little Bit has reached her breaking point. It's a hard balance.

Bee, Me, and Little Bit. So pretty.

And Little Bit needs things perfect. And just so. And Bee is anything but "just so." She is like a tiny Tasmanian Devil. A whirl of words and motion and movement and constant doing things. And Little Bit wants to direct her and tell her no. And tell her to watch out. And tell her to stop. And it's going to be the death of me. Of course Bee reacts to bossy sister by doing the annoying thing more.

Sigh. Hard balance.

Good news? Sweetheart got her learner's permit today! Which means I did the paperwork right! It was a huge job gathering every little thing and I'm so thankful they accepted what I had brought. Facebook friends were very helpful with the advice.

When we left the DPS office I handed the keys to Sweetheart and told her to act like she was driving home. We did it just to watch Little Bit's face. She panicked. She doesn't want to ride with Sweetheart "until she's a professional." Her words. Can't blame her. I sure wish my van had a brake on the passenger's side.

As we were at story time today before the DPS office, I was watching a mom with a newborn and a little 3 year old boy. How different her world than the one where you have a 3 year old and a driver.

Hmm.

Love them all three.

Even when Mama's nerves are rattled.

In Which I Have a Revelation

You know, there are 8 years between Little Bit and Baby Bee. And I knew from the get-go that I would NOT be saving hand-me-downs for Bee from Little Bit's closet. Please! Eight years is too long. Too much to store. It would be too out of style or old or with dry rotted elastic or whatever by the time Bee got to fitting it.

(There is one exception and that's clothes that my mom sewed. We keep those.)

But this morning I realized that I have kept nearly every single homeschool item we have ever owned. Why? Things I used with Sweetheart that I am not using with Little Bit--and who knows if I will use them with Bee--but I am keeping them because....because....why? I MIGHT want to use them? They MIGHT be a good fit for Bee when she gets into 6th grade? Do you know how far away that is?

The girls dressed up for Go Western day at co-op recently.

Just as I don't have the space to store 8 years of clothes, I certainly do not need to be keeping 8+ years of homeschool curriculum!

• But you will just have to re-buy it. What a waste of money!
• But you will regret it one day!
• What if it goes out of print and you can't find a copy anymore?
• Books don't take up THAT much room.

The thing is, S and I were reliving our first year of marriage last night with the girls at supper. We lived in a tiny one bedroom apartment. S said, "I would give anything to go back to that kind of simplicity!" Now I know he didn't mean get rid of the children. :) I remember when we moved in before the wedding. S moved everything he owned from his bedroom at home and started staying at the apartment. I was living at Mom and Dad's house but moved all my worldly possessions over one afternoon. 

It in no way filled up that apartment. Even when we added the wedding gifts! 

Bee was the only girl at library story time a while back. She doesn't mind. She plays great with boys!

I remember getting up on Saturday morning and cleaning--I mean really scrubbing--every inch of that apartment. It took less than an hour. 

Maybe we are just being nostalgic. But then I see pictures of this certain house online. I was going to post a link and in searching I happened upon a whole website devoted to complaining about this family. So....maybe there are some issues involved there and that's why their house looks so perfect. 

OK I love my family. Not trying to be some other family. But goodness. I had a friend recently put her house on the market and it sold. All this happened within about a month. From her first talking about doing it to selling it. We might could do that within six months IF we suspended all schooling and life for those 6 months. 

We aren't exactly in prime shape around here. And I have excuses reasons! 

1. We had a baby. We still haven't recovered.
2. We started going somewhere on spring break every year where I used to stay home and clean closets and paint, etc.
3. My dad was in the hospital all summer so NOTHING happened at our house. Which means it's been well over a year since I did any really good cleaning out around here. 

But I think it's OK to start cleaning off those homeschool shelves. We don't have a homeschool room anymore anyway. We just store things on those shelves. Why am I storing so many things we won't need for 8+ more years?

When Mama says, "No, you cannot have that today, but let me take a picture of it in case I decide to get it another day." And you are not happy with her response.

Tell me it's OK to get rid of homeschool stuff. Someone? Anyone? 

And if anyone gets high off of decluttering, you're invited over, OK?

In Which Spring Break is the Middle (for some)

Well, since we got such a late start on our school year (Dad in the hospital most all summer, his funeral, recovery from that) and started after Labor Day, we are JUST NOW half-way through with the school year. Well, Little Bit is anyway. She would be a little further but we accomplished exactly one week of school before her tics reared their ugly head.

We went to a psychologist for the first time for her a few weeks ago. She's seen a neurologist twice, but the neurologist heard she had been dealing with anxiety and said the psychologist could help with that as well as the Tourette Syndrome. I was very unimpressed with the clinic, but the doctor herself was great. She said she would give grief at least a year before she would worry about treating the anxiety (which has since gone away) so that was reassuring.

Climbing on the rhino that sticks out of the building at the zoo.

The other good news is Little Bit will being doing some training this summer to learn a method which the name escapes me right now but basically it is learning to re-train the brain to ignore the tics. She said we will have to go to about 6 sessions, with homework and then we should be good. That is good news as well.

While we were at the psychologist's office, we got into a brief discussion about Sweetheart and her ADD. We had tried meds last year but they didn't work. I was telling the doctor how the doc who prescribed the meds wouldn't put her on a stimulant due to her sister having TS. She said that was ridiculous and she absolutely could have stimulants. So....to medicate or not to medicate?

OK, maybe Sweetheart can help Little Bit.

Well, earlier this week Sweetheart was going to make mac-n-cheese to go with our supper. She messed up and put the milk, butter, and noodles all in the boiling water. OK. Read the directions, slow down and think about what you are doing. Certainly not her first time to make mac-n-cheese! Then she messed it up again! That's two boxes of food down the drain if you are keeping count. The next day she messed up something else she was cooking. I made it for her the next time. That's five boxes of food we went through for 2 side dishes. She's 16 and she's pretty comfortable in the kitchen. She can make a lot of things. This really concerned me. For goodness sake one day this child may need to feed herself! If she can't even concentrate long enough to make something as simple as noodles, that's a problem! Not to mention how behind in school she is or how long it takes her to get something done. Not to mention her room.

SERIOUSLY I'm not going to mention those things!!!!!

They aren't good for my blood pressure.

Hang on, Bee. You seem to be backwards.

For now I shall concentrate on the fact that my 6th grader is half-way through with school. And I will rejoice in that.
We're gonna give "year round school" a whole new meaning this year, that's for sure.

Whew. There were about 25 other pictures in this series. They crack me up.

I Want Tea

I really, really want some tea. But I have silent reflux. I was diagnosed at the ENT last April. He said it wasn't bad enough to treat, but gave me a diet to follow to help it. The diet included....or rather excluded...all caffeine. I. am. so. sick. of. water.

Please don't think I've gone since last April without tea or cokes. Please. But I've been really trying to do better lately and I miss drinking something else!! I would dearly love to heal this.

Because this is a busy week and I WANT TEA to drink while I run amok!

How is your Christmas season going?

Tomorrow after co-op, Sweetheart and I have to find dresses to wear the next day to our church Christmas dinner. And Little Bit needs black shoes. Then Saturday they are both performing at a Christmas party in a hospital before we head over to the church Christmas dinner.

Little Bit at her concert last year.

Oh and I have to buy toys to donate before that dinner. I guess I'll do that Friday as well while we are out and about.

There is more going on next week, but I'll save that for another time.

Little Bit was diagnosed with allergies in August. This has rocked our world. The hardest one to deal with has been the soy allergy. Soy is in pretty much everything. I say that to people but they don't GET it. Dear friends and family who have tried to cook/bake for us this season have found out what I am talking about. Some friend in our bookclub made cookies--and tried to make them soy-free---but realized after they used margarine, which has soy. My sister made some treats for Thanksgiving but then realized after she had sprayed the pans with cooking spray and...you guessed it...soy.

So for the church Christmas dinner, we will have to provide alternative food for her. That's OK. I don't mind. I just can't believe how little thought we used to put into things like this event and how much one little food allergy changes that. I called the restaurant who is catering the dinner and they said they rinse all their pasta in soy oil. OK thanks! They don't have any printed allergy info so I don't trust their other food too much either. We'll see. She can have tea. That much I know.

Mama is on top of things and has not lost her mind. I promise.

Trying to wrap up our school week around here so we can concentrate on shopping for clothes and toys, getting ready to perform, and partying.

Oh, and doing the dishes and cleaning the house and getting caught up on laundry and cooking meals from scratch and all that other fun stuff!

In Which We Have a Forced Time Off

Honestly, if it were up to me, we would  have started school already. Or at least we would be starting this coming Monday like everyone else around here. But perhaps the Lord knew we needed some time off because we simply can't start right now.

Normally we have laid aside some money for school expenses by now. I've always been able to order what I need by this point in the year. Perhaps because Dad was in the hospital the majority of the summer, perhaps because we've had some unexpected expenses (had to buy a new car), perhaps because our electric bill has been ridiculous.....but for whatever reason we can't order everything right now. Oh, and high school curriculum is expensive!

I did sell some old curriculum on eBay. It hadn't sold on any of the homeschool sites or groups I'm a part of so I was really glad it sold. However, after eBay and Paypal take their bite out--it won't be nearly as much as I could have earned selling straight to another homeschool mom! Oh well. I'm thankful for that money, which I should be getting soon. That will enable us to get started with some subjects.

Our fine arts co-op starts back in a week. Little Bit can't wait to get back to art class!

I'm stressed about it and not really all at the same time. I would like to have everything all ready to go and not stagger the subjects in one at a time throughout the fall, but at the same time I know we just can only handle so much.

Bee has been so sad about Grandpa. Little Bit has been too. But Little Bit is also getting bored now and asking what she can do. The cousins can't come anymore because my sister is back at work. (She's a teacher). So we just wander around here cleaning, organizing, rearranging, and taking it a little bit easy.

I admit I have laid in bed and thought about all the things that need to be bought: clothes for the girls, curriculum, a new lunch cooler, a backpack for Little Bit, new beds for Little Bit and Bee, some stuff for Sweetheart's room, etc. But I am also so thankful that we have paid our bills, had groceries, and are all here together. Sure, it would be really fun to just hop in the car and go get whatever we need without giving it a second thought, but relying on the Lord is a good place to be also. We need Him. We cannot do it all ourselves.

It forces you to think about what's important. And one thing that has been bouncing around in my head is how to make our school focus different. These are not new thoughts, but refined ones? Yes. I was really struggling to find a science curriculum for Sweetheart. Also geography. When it all came together I chose a Christian based biology curriculum and a geography curriculum that focuses on the geography in the Bible. Is there something more important I could focus on? No. I'm still dwelling on how we can study more Bible and worry less about "academics". Not that academics aren't important....it's just that I don't want grades and transcripts and credits to be all that we focus on. We only have 3 years of high school left with Sweetheart--and there is so much I want her to know about God's Word.

Book club starts next week too. Here is Little Bit last spring trying turkish delight at our Narnia book club meeting.
(She didn't care for it!)

So perhaps this forced time off is a good thing. It's giving us time to heal, de-stress from the summer, mull around important thoughts about how our homeschool year is going to look, and yes, get organized. Which is what I'm off to do now. We've rearranged our homeschool so many times that our "stuff" is everywhere. Time to get all the math stuff in one place, all the history stuff, etc.

Because all too soon, life is going to get really busy again.

Pro Tips from Brenda

When you make chicken chimichangas for your family for supper...


...put chicken in them. Vital ingredient, folks. 

That is all. 

The Real Reason for the Delay

One of the main reasons we are not starting school in early to mid August like we usually do, is that we have had a really hard summer. 

About the middle of June my dad started feeling really badly. He was getting off of steroids (which he was on to help keep his blood sugar up as his cancerous spots produced too much insulin. It started as a very rare cancer on the the tail of his pancreas 14 years ago. That was surgically removed but spots had moved to his liver and one on his lung--and they produced insulin willy nilly. The spots were so small he wasn't even being treated for them at the time.) Anyway, he said he felt just awful--awful and tired just like when he had been on chemo. 

One Sunday night my phone rang at 11:46 and it was my mom. Never a good thing to see on your phone. She said Daddy had fallen and was bleeding badly and she needed help getting him up. S got dressed and ran down the street to help. It seems Daddy's blood sugar had gotten low and he had passed out in the bathroom. That had happened 3-4 or possibly more other times before. This time he scraped his arm and hand up really badly. His skin is so thin it just really tore his arm up. And being on blood thinners didn't help. So S ended up taking Mom and Dad to the ER. He finally came on home around 6:00am to get ready for work. Dad called a few minutes later and said he was being released so I went to pick them up from the ER at 6:30am. Dad's arm and hand continued to bleed and seep through all the bandages that day and on Tuesday morning I took him to his primary care doctor. He hadn't been to this doctor in 12 years come to find out, in spite of being a patient there since the early 60s. All his needs had been taken care of at M.D. Anderson. I mean, he saw doctors all the time! Anyway, they couldn't believe the wound he had but they got it all cleaned up and the dressing changed. At the last minute the P.A. said he would like to get some blood work on Dad. He had very recently had blood work done with his cancer doctor, but we went by the lab and then home. 

About 30 minutes after we got home, the P.A. called me to tell me that Dad needed to go straight to the ER as his sodium levels in his blood were dangerously low. Also his potassium was low. He had already called Dad. Very critical levels are 110. Dad's was 111. No WONDER he had been feeling so crappy! So the girls and I loaded up and went down the street to get Mom and Dad, who were already packing for the hospital. The P.A. said it would take several days to bring up his sodium levels as it has to be done slowly so they were packing for a long(ish) stay. We dropped them off at the hospital at noon, a day and a half after he had fallen. 

Dad spent 9 days in the hospital. He developed (or possibly already had?) a blood infection during that time. Then he started to get pneumonia. He was transferred to a long term care facility and went straight to ICU. The girls and I had been to see him or at least Facetimed with him every single day he was in the hospital until he was moved. He ended up being in the long term care facility at least a month. During that time he got put on a ventilator. We didn't take the girls to see him during that time. I know he missed them. He was so, so sick. Then the day came when he got off the vent and things were really looking up! So I immediately took them. He smiled at them and held their hands. He tried to talk but couldn't yet. His voice was just a raspy whisper. Then he started to go downhill and got worse.

Even though we knew he was doing badly, it still came as a surprise when Mom called me at 4:00am to tell me he had passed away. She was there at the hospital alone with him, of course, when it happened. She had been at the hospital night and day for 5 1/2 weeks. My sisters and I all rushed to be with her. Later that morning when I got home, we gathered the girls and S told them what happened. 

We weren't really sure Bee would understand but half way through the conversation she clued in and asked, "So Grandpa is never coming home?" And then she just buried her face in her hands and cried. Oh poor baby just broke my heart. 

My mom and Dad at his 80th birthday a couple of years ago.

We all made it through the funeral planning, the funeral, the out-of-town trip to the trailer (without Grandpa--which was weird) to bury him...all of it. We made it through all of it. We've had my mom over to eat dinner most nights since. My Dad did all the cooking. My Dad did all the grocery shopping. We've taken Mom to do that too. The girls have spent most of their summer running back and forth to the hospital, riding along to take Grandma places, helping take care of things at Grandma and Grandpa's house, and not having a whole lot of fun. Although, since my sister was coming more often they did get to see a LOT of the cousins this summer. That was good. 

So we feel like we are just now (in August) getting a summer break. Sweetheart wasn't actually through with History or Math but I called it. We're done. So this is the first time we've had a break from school too. 

Bee has cried a lot. She's asked 10,000 questions. She tells me several times a day she misses Grandpa. Little Bit has had some anxiety and sadness that she says she doesn't know why but....and Sweetheart has seemingly handled it really well. But she's older. Anyway, we are all still healing and getting used to not having him around. Little Bit caught a fish the other night and I was snapping a picture the first thought I had was, "Wait until Grandpa sees this!" It's been a hard, hard summer. 

Apparently We Are Collecting Diagnoses

Well. I was getting on here today to catch you up on Little Bit a uh...little bit. (Sorry). She's 11 1/2 and Facebook just showed me that 6 years ago it was her first day of Kindergarten and she looked like this:

This last year was 5th grade for her and we had quite a year with her too. In the past she has had problems with convergence insufficiency. If you don't know what that is, it's OK. I didn't either at first. It means when her eyes looked at something and each eye took a "picture" of that object, the two pictures didn't converge completely, causing her to see double. As you can guess, this doesn't help with reading. It causes headaches and lots of other problems. As her books got smaller and smaller font, it became more of a problem. We actually only found out what the deal was because my dad mentioned he saw double and Little Bit piped up with, "Me too!" 

News to us! Anyway, we did home therapy using a computer program in the spring of 4th grade and she graduated from that and all was well. 

We had a vision therapy party when she finished.
I had a lot of fun planning it!

Until it wasn't. She started having troubles with her eyes and daily headaches again this year. We went back to the same doctor's office, but a different doctor. He is an older gentleman and has seen his fair share of bad vision. He was truly amazed by how poor her convergence was. He had us come back many times and was genuinely concerned. He kept working with us until we got it back on track though. In the end she had to restart and completely re-do the computer program, in addition to adding reading glasses with prisms. But now she doesn't have daily headaches and can work without pain. 

Of course Tourette Syndrome lives on at our house. Sometimes it was hard to tell if her vision was causing frustration, or her tics. Either way it means I spend a lot of time working with her one on one and that is not good for Sweetheart, who gets off task when the wind blows. 

Towards the end of the year she was having real fits during work, especially math. Crying, screaming, carrying on. SO frustrated. I was hoping she just needed a break for the summer. But then a couple of days ago she had a similar fit while working on some Bible memory stuff for church. Oh dear. I'm not ready for next year if this is how it's going to be. So I posted some questions in some groups I'm in on Facebook and it all snowballed into me messaging our former preacher's wife, who is a dyslexia tutor. She sent me some videos and information and now I am sure, where before I was only suspicious, that we are dealing with dyslexia as well. Very sure. Which of course changes most of the curriculum choices I had already made for next year. And has sent me off on a flurry of research. 

Aww...matchy sisters...

We really didn't NEED another diagnosis. But it's OK. We've been dealing with it all along even when I wasn't sure. 

She is such an awesome kid. She and I did the grocery shopping on Sunday and I realized part-way through that I thoroughly enjoy spending time with her! She's funny and has good ideas and is very responsible. But school....oh school. I'm not ready for ya!

9th Grade Was Not Our Favorite

That one time I blogged last year (ha!) I mentioned that I had taken Sweetheart to a doctor to be evaluated for ADD. I had done my homework and was sure this was the diagnosis. They agreed and in 20 minutes of meeting this doctor I had a prescription for hard core drugs for my kid. Easy peasy!

Sweetheart at the symphony this last year.

I went home and looked up the side effects and S and I chickened out. But her year was still limping along in a wounded sort of way. She wasn't making it. In spite of all the effort we were putting in, she wasn't making it--in school or other areas. Everything was lost all the time, she was beyond frustrated. She truly couldn't complete a school day in a....you know...school day. No way. And try setting up a "distraction free environment" when one sister is 2 and the other one has tics. Go ahead and try. Oh...but do it in 1500 sq. feet. 

In the spring an old friend came to visit with us and my parents up at my mom and dad's little country home. She mentioned that both she and her daughter were on medication for ADHD. She gave me a lot of insight into how her own brain worked and why she finally decided as an adult she needed medication. S and I talked about it some more and decided we needed to try medication. We needed to know we had tried everything to help our daughter. 

So we visited another clinic. The doctor agreed easily with the ADD consensus. He also listened to my concerns about stimulants. Sweetheart doesn't have an extra pound on her body and she eats all day long (I donated my metabolism to her at birth--wasn't that nice of me?). We really didn't want her on a medication that would take away her appetite. He agreed. Also, she's already pretty "picky"--picking at her lips, her face, her nails, all day long AND has a sister with Tourette Syndrome, so--he agreed stimulants would not be a good idea. 

But there is one medicine for ADD that is not a stimulant. Problem? Sweetheart couldn't swallow pills. So after a few weeks learning to do that, we began the medicine, which increases in strength gradually over the month. 

It did nothing. She might as well have kept swallowing those Tic Tacs we practiced on. 

Another visit to the clinic. Maybe they can increase the dosage? Maybe there is another one to try?
No and no. The next dosage up is for someone who weighs 150 pounds. And you can't split the pills. The other option is actually a medicine that lowers your blood pressure. Yikes. No thanks. 

So we closed the door on the medicine option. We tried. 

Now I have a huge list of ideas I pinned and looked up of things we can try to help her. As George Harrison said. 

Yes George. It's gonna take time and money. 

Sweetheart having a battle with Bee. She's such an awesome big sister. 

The list includes essential oils (which we've already tried topically)
a diffuser
a timer (got it already)
some supplements (need more research)
diet changes
full spectrum lighting
music (got one--want to add to the collection)
and exercise (got an exercise bike)

Anything you would add? Anyone else dealing with ADD/ADHD? I'm determined that ADD will not ruin 10th grade for us!

One last thing about Sweetheart: the year before last, she was diagnosed with Scheuermann's Kyphosis. She completed 6 months of physical therapy to help with that. It did help, but we have to keep having her do stretches and exercises to keep her back from getting worse. Probably her spine is set in place and she's nearly through growing, so they won't help forever, but will keep her muscles from getting tight again. She hasn't had any pain since starting PT so that's good. 

Before and after x-rays of Sweetheart's back. She said she thought she was standing up straight in the first one.
These are 6 months apart.

Well, that pretty much catches you up on the challenges Sweetheart has faced lately. She's a happy kid. She does a lot of things well. She's a great sister. I don't mean for this post to encompass who she is at all. Just sharing some parenting challenges we're facing with her. Just like anyone else. 

In Which the Lord Comes Through for Us

Let me just go ahead and tell you: today was a very successful potty training day. That is all you need to know. And maybe that's why I felt like getting on here and blowing the dust off of the old blog. Oh, I've had SO much to say. 

So. Much.

But....3 year olds, and potty training, and ADD, and high school, and Tourette Syndrome, and vision problems and deaths in the family and lots of other things I'll catch you up on later....have prevented me from feeling like I had the time or brain cells necessary for blogging. Not like I used to. 

I really like writing here. 

It's good to be writing tonight. 

Tonight S is fishing. All three girls are asleep and the house is quiet. I've been despairing for weeks of how we will ever have the money we need for this school year to happen. Deep down I know the answer is just "trust God", but my very practical side wonders how? How will God work this out?

All day I've been writing down recent blessings that have come our way. I can't believe how long the list is. God is truly amazing. Some people might say we have just been lucky, or things have just worked out by coincidence, but I know better. I know that "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning." 

I'll just share a few things God has done for this broke family in the last week:
*a small refund
*a free shirt for Sweetheart (back to school clothes!)
*a box of large sheets of paper was given to us that we will be using for a future venture
*some folks from our homeschool group decided to bless our family by giving us, not selling us, their microscope they were finished with
*my used curriculum sold 
*some other unexpected money 

Crazy, right? We will make it to next payday and we will even be able to buy some of our curriculum. Why should I even concern myself with HOW we will buy the rest? Obviously the Lord knows our needs. 

Which makes me even more committed to well....committing this school year, this homeschool of ours, to Him. Last year, to quote Annie, was "just plain awful." Sweetheart and I especially had a really bad  year in 9th grade. This high school thing kicked our butt and won. But we learned a lot and we are not giving up! School is not easy for my children. I have finally come to terms with that. I see other people studying things far above our capabilities and I wonder why we can't even seem to get the "normal" stuff done. But as S pointed out to me recently, "Our homeschool will never look like other people's. We have a lot going on here." He's right, you know. I don't consider Little Bit to be "special needs" but actually she is.  Add to that Sweetheart's failed ADD meds attempt, and various other challenges and school can be just plain hard. 

But I know that we are the best ones to educate our children. I think my focus just got all skewed worrying about transcripts and college and credits and what the world says we are "supposed to" be doing with our girls' schooling. 

Forget all that. I'm changing our focus. I can't totally throw out the high school graduation requirements, but they don't have to be at the center of our decisions. The Lord should be there. I'll fill you in later how I'm making sure that happens this year. 

Ah...it's good to be back here. A new background, some updated pics of the girls and their correct ages....now...who is going to read this thing? :) Oh well. It feels good to write anyway!! 

Until tomorrow, 

Brenda

So I Have Some Things To Say...

And I remembered I had a blog where I could say them! Isn't that nice?

Sheesh. Life is too busy. Little bitty two year olds make a big difference in the house.

So I found out today how easy it is to score drugs for your kid. Sweetheart is drowning in 9th grade. We are barely keeping her head above water. And if it were public school, she would NOT be keeping it above. Only because homeschooling is flexible and able to be fit for each child's personality and needs is she still here today.

S and I talked about meds for the first time a few weeks ago. I've known for a long time that she probably has ADD. No hyperactivity on her part. She a little impulsive, but nothing that would warrant grave concern on that side of the equation. But the inattention? Oh yes. She's there. So I called her pediatrician, who gave me the numbers to four psychiatrists in the area, explaining that the pediatrician's office just doesn't handle ADHD referrals. No problem.

After some shuffling, we were finally seen this morning. Through a series of events, I don't believe the doctor even was aware that we were coming or what we were there for. But within about 40 minutes of our arrival, I walked out with a prescription in my hand for stimulants for my child. Easy peasy.

Then I came home and started researching side effects for the particular drug we had been given. And I got scared and chickened out. As much as I long for a magical pill that will suddenly make everything easier--room more organized, school work completed and in a timely manner, things not constantly lost....etc., I just cannot bring myself to go this route just now.

So I'm researching more natural alternatives and dietary changes. That won't be a quick fix and that annoys me, but oh well. It was funny while the doctor was asking "Do you....?" "Do you ever...?" questions, Sweetheart's eyes got kind of big and I could tell she was thinking, "How do you know me?" Because oh boy was that doctor describing her!

And next time I'll share with you our recent medical journey with 10 year old Little Bit.....